I like words. I like reading them, I like writing them, I’m bothered by people who don’t want to use them. One of my favorite quotes is from Mark Twain, “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightening and a lightening bug.” I think words can be a powerful tool and weapon. I try to be careful with my words.

My son likes to talk. He’s been verbal from the moment he was born and, geez, is he a talker. He identifies when he’s said something cute, and will often point it out to me. The other day he said something funny in the car, and before we could laugh, he said, “That was cute, right?” Nicholas is starting to understand the power of words.

Our next challenge is to teach him how much words can hurt. The other night, my fiance was giving Nicholas a bath and N wasn’t behaving very well. When William got after him, Nicholas used the big hammer, “Daddy, I don’t love you.” Yes, I know that kids say that stuff; but, Nicholas had never used it before, and his and William’s relationship is just new enough, that it really hurt William. So, the three of us sat down and talked about how words can hurt just as much as hitting or biting or falling down. Later that night, William and I had a conversation about N not fully understanding what his words mean yet.

William and I have also had conversations about talking with N about his Daddy Mark. I talk about his Daddy Mark whenever it makes sense (”Your Daddy Mark liked this song.” “Your Daddy Mark’s favorite veggie was asparagus”), and I try to talk about him every day. William is worried that Nicholas may have a tendancy to put Mark on a pedastal and that William will never be as “good” a Dad as Mark in N’s eyes. He’s very worried about the day when Nicholas says, “You’re not my real Dad!”

I’m worried about that day too. Because words hurt. But I also reminded William that kids, teenagers especially, will use whatever amunition they have against their parents, and I’m sure he will use that one against William. Just as I’m equally sure that my sweet, loving, beatuiful son will one day say the words, “I wish you weren’t my Mother!” And man, those words will hurt. 

Sherry Carr Deer is Mommy to Nicholas who just turned 3, fiance to William, widow of Mark, and a PR professional at a non-profit hospital. You can read more of her posts here.