There is a time of each day that I absolutely dread.
Not the 6 a.m. wake-up calls from our nearly two-year-old daughter. Not the five minutes I’m scrambling before a lunch meeting to gather my notes. Not even the hectic time of preparing dinner for two rowdy and hungry children.
No the time I dread in each day is bedtime! What is it about children and not wanting to go to bed? When I’ve had a full day (and trust me those are plentiful right now) I’m ready to collapse into my cool sheets, snuggle up with my pillow and check out from the world.
Our three-year-old, however, is happy as a lark to stay up later and later each night. Bedtime used to be wrapped up by 8:30. Now we find ourselves still fighting with her to get into bed at 9:30. How did this happen I ask myself? And I don’t have an answer. Except I was tired of the nightly argument of “but Mommy it’s still light outside.” So this summer, bedtime has been extended. Ideally, though, they would be in their beds and asleep by 9 p.m. – thereby giving my husband and me a couple precious hours of alone time a night. But no such luck.
When my children stayed with my parents last week for four nights, my mother tells me in a I-don’t-know-what-you’re-doing-wrong voice, “I have no trouble getting them to bed. There’s no crying.”
So is it manipulation on Belle’s part? She knows that if she continues to fight with Mommy and Daddy that she won’t have to go to sleep?
And before you ask… yes, we have a bedtime routine. Have always had a bedtime routine. We do bath time. I allow them to play in the tub. We dry our hair, brush our teeth and then put on their pjs. And then we have storytime – with no fewer than three stories read nightly. But even then, she starts asking for one more book. We put her younger sister to bed, sing her a song, say her prayers and then return to her room. And that’s when the tantrums begin.
We try to rationalize with her (which is an oxymoron unto itself.) We try to console her. Bribe her. “I’ll give you two coins in the morning is you stay in bed and go to sleep.” We resort to spanking and then threatening her with taking away her most valued possession: her toy Tiger from Kung Fu Panda. And sometimes that works and sometimes the tantrums escalate.
I’ve read many, many books about raising children – including the Supernanny book, How to Get the Best from Your Children. And frankly, I’m doing everything she suggests in her book. I’m out of ideas and nearly desperate enough to call on the Supernanny herself to visit the heart of the Mountain State to see if she can tame this unruly three-year-old.
I welcome your suggestions and/or sympathies.
Rachelle Beckner is a thirty-something mother of two beautiful, rambunctious girls, ages 3 and 21 months. She lives, works and plays in Charleston, WV, the capital city of the Mountain State, with her husband of four years. Rachelle enjoys social networking through Twitter and Facebook, dabbling in online and viral marketing, and volunteering in a grass-roots organization called Generation Charleston, which has the goal of improving life in the Capitol City for the next generation. Her online presence also extends to two blogs — the most recent of which is Mountain State Motherhood.
I think of the Supernanny every night as my son is laying there with eyes wide open and I’m trying to get further and further away from his bed without him flipping out on me. You’ve got my sympathy…even if I have no advice!
Also? My son does the same thing, goes down easily and without a peep for other people. I like to pretend he just loves my company so much that he can’t stand the thought of sleeping any of our time away. That could be it, right? Not just manipulation?
Rachelle,
yes, yes, yes! i hate bed tme too. i do the same as you… the routine, the book reading, the daily review, the prayers… and these are ok with me. i like the time spent together. it’s cozy and sweet and nice. but inevitably it gets ugly when i try to get out the door. the whining, the tears, the need for water etc etc comes out like a floodgate. at that point i am out of patience and i’ve given all i’ve got. for some reason jeff is able to dump them in to bed at 4 minutes a piece and call it a night. my solution? jeff almost always puts them to bed!
Well, I’m happy to hear that I’m not the only one who suffers the bedtime drama. Thank you Sherry for sharing and for the sympathy! I like that philosophy that they just can’t stand to be away from you and so they throw fits!
And thank you, Anna, for the suggestion that Andrew put them to bed. Unfortunately, he has the same problem. In fact, it’s often worse with him and I have to come up and intervene.
I wish there was an easy answer. I just feel better knowing that other moms struggle with bedtime too. I don’t feel like a terrible Mommy who’s unable to control her children. An aquaintenance and fellow mommy recently told me during the school year her children are in bed by 7:30. I thought, Wow! And she doesn’t threaten to throw away toys, she lines up 10 of their favorite toys and asks them which one she’s throwing away. I don’t think I could ever pull off 7:30 — especially during the summer. Heck, we’re eating dinner at 7 p.m. some nights.
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maybe this is just how she is adjusting to having a new sister. im sure if you just stick to your guns she will eventually come around. good luck!
I’ve got a couple of things that have worked in the past for my 8 year old. I say past, because now we have reached the all too cool age of 8 and the new phrase “but my friends get too stay up late and it’s summer!”
Anyway back to the past, several years ago I found the “Floppy Sleep Game” book by Patti Teal. http://www.pattiteel.com/floppysleepgamebook.htm
It is great for young children to get relaxed and want to fall asleep, but you do have to stick to the program. She combines yoga, deep breathing, and calming music into a bedtime game. Sounds very new agey, but it worked! Heck, I was practically zonked by the time each “game” was done. Each game lasts just a few minutes (about the length of a song).
Something that works for us now, more or less, is Handipoints. This might be a little too old for her yet, but it works great with the 8 year old. It is http://www.handipoints.com and I heard about it at this year’s NECC conference. It allows kids to save points from good deeds (read going to be on time) and they earn prizes (allowance, toys, choice of dinner, special play date, whatever you want). Again, might be a bit too abstract still, but you may want to hold on to it for later! Good luck!
Rachelle,
What you describe sounds all too familiar. I wish I could have been as lucky as Anna to be able to get my husband to take over the duty; but, he didn’t exactly jump at the opportunity and our daughter wouldn’t really give it to him. Apparently no one but me can do all the routines correctly.
We’ve been through all the same scenarios you mention with our daughter and the best encouragement I have for you is that it’s slightly better now at 5 years than it was at 3-4 years, so hang in there.
That’s not to say my girl doesn’t still resist and look for about any excuse to avoid going to bed, but it does seem like fewer evenings end in yelling and tears. Still as we prepare to start kindergarten in a few weeks and plan to embark on an earlier bedtime … I’m going to give that Handipoints site a try - thanks for sharing Christine!
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