Remember how I said in my last post that no Moms’ Group would have me? Well, this is one of the ones that rejected me - check out their policies below……..oh, and the reason they rejected me was that I couldn’t make it to the mandatory number of meetings every month. All I can say to this (after lots of discussion on twitter last night about it) is whatEVER - I don’t want to be part of a crazypants club like this anyway. Read and weep (with disbelief, I’m sure)……….I did link to them in case you actually DO want to join - if you do, let me know how it goes, I want the inside scoop

La Crosse Area Hip Mamas

In order to get your maximum benefit from the group, please make sure to keep up with our website and stay active with us! You can only expect to get back what you put in to a group like this.

This is our policy!

1 ~ Please RSVP for all activities and stick to what you commit to. There are always unforeseen circumstances such as illness or family emergencies; just let us know as soon as you get the chance. It?s also a good idea to check our online calendar just before you leave for an event in case of any changes.

2 ~ Please understand that we are in fact a ?meet-up? group. If you cannot make it to any activity within a 30-day time frame, you may be asked to leave in order to make room for someone on our waiting list. We understand that this level of participation may be difficult for some to maintain but we are trying to keep this group as intimate as possible with no more than 50 active and truly committed members.

3~Please do not bring sick children to meetups. This includes but is not limited to vomiting, diarrhea, fever of 100 or more within the last 24 hours or pink eye. Please use common sense about these things.

4~ Suggestions are welcome and necessary!! If you have any ideas for an outing or gathering, please submit them to Christy or Carla. If you would like to host an event, please let us know as well.

5~ Keep the dramatics to a minimum. We all have enough of that in our lives…we are mothers! If you are causing too much drama or friction, you may be asked to leave. Also, please be respectful of others? politics, religion and other beliefs. And please refrain from spiteful and/or gossipy remarks.

6 ~ Keep information private. Our group is a private one to help protect our families and our precious children. Do not give out another’s e-mail address, phone number, or any other personal information.

7~ Any mother wishing to join may apply. A detailed questionnaire will be e-mailed and a background check will be conducted using public information sites such as www.familywatchdog.us and the Wisconsin Circuit Court Access website (or similar websites in other states).

8 ~ Please remember that this is a meet-up group for moms who have applied to become members. You are welcome to bring a guest with you from time to time, however, please approve it through the organizer first and please do not ask a non-member to bring your children to a play date in your place.

And yes, I added the bold for the parts where I was almost choking with disbelief at the insanity……..as someone said on twitter last night, the only thing they’re missing is a blond hair, blue eye, 2 parent (one male, one female) traditional household requirement……….oh, and a standardized test for all children wishing to play. (to clarify, that’s what WE were joking about on twitter, no one affiliated with the group said anything about the blond hair, etc)

Image by Xurble

Because I am always running so ragged, If I get an opportunity to spend a few moments with my children that are actually quality moments, I really take notice. Usually I have a laptop or a BlackBerry connected to me and I am giving them half of my attention.

So last night after work I stepped outside with them for an hour or so – leaving all things connected indoors - and we played in the sandbox. As we were playing the boys started to make “kid soup.” We had perfectly fine, beautiful, clean sand in our buckets and they started grabbing all kinds of items to add to it – grass, rocks, sticks, etc.

My first impulse was to think, “What the hell are you doing to this perfectly beautiful, clean sand we have? Don’t mess it up!”

But I caught myself. And I reminded myself that all day long I am controlling things. Sometimes, letting go of control is good. What do I care if the sand is not pristine? That soup we made and pretended to eat was delicious. And full of healthy ingredients, too – love, laughter, imagination.

Sounds corny, I know. But letting go of control and embracing a little chaos once in a while is good – and it’s one of the many wonderful lessons my children continue to teach me every single day.

Thanks, boys.

Tags: kid chaos, mommy time, playing with kids, sandbox

I’m young, I’m opinionated, and just so amazed at the conflict there still is today between stay-at-home moms,full-time working moms, and the in-betweeners. I’ve been a full-fledged member of the stay-at-home club and have been for the past year a working mom and a definite in-betweener. Since the men in the world first allowed women out of the house to work (ha!), there has been strife about who’s doing the right thing and who’s damaging their children for life (there are various definitions of this, depending on who you’re talking to). I could write for days about the frustrations I’ve had with catty women in my short lifetime, but motherhood has increased that to YEARS of writing. don’t worry, I won’t subject you to all of it today

Just as a teaser, 3 things to think about:

No Moms’ Group will claim me

That’s right. Since I had my daughter in 2005 I’ve tried finding a moms group or playgroup to join. None will accept the likes of me, first because of my location, and now because I, GASP, work. Their nice way of saying it is that I’m too busy and wouldn’t be able to attend enough required sessions. What they really mean is I’m not like them and they don’t like me. Oh, and they actually audition people before letting them join playgroups too. Seriously, all I wanted was women to talk to and kids for my kids to play with, not a “club”, not another job. I guess I just need to make more REAL friends, huh? Oh wait, they all work too and aren’t around to play with during the strange times I have available. Sigh.

Women LOVE to judge other women

Rather than accepting that we’re all part of some strange little club, we (yes, I used to do it too, but quickly realized the error of my ways) LOVE to judge other women for the choices they make. I’ve grown out of it - I accept that the fact that I have choices at all is a LUXURY. It’s a luxury in this society to have the option of working or not working and it’s a luxury to have the time to write about it. The people talking about this are privileged - I treat my privilege to choose as one of the most sacred things there is.

Case in point: This article title “Is the Part-Time Mom Really Helping” on CareerMomma says:

“Clearly my stance will be controversial to some. My appeal is to the masses. Try to see this from the point of view of those who struggle in the full-time realm. It is a great struggle, if you are one of the Stay-at-Home and yet want to work Moms you obviously don’t get it. There are lots of things you can do at home or outside part-time that would utilize your skills without taking away from others. You made a choice, now stick with it.“

Ouch. Can women BE any more harsh? I agree with a lot of her points earlier in the post (read it, it brings up some interesting points about former professional women working part-time for less-than-average pay) but the dividing of women based on lifestyle choice just isn’t helping anyone.

The bright spot

And then there’s this excellent post on Tax Girl that made my heart sing because she said exactly what I’ve always wanted to say. She writes “How Much is Your Mother Worth” about the Salary.com numbers they release every year “valuing” a mother’s work in dollars. I love Tax Girl’s take on this:

Yeah, it’s a little over the top. But you see where I’m headed here. I don’t like attempts to quantify a mother’s job because I think it’s missing the bigger picture. Moms are a valuable and irremovable piece of our greater society. It would be impossible to actually define and quantify the value that moms add to our lives - and dads, too. There are some things, as MasterCard points out, that money just can’t buy.

I’ll let you read the rest of her post to get the full story on the Salary.com numbers and Tax Girl’s excellent business-minded view of why the numbers are silly, but I like how she doesn’t attempt to divide women:

Please don’t misunderstand what I am saying. I think that being a mother, whether a stay at home mother or a working mother, is an enormous job. I do believe that the contributions of mothers to society are routinely ignored and/or undervalued. But attempting to classify the job of being a mom into artful roles doesn’t change that - and I would argue that it makes it worse. Why can’t we just say that being a mom, in and of itself is important? Why do we feel the need to “boost our image” by comparing ourselves with CEOs? Why do we need to attach an hourly rate to our daily activities to give validation to what it is that we do?

Well said, Tax Girl! And as a reformed Tax Female myself, I love that you write about the topic!

Seriously, I’m just another woman, just another person who wants friends to play with and people to like me for me. In the current environment, women who have the luxury of making choices about career are hit from every side - there’s no “right” choice.

If you have the luxury of choosing if and when you work, savor every part of that and know that others don’t have these choices.

If you think for a second about judging, step back for a minute and think about how YOU would feel in the other situation. If you can’t, talk to someone who’s been there.

This has been going on for years - it exhausts me and I’ve only been in this game for 2.5 years. Can’t we all just get along? And yes, that’s also what I used to say on the playground in elementary school, I was THAT kid………….

Don’t even get me STARTED on the other ways women can rip one another apart over motherhood…………..breastfeeding, daycare, preschool, sleeping arrangements, the list goes on……….

So, supper time at my house on Mothers’ Day found me hiding in the kitchen eating a piece of cake while the rest of the family was still eating REAL food in the dining room. Why? Well, there was only 1 piece of my Moms’ Day cake left and I REALLY didn’t want to share it with the kids. I. Am. So. Mean. Aren’t I? I mean, really. How terrible would it be to share a measly piece of cake with my adorable and darling children?

Well, after 82 weeks (yes, really) of total pregnancy, 13 months of total milk production and processing, and to-date 2.5 years of actual parenting, sometimes I get get SO tired of sharing my sustenance. Between the heartburn during pregnancy and my son not letting me drink milk when I was nursing, I’m finally ready to break free!

Like I said, I’m terrible! But what mother (honestly) hasn’t done this? Really I should be feeling virtuous that I didn’t inflict the horrendous amout of sugar and fat on the children, or at least that’s what I’m going to keep telling myself. The day was long, the kids were overtired and rather whiny, I worked my butt off cleaning up and working on my overdue projects (during naptime, because who can work on a computer with toddlers around), and there was 1 small piece of cake.

I deserved it.

And of course I feel guilty about that and everything else. Didn’t read enough books, didn’t give enough hugs, worked too much, didn’t let the kids in the bathroom with me while I was taking my much-needed relaxing bath (well, except for one potty emergency)………….

This weekend we had a birthday party for my six-year-old. We invited all of his kindergarten classmates so we had about 17 crazy, loud children here for two what-seemed-to-be-MUCH-longer hours.

He’s our oldest (so everything is new to us, too) and we both work full time, so while I do participate in as many activities as possible (volunteer in the classroom once a month; be the “storyteller” every now and then, etc.), I do not see or know the other mothers very much/well. So when they all come to my home and bring their children, it is strange to a) be taking gifts from strangers and b) have them not really talk to me. I found they were very clique-sh and although I would expect that at a party, I don’t expect it when I am the hostess. I mean, isn’t it proper etiquette to at least speak with the hostess a little bit? Only one really did.

The others were almost downright rude - so much so that it had my family in an uproar after the party. Honestly, I didn’t really mind. I wasn’t seeking new friends, we were there for our son and that’s all that matters - he had fun!

Which leads me to a second observation/question… what do you think of dropping your child off at a stranger’s house and leaving? On one hand I think it’s not a big deal and people probably do it all the time, on the other hand I could NEVER do that and am surprised at the ease with which the mommies did so this weekend. Who was going to watch them? How do you know who’s at the party and who they are exposed to? It just seems bizarre to me - I mean these parents don’t know us at all, really, and they are perfectly fine dropping their kids off and leaving? Am I the only one who thinks this is strange? Of course I know we’re fine and normal but, for example, some random lawn dude stopped by in the middle of the party and came walking through the kids in the backyard and I was thinking “who the hell is this guy” before he introduced himself. What if I hadn’t seen him? What if one of the kids talked to him before we knew he was there and he was… well, you know, I’m sure I have an over active mind but I’m interested in what you think.

Lastly, I guess it should not surprise me that the children who were left were the loudest and most obnoxious. At least teach them some manners, people. Then again, if you aren’t around to see how they act I guess you wouldn’t know they are screaming in every adult’s face when they need something… probably trying to make sure someone is paying attention.

Tell me, dear readers, if I’m over sensitive. Is it totally cool to drop your child off at someone’s house that you really don’t know just because they’re having a birthday party? I get it when they’re, you know, 10 or something…but kindergarten-age?

How appropriate that my first blog post on This Mommy Gig is also my first blog post on my very first Mother’s Day as a new mommy. I am filled with so many thoughts and emotions on my first Mother’s Day and I want to share a few of those here.

I always knew that I wanted children, but I knew that I didn’t want to start a family until after I finished college. Hmmm… while I could argue that I actually finally finished college just last year (completed second master’s degree), that wouldn’t really be very honest. So I will admit that it’s taken me a little longer to become a mother than I originally intended, but better late than never, right? So here I am with two beautiful twins — a little boy and a little girl — who bring me so much joy and happiness. Becoming a mom has been so much more rewarding than I ever imagined. Watching these two little people develop day-to-day is so very entertaining and fascinating. For example, just within the past few days they both have become so much more aware, interactive, and vocal. It’s so much fun to talk to them and have them try to mimic the sounds of the words.

One of the recurring thoughts going through my mind right now is a new awareness of just how strong my own mother is. I am so fortunate that I have a loving and supportive partner who is as fully involved with the care of our children as I am, but my mother was on her own at the age of 25 with a 4 year old and a newborn. She also worked full-time. I am coming to the realization that my mom really must be a real “Super Woman”, because how else could she have raised my brother and me so very well while holding a full-time career in hospital administration? What did she give up to provide so much for us? Oh, I almost forgot to mention that she also spent a good number of years taking night classes in an effort to complete her bachelor’s degree. Where did she get the energy? Granted, she was raising us through her twenties and thirties while I am just starting down the motherhood path in my mid/late thirties, but I am in very good health and pretty good shape for someone my age. My biggest fear is being in a job that demands so much of me that I have nothing left to give to my children, and my goal is to completely avoid being in such position even if it means that I have to turn down offers for advancement. While I love my work in education, my priority is to be a wonderful mother to my children. So it does amaze me when I think back on my own childhood and I recall so many wonderful moments spent with my mother. Despite a full-time career and taking classes part-time to complete a degree, she still found time to be with her children. We played together, we read together, we did projects together, we traveled together, we learned together, and we enjoyed life, love, and family together. I am so grateful to my mother for this and I hope to give the same to my own children.

How did I spend my very first Mother’s Day? We had BIG plans… We all stayed home and just enjoyed each other throughout the day. We took a fun little walk around the neighborhood in the afternoon, but other than that our big goal for the day was to just spend quality time with each other and our beautiful babies who are just beginning to become very vocal and full of smiles.  It was the best day I’ve had in a while!

So to all of the other mothers out there who may be reading this — including my own mom — I wish you all a fun and relaxing Mother’s Day filled with much love and joy!

What a perfect day to launch our mommy blog!

Mothers’ Day is for celebrating moms and we decided to celebrate US by launching This Mommy Gig today. We’re a group of working moms trying to survive the juggling act of career and motherhood. We come from all over the U.S. and have different backgrounds, but we’re all dealing with the same issues. Join us in our quest (usually chaotic) to keep everything running smoothly.

Our children are different ages and we have different careers, but the craziness is the same. We’ll be writing about our experiences and ups and downs while we try to balance juggle career, motherhood, and relationships. We’re all writing on our own schedule - some days you’ll get all of us, some days none. We’re all insanely busy, but want to share our lives with other moms like us - after all, who could get through motherhood without friends and community?

Who are we? Here’s a brief introduction:

Kate

Kate Olson shares her 40 acres in Wisconsin with a husband, a 1-year-old boy, a 2-year-old girl, and a giant dog. She attempts to work at home and is constantly protecting her laptop from little hands and sippy cups - her printer has already been corrupted by a mini-technician and her “fix-it” paperclips. She’s a child of the ’80’s and mistakenly believed that women could have it all………ha. She’s an accountant turned stay-at-home mom turned teacher turned consultant, and always, always, always, no matter how hard she runs, MOM. She blogs about her other professions and lots of tech/geeky stuff at Kate Says. You can find her on twitter as @kolson29.

Stephanie

Stephanie Sandifer lives and works in Houston, Texas where she shares her life with an amazingly supportive and loving partner, two beautiful 4 month old twins — one boy and one girl, two yellow labs, and two spoiled cats. Stephanie works full-time in education at the high school level as an instructional coach, and has the great luck to work on a campus that has a daycare where the twins spend the day. Prior to her current education role, Stephanie studied and worked as a visual artist, graphic designer, and adjunct college art faculty. Her interest in education technology has led her to recent explorations with online education and she hopes to eventually become more involved in online eLearning adventures. As another “child of the eighties”, she feels passionate about focusing on family over career like many others of her generation, and she hopes eventually to find a better way to manage a career while also pursuing her passion for Motherhood.

A water-bug by nature who grew up in Southwest Louisiana, Stephanie enjoys the Houston weather (except in August) and access to the Gulf Coast. When she gets away from work she enjoys spending time with family and friends — especially when that time includes good Cajun food, barbeque, or chips & salsa and a sunny afternoon around someone’s pool or at a lake or beach house. She is also an avid reader and sports fan — especially college sports. She enjoys hiking, traveling, golfing, and can be found enjoying a nice dinner with wine as well as holding her own at a crawfish boil. She hopes to eventually dust off her golf clubs and her art supplies… someday…

Stephanie blogs about education, education technology, leadership, and school improvement on her own blog Change Agency and on the group blog LeaderTalk.org. You can also find her on LinkedIn and Twitter @ssandifer, and occasionally playing around in Second Life with a bunch of other edtech geeks on ISTE Island.

Christine

Christine Perkett is a busy mom of two busy boys, ages 3 and 6. As a working mother, Christine spends every day trying to maintain balance between her passion for family and motherhood and her drive to run a successful business. She founded and runs PerkettPR, Inc. - a high tech pr agency with over 30 employees across 10 states - in 1998.

Perkett is active in her local community as well as the city of Boston - serving as Vice President on the Board for Boston’s Business Marketing Association and is also a member of the Board of Directors for the Norwell Visiting Nurses Association in Norwell, Mass. In addition to writing for This Mommy Gig about motherhood and its joys and challenges, she also writes for her company blog and two personal blogs including Training4Dublin which follows her marathon training with her husband for the Dublin Marathon in October 2008. Perkett is also a Blogger for WomenForHire.com (run by Tory Johnson, the Workplace Contributor on ABC’s Good Morning America) and has been a guest-blogger for PRWeek. She has been a featured speaker on the topic of technology and PR and is also a published author in “Inside the Minds: Public Relations Best Practices” by Aspatore Books and was profiled in the “Entrepreneurial Small Business” college text book by McGraw Hill (January 2008).

Christine lives with her husband, children and three dogs – two beagles and a Chihuahua – in Marshfield, Mass. She enjoys the areas many beaches as well as running, kayaking, reading, writing, travel, wine, chocolate, cheese and is an avid Red Sox fan. If you can catch her in between her family and work commitments, you can connect with Christine on Linkedin, Facebook or on Twitter at @missusP.

Thanks for visiting and we hope you’ll be back!

We’re not quite up and running yet, but we will be soon! If you want to contact us, email kolson29 at gmail.com or via twitter at @kolson29, @missusp, or @ssandifer.

Stay tuned for some great mommy writing starting on Sunday, May 11, 2008!

For now, why not just subscribe so you don’t miss our first “real” post?