Awesome! (But Ouch)
May 23rd, 2008 by Christine Perkett
Sometimes when you’re a working mother you react a bit more strongly to those “missed moments” than you might otherwise. Guilt sinks in almost immediately that you’ve missed a very important milestone that you can never get back because you chose to work.
Case in point - this week. I was on my way out to a business meeting and when I walked outside, my six-year-old son screamed, “Mommy, Mommy, I have to show you something!” In typical fashion I was rushed and said “Honey, can’t you show me when I get home tonight? I really have to go….” But then the nanny chimed in, “Oh you’ll want to see this.”
So I said, “okay, quick, show me.”
And he climbed on his bike.
The one that up until that morning had training wheels. The nanny had taken them off and…
… taught my son how to ride a bike.
This may not seem like a big deal to you - but to me, learning to ride your bike is that quintessential moment in life that you share with a parent who lets go too soon and you get mad but eventually you forgive them as you feel the thrill of overcoming your fears and pedaling away. And it’s a moment you remember forever. One that books and movies often show as a touching childhood right of passage between child and parent.
Ouch.
To think that my son will think back and remember some nanny of mine taught me to ride my bike really gets to me. Maybe it’s not that big of a deal to him. Maybe it’s random and unusual that I still remember the moment my father taught me how to ride mine. Maybe it’s just one of a zillion moments in life that I will miss not only due to working but just the fact that you can’t be with them all the time - like at school, camp, etc.
Nonetheless, it stung.
I masked my disappointment in oohs and ahhs, “Awesome!” and high fives for both him and the nanny. But it was definitely one of those “ouch” parenting moments when you question your choices. (This often happens during the summer when she gets to spend all day with them at the beach and I’m stuck in an office… uh, wait, why did I choose this path again?!)
Oh well, there’s always the 2-year-old…
If you're new here, you may want to subscribe so you don't miss any of the action! Have you met all of the contributors? Head over and find out about the fabulous parents writing here! Thanks for visiting!
One of the most difficult things about being a parent is the unexpected pain of the good moments.
Al Dosss last blog post..The Most Horrible Word in the World
I feel that pain. I felt terrible that my son hadn’t learned to ride a bike (luckily they don’t do that in after-care) and I had the chance to teach him. I think I was happier than he was. But I watch him struggle on the baseball field and know that part of his problem is that I’m just not there to help him learn.
There are so many other things I can’t be there to watch, like the fact that he excels at karate. I’ve only seen him do it couple of times, but he much better at it than any other activity. I wish I had the time to go watch him each week to see the progression.
Chuck Ts last blog post..Jazzfest Trumpet, New Orleans, La.
Oh, I’m so sorry you missed this. You are right - awesome but ouch. I’m facing those missed moments too - my guy hasn’t taken his first step yet but I really (really really) hope I’m there when he does. I’m happy he learned to crawl on a weekend!
Sarah the Spunky Mommy @myjezis last blog post..Baby on Board (of the BOAT)
I still remember learning to ride my bike. My dad took me to the top of a gentle-sloped, grassy hill so I could get some momentum without wiping out on asphalt.
Lately, as I’m dashing out the door to work, and my son is asking me to play a game with him, or play cars, or reminding me not to crash into any trucks as I drive, I feel a little guilty that I can’t be home with him too. (Then again, some days I’m looking forward to a little peace and quiet in the office.)
Overall, I try to prioritize the time that I do have (outside work and such) to be spent with him. It means I miss out on plenty of other things I’d like to do, but it’s worth the sacrifice.
John Johansens last blog post..Video Introduction to Me
Christine -
I was at home with Maggie for all of her firsts, but Jake learned to crawl mostly at daycare and home with Daddy in the mornings and pretty much learned to walk without me too. I think I dealt with it better than I would have with Maggie because he’s my second, but who knows, it was hard either way. Just know that your son will remember more who’s with him on bike rides than the actually moment of learning (I honestly can’t remember learning to ride a bike, but I remember biking with my mom!). Hugs to you on this, I know it’s a hard thing to deal with…………
I was SO feeling your pain when I read this
I feel your pain but don’t take it too hard!
My neighbors taught me how to ride my bike! They also taught me there is no Santa Clause.
Remember what they say, “it takes a village…” and it truly does, we can’t do it all and you are doing the best you can, and you should feel good about that.
If it helps at all, many kids finally learn to take off the training wheels, both literally and figuratively, without Mom or Dad present. With many, it’s one of their friends, or maybe an aunt or uncle or brother or sister. Sometimes there’s too much pressure with Mom or Dad. I was always mightily pleased when my kids learned something without my helping them a lot. It always seems to turn out better for them that way. See how proud he was to show you?
No matter who taught him, who unscrewed the training wheels or held his hand, in the end he was so proud that he had accomplished it. It is a HUGE milestone in 6 years of life but what is the most important to remember, he called your name and wanted you to see him! That is the moment he will recall. The feeling of turning the corner and how he was sitting in the drive way, helmet on and palms a bit sweaty praying that when you stood in the door way, peeking out to see what he wanted, that he could really do it. The look on your face is what he will hold in his little “mojo bag” of special memories… He will sit back when he is called out by his son or daughter hearing that, “Daddy, I have to show you something….” he will remember when he learned and how he was so proud to share it with you… It then will become full circle and he will smile….
I was just thinking about this topic this week. My “in-laws” were proudly showing me the photos of Braxton’s first horse ride this last week. Horses have been a big part of my life and I’ve been talking about him riding horses since I was pregnant. It was part… gee, I wish you would’ve asked and part that I felt guilty and sad that I wasn’t there.
I talked to my mom about it just this morning and she talked me down. But it still hurts a little. I just know that he and I will have many hours on horseback in our lives… together.
Kelli Matthewss last blog post..Guest Post: Tips for a Great Portfolio Review Episode 2
As the father of the six year old boy in the above picture, I too was a little disappointed when I received the text from our Nanny telling me that our son was riding his bike without training wheels. The disappointment, however, quickly went away when I went out to the driveway to see him ride his bike “sans training wheels”. In reality, I watched our boy go about seven feet in a straight line before jumping off the bike because he has no concept of a) steering and - perhaps more importantly - b) braking. Much like my wife, I cheered loudly and celebrated his accomplishment. But rest assured - just as in life - there’s a lot more to be done beyond the physical removal of said training wheels. When I look back at my own childhood, I cannot for the life of me remember who took off my training wheels (it was likely ME) - but I do remember all of the fun rides around the block on my bike with my father and older sister. Those are the true memories I’ve kept with me all these years.
Mr. P! Thanks for chiming in. Awww, you read my posts
And - you have GREAT points!