Kate Olson is a mother of 2 toddlers and lives in rural Wisconsin. She balances motherhood & working from home in a semi-functional fashion - you can read more about Kate on our contributors page. She blogs about education and lots of business/tech stuff at Kate Says . Want more? Read all of Kate’s posts!
I almost spit out my diet Nestea when reading an article in the latest Parents magazine about social interactions for kids - these articles always are a bit much for me, but this one really blew me away. In the same 2-paragraph piece, the author states that playdates just aren’t enough for preschool age children and they really need to attend preschool to get the appropriate interactions - then goes on to say that although the children are in preschool, they still need one-on-one interactions with other children and parents need to schedule at least 2 playdates per week!
Are you kidding me? Maybe I’m living in a really strange area, but the thought of most of the moms I know managing to fit in 2 scheduled playdates each week on top of working and managing other activities is just ludicrous. Maybe you’ll all tell me that where YOU live, kids go to preschool and have 5 playdates every week and I’m a weirdo - that’s fine, I guess I’ll learn something from it! It’s just that the reality of life for working moms does NOT equate to time for multiple playdates after a child has been in daycare and preschool all day - when would the children hang out with mom and dad?
I really think this might be one of the biggest dividing factors between moms who work at a job OTHER than parenting and moms who stay at home with their children full-time. Remember, I’ve done both - no judgments being made here. My take on this? I believe that my kids are getting incredibly valuable social interactions at the loving in-home daycare they attend and therefore, no additional playdates are necessary unless I can somehow squeeze one in on the weekend.
Oh, and trying to SCHEDULE playdates when I AM home? HA! HA again! First of all, right now I’m at home with the kiddos for the summer (they’ll go back to daycare in the fall), BUT I’m working at home at the same time. Not an ideal situation and definitely fodder for another post. Anyway, I’m at home with my kids and could technically schedule “dates” whenever I’d like to. Here’s why it isn’t happening:
- Friend #1’s son takes his nap opposite of when my kids take their naps PLUS Friend #1 works outside of the house half-days
- Friend #2’s kids don’t really take naps and their best time to play is when my kids are taking theirs
- Friend #3 works really strange hours and I never have any idea of when she’ll be able to meet up, plus, her 2 older kids get WAY bored when they hang out with us
- Friend #4 has such a busy life when she’s home during the summer that I’m sure I won’t get a glimpse of her child - oh, and they live 40 minutes away. Did I mention nap schedules?
- All of the above have husbands who are home at different times and actually want to spend TIME with their families, therefore dad time = no playdate time.
I’d like to pretend that I have oodles more friends that I’m just not listing here, but we just don’t have a ton of close friends that have kids the same age as ours AND I’m just not the type to hang out at someone’s house, or invite them to my own, if we don’t know one another very well. The playdate social situation is pretty awkward for me in that regard………..sigh.
Am I harming my kids?
Hmmmmm, I’d like to think not. In the same way that I don’t want to hear that I poisoned my children by using plastic baby bottles, I’d really prefer not to believe that I’m stunting their social growth by not scheduling multiple, one-on-one playdates each week.
If the article is right, though, they’re pretty much guaranteed to blame me for everything at some point in their lives, so this is great fodder for future therapy sessions.
Why is that they “so called” experts always want to make us feel like we are not parenting the way we should. I am lucky if I fit in a play date every week in a 1/2 or so. He get’s interaction through other organized activities (MDO during the school year, some play dates, Sunday school, & community organized activities) and lots of time with mom and dad (who both work from home). My 2yo appears to be progressing nicely and is always courteous and polite. Others, not so much. I had an incident just yesterday with a playground bully where the parent did absolutely nothing. Pushing, hitting, and picking on my 2yo (he was 5). Then telling me “NO & spitting” when I tried to get my child out of harms way. What did my child learn? That hitting to make your self feel better is Okay. The same happens during play dates at my own home with people and children I know. Well thanks but no thanks. I will continue with my path of raising a socially conscious child thank you and scheduling play dates as needed for his interaction.
Kate - I agree with you. There is just not enough time in a day to do everything “experts” say we should. If I remember to give my oldest (19 months) his vitamin MOST days of the week, I consider it a success. Play dates are just not feasible. Perhaps when the kids are older, say 3 or 4 years old, but not now.
Beckos last blog post..Twitter in PR
I think that sometimes magazines just need to fill their pages so they can sell ads, KWIM? All these “supposed-to-do’s”…..not good if they make us feel like we’re not good enough. Social interaction –isn’t that what siblings are for - built-in playdates with no scheduling needed?
Kate, something tells me your kids are just fine w/you as their mom.
Andreas last blog post..Social Dynamics and Learning: Online and Off
One of the best parts of my day is getting to be with my son in the evenings. Ditto on the weekends. If I’m scheduling playdates for him during those times, when do I get to play with him? Nope, he gets plenty of play time with other kids at daycare, thank you very much. Yet another parenting thing I’m doing “wrong” that I’m fine with :).
As my wife (staying at home) and I had baby 3, we kind of ran out of patience with expert advice. Playdates, when you are stay at home parenting, are not some sort of medicinal dose of social interaction for the kids, they are a sanity-saving thing (for the parent) to do because sitting at home all day with no plan is a recipe for disaster. But if you are working away from home and the kids are in daycare/preschool, I can’t see why you’d need to have playdates. Experts and hyperparents spend too much time trying to train and condition their children instead of living by example and just reassuring the kids they are loved.
Daves last blog post..New Time Religion
I gave up on those parenting magazines a long time ago, except for one. You’ll never find that crap in Mothering Magazine. My 5 and almost 3 yr old play with friends their age on an average of once a week. Granted, I have a lot of children in my house (six) ages 14, 11, 7, 5, almost 3 and 6mos - I think it’s odd to imagine that pre-schoolers would be teaching each other positive social skills. I think a better suggestion would be that they interact with children of all ages regularly and don’t spend too much time with kids their own age. But that’s just me.
Lisa Russell has 6 daughterss last blog post..My 9-5 job
Hi,
I was just searching the internet because I feel bad that my kids have not had a playdate all this week. It is the last week before school starts and I just feel exhausted. I have 3 kids, ages 10, 5 and 3. All different age groups wanting different things and pulling you in all different directions. But the Mommy guilt sets in anyway. We did go to the town pool yesterday and they did interact one on one with kids there. When school starts the playdates seem even more scarce for my 10 yr. old because all his friends are in 3 or 4 different activities. So if you are not in those activities, you don’t see these kids on playdates. I also live in Hudson Valley, NY. About 20 minutes from Manhattan, I guess I am a weirdo too since I am not in a rural area. I am in a suburb. Just had to vent a little!!