Sherry Carr Deer is a Mommy to Nicholas who just turned 3, fiance to William, the widow of Mark, and a PR professional at a non-profit hospital. You can read more of her posts here.  

Before we were even pregnant with our son, my late husband and I talked about manners and how we would teach them to any children we had. One of my pet peeves is rude people. There is just no reason for it, and it bugs me to no end.

After Mark died, I had many occasions when I wondered if he didn’t know that he wouldn’t be here to help raise Nicholas. One of those occasions was a list Mark made of things he wanted Nicholas to know or do or love. One of those items was to be respectful of people and have good manners (we both thought that was the point of having good manners, to show people you respect them).

So, I’ve been noticing lately that the manners are starting to kick in with Nicholas. He’s been saying, “Please” and “Thank You” for a while now after William and I have asked him to. But, now I’ve been seeing him making the connection. When someone does something for Nicholas, or he needs something, he says thank you and asks nicely. After his 3rd birthday party a few weeks ago, after he opened his gifts, he shouted, “Thank you for my presents and for coming to my party!” We are having to tell him, though, that just because he asks nicely for things, doesn’t mean he’ll get them.

Nicholas recently started daycare after having been with a Nanny his first year and his grandparents his second year. The staff at the daycare comments on not only what a nice boy he is, but also how polite he is. He’s aware of the need to share (even if he doesn’t want to), and is appreciative of people (as much as a 3 year old is).

Yes, it’s a point of pride for me that my son is well mannered. But it’s also a lot of work. We were talking at work the other day about some family visiting a coworker. She was bothered by having to tell her nephew to greet his grandmother when she walked in the house and having to tell him to help his grandmother to the car. We all talked about the constant vigilance it takes to make sure that your child is aware of the many ways you are polite and respectful to people. My co-workers with teenagers talked about how, often, those manner don’t show up as consistantly at home, but that they are told how good their children are by other people. There could be worse things people could say about your kids!

Last night when I gave Nicholas his vitamin, he looked at me with his sweet smile and said, “Mommy, thank you for buying me Scooby Doo bone vitamins.” I will have to remember these sweet manners when he’s a teenager who is a jerk at home, but well-mannered toward other people.

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Tags: manners, please, scooby doo, Sherry Carr Deer, thank you