From Another Perspective…
Jun 6th, 2008 by Stephanie Sandifer
This morning on my way to work I saw a young couple walking to the school. The young man was holding their infant son in his arms. Both parents are students at my school and the infant was on his way to be dropped off at the on-campus daycare before the two students headed off to their classes.
This week our local paper ran stories about a local high school that the state has declared must be shutdown (and reopened with new name and new staff), and a story about a 13 year old boy who was shot by a police officer because the boy was shooting a handgun around a local neighborhood at 3:00 a.m. Both of these stories included reader comments and many of the readers were asking the question: “Where are the parents?” Where are the parents of the 13 year old boy? Where are the parents of the students at the failing school and why aren’t they more involved? Some readers commented back that in many cases, those parents are working 2 to 3 jobs just to put food on the table and their absence is not due to disinterest but due rather to simple issues of time and economy.
I think about my own situation and I wonder “Am I spoiled?” Do I have a right to complain about my own struggle for work/life balance when there are so many people out there for whom work/life balance isn’t even on their radar because they are too worried about food and shelter?
I can work from 8:00 to 5:00 everyday. I can afford to make employment/advancement decisions that benefit my desire for work/life balance because economically I am not in a situation where I have to accept just any job that comes along. My children aren’t starving and I can spend quality time with them every evening and every weekend. As my children grow, I will be able to monitor my children and be involved in their school experiences, social life, and extra-curricular activities. I have privileges that so many people just don’t have — and in many cases, have no hope of ever having.
When I have days like I have had today, I feel guilty for wanting more work/life balance/flexibility than I currently have in my life. Thoughts begin to run through my head that I should just be grateful for what I do have. I am grateful. I do feel blessed and I am thankful that I have an education and career that allow me to have as much as I do in my life. I also know that I would have none of this without my own hard work and the support/encouragement/involvement of my parents, family, community, and teachers when I was younger.
But I am left with a nagging question: “Who is supporting, encouraging, and being involved with the other young people in my city?”
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I run into these thoughts all the time, too. I have gotten to the place I am in my life by virtue of my parents’ priorities for a good education, often at the exclusion of their own luxuries. I got here by working hard to be a good student and getting a lot of scholarships. But I also got here because of a lot of good luck.
I’m lucky I wasn’t born in Sudan or Somalia. I’m lucky I had great doctors, dentists, teachers, pastors. I’m lucky I got to go to school for 13 years for free. I’m lucky I was in the myriad of extracurricular activities that a suburban white kid was “expected” to be in. I’m lucky I was able to go to college — a better one than my middle class status should have afforded to me. I’m lucky I had great professors and career mentors all along the way. I’m lucky I met a wonderful man and have two amazing kids who are healthy and brilliant. I’m lucky I have a house, some cars, food on the table, fresh drinking water, and electricity to make my daily existence quite comfortable. I’m lucky to have been born during an era when women have more rights than at any time in history, and in a country in which my thoughts, opinions and wishes can be expressed. I’m lucky to be able to be sitting here at this moment and keying my opinion into a computer, to share with the entire world! I do think of these things a lot, and I thank God for the blessings I have been given.
I try hard to point these things out to my own children when it seems appropriate. It doesn’t seem right that they can throw away half of a meal, which would be more than some child in other circumstances has seen all week. It doesn’t seem right that I lament over the rising cost of driving my air-conditioned van all over the suburbs while a woman of my age somewhere else spends an entire day walking to get as much water as she can carry home for the next day. It doesn’t seem right that my children take foreign languages for fun, while other children in similar schools cannot learn in the only language they have known since birth, due to funding cuts — or even worse, can’t go to school at all. I could go on.
I try to be appreciative of the life I have. I try to educate my children in the differences between “needs” and “wants”. I try to open their eyes to the reality that some children live a much harsher life, and will continue to, long into their adulthood. We donate to the causes brought to our attention by our church, both locally and globally. We participate in some rather unique volunteer experiences, hoping to raise our kids’ awareness. But I still wonder if there is something more, if it’s enough, etc.
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