Daddy Daycare?
Jun 3rd, 2008 by Kate Olson
This is something that has been eating at me for a few weeks. One of my good friends (and husband of my best friend) is a stay-at-home dad and an EXCELLENT father. I’d trust him with my kids wholeheartedly and know he’d probably do a better job of doing fun, creative activities than I would!
When I mentioned to another friend that this guy would do a great job at doing childcare, her immediate response was, “Well, no one would go to him, you know that.” Say WHAT? Her response to that was that no one would take their children to a guy doing in-home daycare. I seriously don’t believe this, but what do I know, I haven’t polled the world yet. It infuriates me that this may be the case as I know that this guy would do a MUCH better job at in-home childcare (as would my husband) than I would - why should gender matter?
Weigh in - would you take your children to a full-time stay-at-home dad for in-home childcare? Thoughts? Reactions?
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If he came highly recommended and I got a good feel for the place when I visited, then I would feel completely comfortable leaving my children with him.
Faced this paradox in real time just yesterday.
One of our absolute top-notch, go-to babysitters — the kind we truly trust our kid’s life with — was busy this Friday night while we’ll be out for the evening. She suggested, however, that her husband would be available.
Keep in mind, our baby son has stayed at her house for 2 nights last year; her husband was one-half of the ‘team’ that took care of him.
Keep in mind, when she comes to our house to babysit, he often comes with her. And our son is super comfortable with both of them.
And yet, even as a proud papa (and daddy-blogger) who truly believes that both genders can do brilliant work when it comes to taking good care of a kiddo, there was an honest hesitation before we decided what to do.
My wife and I asked two simple questions: “Is there any reason why he wouldn’t do a great job?” and “Do you trust him?”
Both were answered quickly.
We called our go-to babysitter back, the one we adore, the one who offered her husband, the one who’s husband was one half of a great team that took care of him for 2 consecutive over-nights when we were out of town on business…
…and we said, “We’d love to have him come over and take care of our son.”
And there have been zero regrets/second thoughts since.
My wife and I spent
I do think it would be much more difficult for a man to run a daycare/babysitting service. As a male elementary teacher I am really careful about how I interact with the kids. I’m not comfortable showing the same affection to students that my female colleagues do. There have been too many “Dateline-like” episodes on disgusting, criminal male teachers that prey on kids for most people to not have some stereotype of male teachers, especially of younger students. I don’t take it too personally, but it does stink that I can’t form the same relationships with kids that 95% of the teachers in our school can. Teaching is a little different than private daycare, but I think your friend would face many of the same attitudes and preconceptions that I do.
I would be completely open to the idea of a Daddy Day care as my favorite elementary teachers, day camp counselors and principals were men. And as you said, guys bring a different kind of fun to interacting with kids that i think is important and i’m sure there are lots of men out there that have more patience than I do!
I think James is right about the “Dateline effect”. My initial thought about whether I’d leave my boys at a “Daddy daycare” was no way. But I have no rational reason for this. I know that being male doesn’t make the person bad with kids or a pervert. But, yet, there’s that feeling that a man is somehow less trustworthy with kids than a woman. After all, you’re supposed to tell your kids if they’re lost to find a _mom_ with kids, not a _dad_ with kids.
That’s really sad. It shouldn’t be that way, but the stereotype has been reinforced for so long that, despite my intellectual “knowing” that there’s no reason for it, I have to admit I would be uncomfortable leaving them with a guy. And if I know that it’s irrational and still feel that way, I suspect there’s a lot of people who would simply say “no way” without even questioning themselves.
Michelle
I work for the YMCA and have several childcare sites at my branch. I know from firsthand experience that men are looked at from a different perspective than women. Men almost always have to fight that “he might be a child molester” mentality. Women get the benefit of the doubt. Not fair and really not founded in anything but what the media feeds us on the nightly news.
Matthews last blog post..What am I going to be when I grow up, Daddy?
This may be a frame of reference issue. In personal experience, I know that my husband’s forte is not child care. He’s a great dad, excellent provider, super at rough housing and special stuff like fishing trips and tractor rides, but in our household I take on all the day to day maintenance stuff. And we all look at our world through glasses tinted by our own experience.
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That being said, my brother in law is a super stay at home dad, who I have very comfortably left my kids with. He really brings things to the table that a female might not, especially for young boys learning how to be men. Its all about knowing the person and judging their personality and abilities.
[...] ran across an interesting post today about the notion that a man would be at a disadvantage if he ran his own daycare. The issue [...]
Matthew is right on with his comment.