After my first official day of work at my new job, I picked up my 8 year old from his first day of school. He attends an after school childcare program on site, and there were new forms and procedures to go over, so it wasn’t exactly the “Hallmark moment” that it should have been. (I did make a mental note to thank my husband for following through on the agreed-upon attire, as I glanced at his favorite new shirt and shorts, white socks and and gleaming white tennis shoes.)
I gave him a quick squeeze and we headed out the door. As we crossed the parking lot to the van, I said, “So? Tell me all about it! How was your first day, buddy?”
“It was the worst day of my life. I don’t want to talk about it.”
Well. There’s a reply that you just don’t want to hear on the first day of school. Now, granted, my son DOES take a while to “warm up” to new teachers. Every year, from kindergarten through first and second grades, he has NOT liked his teacher until some time after the second or third week. I guess he just takes a while to figure them out, but it’s smooth sailing after that. So, as we separated to get into our respective sides of our minivan, I took a deep breath and braced myself for the disappointment.
“What happened?” (I’d forgotten how hard it is to hug your child across the van console, Rather unsatisfying.)
“Well, first of all, [the after school program that's just been taken over by our park district] is really dumb and boring. There’s nothing to do! And no one would play with me. Jeffrey and Sebastian just wanted to play with the LEGOs the whole time, and we didn’t even get to go outside to the playground!”
“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry. That’s tough ~ when your friends want to do something that you don’t want to do. What did you do in your classroom today?”
“Mostly just practiced taking out and putting away our new supplies. I don’t understand why we had to do that, since we took all of our supplies up to school and put them all away the other night!” (Well, frankly, neither do I… and that DOES sound rather boring.)
“Did your teacher read you a story today?” (No.)
“Did you go to music class? I think the schedule said you have music on Thursdays.” (Really stretching to find something positive now…)
“Yes, but we didn’t do any music today. They just talked about rules.” (Wow. In music class? How many rules can there be? Surely not 40 minutes worth!)
“Hm. I’m sorry, honey. I hoped you’d had a great day. I thought about you all day.”
“Yeah. It was awful. And even at lunch recess, not one would play with me. I was playing with William and Angel, but then they decided to go play with Nathan. Yuck! So I was bored, even then.”
“Well, why don’t you grab a snack and go pet Cooper for a little while. Maybe you’ll feel better in a little bit. I think Alex might be up for playing some computer games with you before dinner. OK?”
I was having a hard time figuring out how to deal with this, honestly. As a teacher, I work really hard to make each child know that I’m glad they are in my class, that I care about them, and that we’re going to have a lot of fun learning together. And while I recognize the need for some structure and high expectations, I don’t waste time on the first day going over these things. I model the behaviors as they come up throughout the year. I’d much rather spend the first day getting to know my students and letting them get a glimpse of who I am. Still, we are all different. Every teacher approaches these things differently. And, wearing the two hats of parent and teacher means that you consider carefully - much more carefully - whether each problem is worthy of contacting the teacher. It is SO easy to take the wrong path and become over-involved in your child’s school experience too early, putting a perfectly good teacher on the defense and ruining the potential for a perfectly good relationship for the rest of the year.
But… “the worst day of my life”? On the first day of school? I wanted to cry.
Later, as the boys settled into a brotherly bonding over a good game of “Age of Mythology,” I gave my oldest an appreciative shoulder-pat. He returned a knowing smile. I gave my youngest a quick shoulder-squeeze and as my cheek brushed his, the heat was alarming.
I put my hand on his forehead and said, “Honey, you’re burning up!” He turned toward me, and I caught the tell-tale flush and slightly duller eyes. I took out the ear thermometer. Seconds later, the numbers told the story ~ 101.6° F.
So, on my second day of my new job, I took a sick day. (Wow, way to start the year off with first impressions!)
Yet, I hope that the sacrifice of an extra day at home makes him less susceptible to the viruses next week. More importantly, I hope that the fact that he was feeling poorly had a distinct effect on his ability to assess the worthiness of his first day. But mostly, I hope that when he returns to school, he’ll have a warm and caring welcome back, and that his next days in third grade will not be quite so horrendous in his mind.
I’m so torn over this. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Image: http://wordle.net/
Kymberli Mulford is the proud mom of a grade-schooler and high-schooler in the Chicago suburbs, and the proud grandmother of her now-grown stepson’s four children. When she’s not shuttling her sons from one activity to another, she works in the world of educational technology – now as an “Engaged Learning Speciliast,” and previously as a Technology Coordinator for a special education co-op, as a learning facilitator in a large district that implemented a one-to-one laptop initiative for all students in grades 3-6, as a consultant and presenter, and most recently as a blogger at Onionskin. For more of Kymberli’s “mom” posts click here!
So sorry that your son had a rough first day. I know that is hard for a mom. Hopefully, when he goes back to school feeling better, he will have a better day. I am not a mom, but as a teacher, I have always felt like one of my main goals on the first day of school is to build rapport and help kids know that it is going to be an exciting year of learning. I want them to be thrilled to return the next day. Attitude makes a big difference. I’m hoping that the teacher and his friends really did have his best interest in mind, but he just couldn’t see it because he just didn’t feel very well. Hopefully, he will go to school on Monday with great expectations and not be disappointed. Keep us posted.
Marthas last blog post..Creating with Animoto
It is always a precarious situation with your children when you are a teacher I think. When my older kids were in elementary school I taught at their school. That was fortunate as were allowed some leeway in teachers that most didn’t have. That said, there was always an awkward level between “Oh, I don’t think your teacher did that or said that.” and “I’m going to go give them what little piece of my mind I have left.”
As for my own classroom, I always talked about a few classroom basics and about respect for one another and then went on. One of the best things I ever did is when I started using a digital camera to take their pictures the first day of school. I would set up a little studio just outside the door. This gave me a few moments alone with each student that first day. It helped build a comfort level with the kids. Plus it was so fun to look at those pictures at the end of the year. (Year-round so there was 11 months of growth) It was amazing to see how much they changed in that time.
Now that my kids are older, (youngest in 8th grade) our interactions with teachers are pretty minimal which is sad. However, I now work with their schools doing trainings a few times a year, so I can still kind of keep track of what’s going on.
It is difficult when our kids have troubling times at school particularly on the first day. We were pretty fortunate, our kids have always had a pretty good feeling about school.
When my son started at school he had the most unlikely Prep teacher; she wasn’t warm, friendly or welcoming at all. All the children could read above their age level by the end of term but they hated going to school. We put so much time and effort into preparing for his first big day and then he got chicken pox!!! He started 2 days later than the others and they called him the new boy all term. My point is that he bounced back and survived it all. He will finish Year 12 in a few months time.
Julies last blog post..Blogs are learning gems… (Sue, I hope you’re reading this!)
Being a teacher and a mommy is never easy; especially when you are an accomplished teacher. It sounds like you handled the situation well–being supportive of the teacher and your son without sowing the seeds of doubt about the teacher’s practice. Well juggled there. I bet that being sick contributed to how the first day went and felt. Sometimes when my son doesn’t feel well, his attitudes and emotions follow…maybe that was it. As a high school teacher, I want to start building community the first day of school. Students do a quick sentence completions survey and write me letters and I write back them that very first day–all 171 of them. In class we try to begin getting to know each other and getting to know the class (syllabus, etc). When I read about the 40 minute rule review even in music class I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe the administration set a standard for all of the teachers to review rules the first day. Unfortunate but possible… I hope things are looking up for him next week.
Lee Ann Spillanes last blog post..Rain Rain Rain
Kay-
I really do hate to sound simplistic, but I know what happens to me when I’m ill. It changes everything for the worse. Besides being a cautious ‘warmer-upper’, I’ll bet it was the fever and what was causing it colored his whole attitude.
-Skip
Skip Zalneraitiss last blog post..Blog entry? What blog entry?
I hope after the first couple of weeks your son, teacher, and classmates will have settled into a routine and your son ends up with a good year. I wonder if it’s even tougher on teachers to watch their child struggle with liking school or a teacher. My daughter hated her freshmen year of high school. It stemmed from one teacher in particular but it carried over to everything. I felt stressed all year for her. Luckily she had a great group of teachers her sophomore year. Now, she’s anxiously awaiting her schedule for this year. I’m hoping for another positive year!
Nedras last blog post..Eager Joiner
I’m sorry your son had such a tough first day. I certainly hope that his year gets better.
I agree that a full day of procedures training is ridiculous, Especially in an elementary classroom where students are with the same teacher throughout most of the day. I teach middle school and dread the amount of time I will need to spend with each of my three classes going over procedures. I think it’s important to get started on the curriculum the first day to demonstrate for the students that learning is the primary focus of the class.
That does sound like a rough start, but glad (although, that’s not really the right way to put it) that there might be an underlying cause with the fever that will improve.
We had a bit of a reverse issue with our first day of kindergarten this week - when I picked her up from after school at the same place she’s been in preschool for five years, everything was great. She liked her new school, her new teacher, loved riding the bus to after-school. More great reports came during dinner and on the phone with grandma, with the only complaint surfacing being about how loud the cafeteria was when everyone was talking and banging their lunch boxes.
Then, as I was tucking her in, all of the sudden … “I don’t want to go to school tomorrow! I don’t like school!” What? Where did this come from? All I could get from her other than the cafeteria noise issue was that apparently some kids were not listening to the teacher and cafeteria time got cut short as they all had to return to the classroom.
Ah ha. That’s something I’ve heard before. We had the same issue with preschool for a time. She knows the classroom rules and how to behave and gets really upset when the entire class suffers because some of the other kids don’t behave. It’s a tough live lesson in how things just aren’t always fair.
Still, I called my mother for that teacher/parent input on what I should do. She said that the different levels of social skills in kindergarten will be tough, but on the bright side, my girl may just be one to fight against injustice in the world one day. It’s great to have a resource for that teacher/parent insight that you have by experience, Kay. She suggested I give it a week for the class to settle into routine and the teacher to get to know my daughter on her own - then, schedule some time with her to get to know her and approach it from the angle of asking her what I can do to help my girl get the most out of this year.
After all, I was excited that we got this teacher because she has 26 years of experience, so I should be open to learning from it, too!