Is being a mom today easier or harder than yesterday?
May 21st, 2008 by Kelli Matthews
I came across the results of a survey from BabyCenter today. The survey was done in March, so this may be old news, but it really made me think… Do I have it easier than my mom did?
The survey posed the question: Is being a mom harder or easier compared to your mom/grandma’s day? The results said that 53% thought their mom’s had it easier and 47% said grandma’s generation did.
I’m the oldest of seven, so even though I may be the reigning queen of multi-hat-wearing as a mother, entrepreneur and part-time university instructor, I am confident that my mom’s responsibilities in raising her bunch was harder than my gig.
How motherhood/parenthood is easier:
- We know so much more about what works and how to raise healthy, safe and cherished children. I’m on the board of my local United Way Success by Six team and I’m constantly amazed at all the information I take away about raising kids who are “ready to learn” (our particular organization’s focus). For some tips, check out Born Learning.
- Technology means that tools and information are at our fingertips to help make or reinforce our instincts as mothers.
- Men are expected to share in the childcare duties (this was the top BabyCenter answer). I would agree this helps. My partner is a stay-at-home dad, so I wear all the hats and minimize the mommy guilt. But it’s not always easier. I’d be lying if I said the process worked the way I wanted it to work all the time. But, as only half the equation, I have to be open to compromise.
- The last generation-and-a-half (ages 0 - mid-20s) is the most wanted in all of human history. We didn’t have to have kids - we wanted to have kids. I suppose that doesn’t make the job “easier,” but it might be more enjoyable.
How it’s harder:
- Soul-crushing expectations of perfection for both parents and their kids. It’s about more than just “having it all” - career, family, etc. - it’s about excelling at it all. And I know that I put a lot of this pressure on myself, but there are plenty of external pressures, too.
- We can do less and less with the average wages that we earn. Twenty years ago, a house cost 2 - 3 times the average income. Now, it’s more like 4 - 5 times. College costs are exponentially higher, making it more difficult to afford for the average family without taking on a heavy loan or mountains of debt.
- Too much yuck to protect our kids from (the BabyCenter top answer was “too much inappropriate media”). In terms of TV, Braxton is 2 and so he’s happy with Baby Einstein’s or Thomas, but I still worry. And worry. And worry. It’s not just media; there’s a lot of yuck and I either need to protect him or teach him to navigate for himself.
Despite the opinion that it is now a harder job than our mom’s and grandma’s faced, all in all, 82% of respondents said that they were happier as a mom.
What do you think? Easier or harder? How about for dads?
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Chill, ma. Go with your instincts and then litluns ‘ll be fine.
People look at me and wonder how it’s possible that my kids, now teens, are so together when I’m so, uh…what was the question?
My basic rules:
1-Be present. Kids are only raised by TV if that’s their dominant influence. If you are there to be there, it’s not a problem.
2-Never give your kids what they want. Always give your kids what they need.
3-The sound of a crying child is the sound of your liberation. Don’t be fooled by their angelic little faces - you are in a battle of wills. You know that Little Cry that brings you running? Big mistake. To the baby, it’s just a test to see if you’ll do what she wants you to do. There’s no real purpose, she’s just checking. This is clearly differentiated from the Big Cry by the fact that your blood doesn’t instantly curdle and send your heartrate to 150+.
Other than that, relax. Have that drink you denied yourself during pregnancy. Clearly, the kids are gonna have an environment of love where literacy, learning and communication play important roles. What’s not to like?
Enough from the Unsolicited Advice Dept. As to the question you actually asked, is it really possible for this process ever to be made any easier or any harder by outside factors? Parenting success begins and ends with the parent. Harsh answer, but true. As you will find.
Hey thanks! I’m going to pour myself a glass of wine right now.
Interesting post!
So, current day moms were actually answering the poll questions. Would be interesting to actually poll their or (your) mother & grandmother to compare notes
I will add that it certainly does seem with every technological *advance” I seem just a little more *pressed* for time….
hmmm…why is that?
I talked to my mom about this post and she said there were lots of ways that it was harder for me. The interesting thing was that we agreed almost point for point. She’d say something and then I’d say, “That’s what I said!” So she and I are definitely on the same page.
I think you hit on a very interesting point - our generation is definitely a “wanting” generation. My girlfriends and I are all beginning the adventure of mommyhood (most of us are still preggo), and I don’t think I (or them) have ever wanted anything more in life…And that alone, may not make it easier, but it makes it more exciting, enjoyed and desired.
Kelli - I think that we definetly have it easier than our moms in some ways. I love my dad, and I would never try and say that he didn’t work hard everyday while I was growing up, but he wasn’t much help on the homefront.
Tonight my wonderful husband bathed the kids, dressed them in their jammies, flossed and brushed their teeth and then read them a chapter before tucking them into bed all while I was enjoying some time on the internet and drinking coffee he for made me! My mom did not raise her children in this same type of partnership.
But on the other hand, my mom didn’t have to worry about PBA toxics in our water bottles, parabens and petroleum products in our baby bath wash, chemicals in our sunscreen or even whether the carseat was installed properly. I don’t think she even used any of those products!
I think the ease or difficulty of being a Mom is measured by attitude (and sense of humor) - at least that’s the view from 28 years of being a married mom - single mom - re-married mom - step mom. Well, yeah, financial and medical crisis stretches the attitude … gotta` dig deep. But, end of the day, being a mom warms my soul and is my most fullfilling accomplisment ( including the 35 years of being a career lady.)
Wow! Agree with Margy…”difficulty being a Mom is measured by attitude (and a sense of humor).” I used to think less of my Mom because she chose to stay home and raise her children (an easy way) instead of pursuing a career. I now realize how difficult staying at home and raising/teaching my sister and I must have been. Also, I realize how fortunate I am to have had such an upbringing especially when my mom was raised in a single parent family during a time when being a single mother was not fashionable.
The days when I wake up with a refreshed spirit and open heart are the most enjoyable days and fulfilling moments as a mother. I know I cannot do everything perfectly, but it is the quality that counts.
Lauren Vargass last blog post..Now is gone, but we’re only just beginning!
Thanks everyone for the great insights! I love being a mom, it’s the joy of my life. I’m pretty laid back and have a great time discovering the world through his eyes. I think we all need to relax a bit and trust ourselves - the whole family benefits.
The best part of writing this post was the conversation I got to have with my mom after I posted it.
I don’t know that any generation has it easier or harder - just different. One thing that may have helped our mothers and grandmothers and mothers was the trend of staying close to home when grown, providing close-by help with the kids as needed. I, for one, am quite envious of my friends who have relatives nearby to help out.
I don’t know that being a “MOM” is any harder today than when I raised my kids , but juggling life sure is. THere are so many more things to to take care of today. More mothers working outside the home, cost of living to worry more about. More influences on the kids of today. Does that make your job as a mother harder? Guess it depends on how much you worry about things. There are always going to be more “things” to worry about as time goes on. So relax, so Johnny doesn’t get a bath tonight, does he know mommy and daddy love him? Priorities is the key.
Interesting article!
I am a stay at home mom and I relate to Kristen’s comment regarding being closer to family . . . for the support. I feel that lack, as none of my family is very close. My husband leading a very busy life, so I can be home with my boys.
Still I don’t have an answer to this. Harder, nah . . . easier, maybe . . . different, definitely.
Stacys last blog post..Shift
Hmm, I don’t know. I think being a mom today is harder, with all of the newer technology and not to mention advances in child development. Women can actually go out and do what they want now, they can choose their own career paths, which is amazing. I work for Microsoft and our biggest concern right now is being able to help women who are trying to start their own business, and give them some resources that could really help!
Right now we’re trying to reach out and connect with influential bloggers, like you, and try and offer some help to those women trying to get their business started! I’d love to share some information with you on how we can do that!
We just wrapped up a women’s entrepreneurial tour across the US called “Vision To Venture;” the response and turn-out was great!
I’d really love your take on these offerings we have right now; I would have contacted you via email but I didn’t know which was the best way to reach you.
Thank you so much, I hope I didn’t overstep my bounds by directly contacting you. Get back to me if I’ve caught your interest– I’d love to share more info with you.
Best,
Bianca Russo
Official Microsoft Ambassador
bianca.russo@live.com