Birthdays, Mommy Cliques, Screamers and More
May 12th, 2008 by Christine Perkett
This weekend we had a birthday party for my six-year-old. We invited all of his kindergarten classmates so we had about 17 crazy, loud children here for two what-seemed-to-be-MUCH-longer hours.
He’s our oldest (so everything is new to us, too) and we both work full time, so while I do participate in as many activities as possible (volunteer in the classroom once a month; be the “storyteller” every now and then, etc.), I do not see or know the other mothers very much/well. So when they all come to my home and bring their children, it is strange to a) be taking gifts from strangers and b) have them not really talk to me. I found they were very clique-sh and although I would expect that at a party, I don’t expect it when I am the hostess. I mean, isn’t it proper etiquette to at least speak with the hostess a little bit? Only one really did.
The others were almost downright rude - so much so that it had my family in an uproar after the party. Honestly, I didn’t really mind. I wasn’t seeking new friends, we were there for our son and that’s all that matters - he had fun!
Which leads me to a second observation/question… what do you think of dropping your child off at a stranger’s house and leaving? On one hand I think it’s not a big deal and people probably do it all the time, on the other hand I could NEVER do that and am surprised at the ease with which the mommies did so this weekend. Who was going to watch them? How do you know who’s at the party and who they are exposed to? It just seems bizarre to me - I mean these parents don’t know us at all, really, and they are perfectly fine dropping their kids off and leaving? Am I the only one who thinks this is strange? Of course I know we’re fine and normal but, for example, some random lawn dude stopped by in the middle of the party and came walking through the kids in the backyard and I was thinking “who the hell is this guy” before he introduced himself. What if I hadn’t seen him? What if one of the kids talked to him before we knew he was there and he was… well, you know, I’m sure I have an over active mind but I’m interested in what you think.
Lastly, I guess it should not surprise me that the children who were left were the loudest and most obnoxious. At least teach them some manners, people. Then again, if you aren’t around to see how they act I guess you wouldn’t know they are screaming in every adult’s face when they need something… probably trying to make sure someone is paying attention.
Tell me, dear readers, if I’m over sensitive. Is it totally cool to drop your child off at someone’s house that you really don’t know just because they’re having a birthday party? I get it when they’re, you know, 10 or something…but kindergarten-age?
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I think it is lame that people would use a birthday party as drop off day care. Our kids are all under 4 and parties are more about the kids. But most parents make the kids say thank you…and don’t think we’d go if we didn’t know the parents. But yes, it is a clique, maybe unintentional..all stay at home moms b/c kids know each other from preschool.
Good points, Christine. I have to be pretty comfortable with another set of parents before I leave my kids with them untended.
But my *biggest* peeve that you’ve touched on here: screamers. Folks, please, ANY child can be taught not to scream. I know a couple of kids with Asperger’s and similar conditions who face much larger challenges in terms of impulse control than the average kid, and they can comport themselves very well in mixed company — because their parents have expended the time & energy to help them learn how.
My bit of schadenfreude: kids like the ones you’re describing typically scream at me *just once*. I’d never raise my hand to any kid, but I wasn’t a youth minister’s son for all those years without learning how to corral a child’s impulses. My sister is the same, which is a useful professional skill for her since she’s an elementary-school librarian. She gets a kick out of it when novice teachers complain about how rowdy their classes are. My sister’s reply: “Oh, really? They’re not that way when you leave them with *me*.”
After consultation with my wife…I shall retract my previous judgment.
Parents hosting the parties often invite the other parents to drop off the kids. And when you have a 2 year old and 2 month old in tow…they are not usually invited. So the best thing, for the enjoyment of the kids and everyone involved is to let the host manage the crowd.
Hey guys, thanks! Nice to hear the men chiming in. Dave, my sister-in-law is in your wife’s camp; drop ‘em off. I guess that’s my ignorance - see like I said, this is our oldest so we’re learning too. However, I made a point to invite all siblings in the invitation so that’s no excuse
We’ve always been “the more the merrier” type of hosts so we usually haver drinks/entertainment for the parents as well. i guess we have to succumb to the new reality of children’s birthday parties…which are loud, crazy, and I must say, non-stop not-all-that-fun for the parents! Ah, the things we do for our kids.
Christine Perketts last blog post..Persuasive Picks for the week of 05/05/08
Being a sister-in-law myself, I must for the record state my point of view, thus being that the “drop and run” technique, is not ok in my book. I have seen on more than one occasion parent(s), bring their child, say hello to the hosting adults, do the old, pass the beautifully wrapped gift, kiss their child while whispering in their ear, “be good and I’ll pick you up in a few hours”. Not cool. No matter how fabulous the gift is!
My husband and I recently attended a birthday party of my almost 6 year old sons, classmates. Never met the parents, had no idea who the kid was who’s birthday we were attending and saw it happen in the flesh. The old drop in run… Did I mention this party was at ChuckE Cheese? Yeah, it’s Cheese-E alright… There is no special private room, no certain “Cheese-E party co-ordinator” it’s a big free for all… they throw you a few gold tokens and they (the kids)were off in every direction. I simple just don’t get it? Yes, I watch not only our son like a hawk but this woman’s son whom what left to attend to himself on his own.
In a nutshell, birthday parties are not child care with cake and ice cream so suck it up, watch your kid for a few hours, enjoy some small talk and don’t forget to take your child’s parting birthday favor filled with candy.
Oh, and one more thing, if your in someone’s house, who is hosting the birthday party, have some manners and at least say hello, nice house and thank you for inviting your child, it’s the least you could do. You don’t need Dear Miss Abby or Anne Landers to tell you that one!