As you may have read in my bio, I became a stay at home mom about a year ago, after my little boy’s chronic and recurring sinus infections literally had him on antibiotics constantly, and his immune system wasn’t functioning properly, never having a chance to fully recover between infections.  That was both a blessing and a curse for us: A blessing because it forced me to make the change I had wanted to make since before I even gave birth to my son, but a curse because it was all happening so quickly and there was so much fear in our hearts about the health of our son.  

What I soon found was that I loved being home despite having a little less money in the bank, Angelo was finally HEALTHY for the first time in nearly three years, and our home life was so much more peaceful and easy without my often demanding career in the mix.  My relationship with my husband became once again blissful, with no more silly, heated arguments about who was going to stay home with Angelo when he was sick, who was going to go in to work late or leave work early to take him to another of his many, many doctor appointments or medical tests, who was stretched more to their breaking point.  Personally, I was more serene, content, relaxed… happy.  Gone were the chest pains that had been plaguing me on and off for the prior two years (at age 32-33!), gone was that tight feeling of anxiety that often prevented me from really being able to take a deep, cleansing breath.  Gone were the stomach ailments brought on by stress and worry.  Suddenly, I was human again.  I was a person I recognized. I was me again.    

Given my newfound serenity it’s easy to understand how, before long, I had created in my mind a vividly painted picture of the future with me still being at home, caring for our son (and any future children) and our home, and never returning to the workforce again.  Ever.  

Don’t get me wrong - I loved my job.  I really did.  I always felt so fortunate to have found such a fantastic, progressive and opportunity-rich employer, to work for a very cool and compassionate boss who was always in my corner and helping me reach the next level in my career, and to have work that was interesting, exciting, challenging and full of growth potential.  But.  All the things I loved about my job were the things that made it hard for me to find the right balance with my home life.  Aside from that, I sort of stumbled into the area of work I was in (managing a political action committee), and while it was fun at time, I don’t really know that it’s what I’m meant to spend my life doing.    

I had been with my company for nearly eight years, and I felt hugely invested in it.  I wanted to do my best for them, to not let anyone down.  Unfortunately, that often meant taking work home with me and being available to take a call or address an email quickly, at any time.  It sometimes meant having to go into work early or stay late to finish a project, hold an important meeting, finish a critical call with a vendor.  And I had a tendency to take on everything they offered me, like the PAC, no matter how big or small, because I wanted to show them that I was leadership material, that I could be organized and efficient.  At a certain point, however, you reach critical mass and while you may realize it, they often don’t.  And saying “no” at that point sometimes doesn’t feel like an option.  I was there.   

So, with Angelo entering full-day kindergarten in September and no other children on the horizon at this point to factor into the equation, the question is what do I do with myself come September?  Dan wants me to return to work, and while I’ve agreed that it’s probably a prudent thing to do financially, I don’t want to go back to work full-time.  I want to have a little flexibility yet to help out at Angelo’s school and in his classroom, to be able to continue working out and taking care of myself, and to not have to put him in after-school daycare.  I also want to be able to have my summers off so I can be at home with Angelo and not have to put him in summer daycare.  There’s just one problem:  I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up!

My old employer has asked if I’d be interested in returning there.  I love them, I miss them, but - no.  I don’t see being able to truly work part-time and “leave work at work” if I were to go back there right now.  And I don’t think I want to go back into PAC management, although it might be a decent gig to do on a consulting basis while I figure out my true professional calling.  In all honesty though, I think that if I’m only going to want to work part time (maybe 20 hours/week) and if I’m going to want to still have my summers off, my best course of action in the short-term is to take a “normal” part-time job where I go to work, put in my hours, come home.  I’m not bringing work home with me, I’m not stressing out over it.  I’m just doing the job and collecting the paycheck while still having a relatively calm life.  

When I envision the perfect job in that scenario, I keep thinking that a job at my gym is probably just the ticket.  My gym membership would be free, I’d remain in an environment that would continue to motivate me to keep working out and getting more fit, but it would be an “easy” job to have on a part-time basis, and an “easy” job to leave in the summers.  Furthermore, I’ve enjoyed my gym’s Pilates classes so much that I want to become an instructor and teach a few classes myself.  There’s just one teeny tiny little snag:  That type of job won’t offer all that much in the way of pay.  Personally, I’m cool with that and I think ANY contribution I make financially should be viewed as a good thing after this past year of NOT contributing anything.  Dan hasn’t quite decided how he feels about that yet, but I think he’ll come around to my way of thinking.  I hope.  Maybe…? 

Anyway, stay tuned over the next few months as I figure out what my next career move will be.  It’s a little scary to think about going back to work, but it’s exciting, too, since this will be a fresh start for me, an opportunity to go in a completely different direction.  How cool is that?