It has just been one of those days. You know, the kind when I wonder about the decisions I’ve made in my child’s life. Yes, on some level, I wonder about these decisions all the time, but I am not always aware of them.  Today, however, it was apparent. 

Let me set the scene: It is 5:25 pm.  I am just home from a long day at school and at practice.  (It might help for you to know that my day started at 5:15 am, getting out the door by 6:45, dropping son off at day care, and arriving at school in time for my 7:00 am meeting. Then, after teaching my classes, I went to yet another meeting and then a two hour tennis practice.)  I walk in the door to my son, yelling “Mommy!!!” and the most wonderful smells coming from my kitchen.  I start to relax. 

I set down my bags, and help my husband get my son ready for dinner.  My son says grace, and then we start to eat. Then I hear “Rachel?  What’s this?”  I turn, only to see my son looking at me with questioning eyes.  I kindly say, “Did you just call me Rachel?” to which he says, “Mommy?  What’s this?”.  This wouldn’t be altogether bad, except that he repeated this behavior several times at dinner.

To non-moms, this is no big thing.  But for those of us who have chosen to raise both children and careers, this is a huge guilt-laden reminder that our children are being raised - at least partially - by someone else.  

I have had many days like this.  Sometimes, like today, it is just small, jabbing reminders of my choice. Others, are a bit more specific.  When Aidan was a baby, I was unable to breast-feed.  This? Was not a choice.  I simply didn’t have any milk for him, so it was either bottle-feed, or starve newborn baby.  Yet, I had nurses, friends, and even random women I’d never met before literally yell at me for making a bad decision for my child!  As if I needed more guilt added to my day.

The point?  I have two. First, if you are feeling guilty (like me) of the decisions that you have made, give yourself a break. This mother stuff is not easy, and whatever decision makes you a better mommy will, at the end of the day, make for a better baby. 

Second, if you are one of the nurses, friends, or random women who tend to dish out strong advice about another woman’s decision - be careful.  Remember, a mother is closer to her guilt than she even is to her child.  She doesn’t need your help to get more guilt ladled on!  If you have advice, give it in a non-threatening manner.  Or?  Better yet?  Let her learn for herself.  

And with that? I have to go, for my toddler is trying to let himself into the locked room where I am writing this.  Hey - don’t judge.

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