My three-year-old has been really hung up on monsters lately. I believe it started with the Halloween skeleton hanging in the garage. He saw it a few weeks ago and then he started asking me about monsters all day long and every night before bed - asking me if monsters exist, why was there a monster in our garage, do monsters eat children, were monsters going to get him?

Of course I said no. No, no - monsters do not exist. You are safe. Mommy would never let anything bad happen to you.

But I lied.

Monsters do exist, as is evident in every day news. This last week alone, our oceanside town was the host for alleged child rape and vehicular homicide. Last summer a string of burglaries had us all locking our windows and doors a little more often. Monsters break into homes and do horrible things as they did in this seemingly-safe Connecticut town last year. (A story I personally can’t forget; it haunts me.)

So how do I look at my three-year-old’s beautiful and innocent face and not lie - he should not yet know such horrors - but how do I teach him to be safe at the same time? And when do you stop lying? Do you teach them that monsters do exist? If so, when - and how?

We teach our children to not talk to strangers but then many of us prance them to the local mall once a year and plop them on some stranger’s lap, letting them take candy and share their biggest wishes. We tell them that they should never take direction from an adult stranger yet we send them off to classes and school without always taking the appropriate time to introduce them to their teachers, school bus drivers and other influencing adults. We hand them over to virtual strangers who come and go in their lives - and who, no matter how much we check, can be unpredictable and sometimes turn dangerous.

How do you handle teaching your children to be safe but not scared, bold but not disrespectful? I want my sons to speak up and push back if someone ever makes them uncomfortable - but teaching them the boundaries about when, where, how and to whom to push back on is a challenge.

I hate seeing my sons get older and the beautiful veil of trusting innocence slowly lifted to reveal so much ugliness in the world. It’s heartbreaking sometimes as they ask me questions about some of the less-pleasant things they begin to learn in life. Why did that man have to die mommy? Does it hurt to die? What is prison? Who goes there? Will I ever meet a bad man? No one would ever want to hurt me, right Mommy?

For now, I do lie to keep them innocent a little longer. But as they grow, I realize I have to accept that they are going to find out about the monsters in life. And it’s up to me (and others who love them) to help teach them how to avoid those monsters when necessary but not obsessively worry over them. Unlike the skeleton hanging in the garage, real life monsters are not so easily explained away.

Addendum 8/31/20008: A perfect example of this challenge - last night we were at a beach BBQ with several other families. As with any event where there are a lot of children, it was loud, slightly chaotic and full of nonstop activity. As darkness fell, we handed the children glow sticks so they’d still be easy to see. Suddenly, my husband and I realized our six-year-old had strayed from the group and was up by the seawall. He was talking to some man sitting and  having a cigarette. When we pulled our son back to the party and reiterated how he is not supposed to talk to strangers, he said “But Mommy, I thought he was with the party.” Case in point - we had just introduced the poor kid to a ton of new people and it was hard for him to discern that this person so close to our group wasn’t actually part of the group. Another example of the challenge in helping them to learn when it’s okay to talk to someone and when it isn’t.

Christine Perkett is a busy mom of two active boys, ages 3 and 6. As a working mother, Christine spends every day trying to maintain balance between her passion for family and motherhood, and her drive to run a successful business - she is the President and Founder of PerkettPR.

Christine also blogs at PerkettPRsuasion, WomenforHire Training4Dublin and My Not So Personal Life. She is currently featured in the New York Times bestseller, “Will Work From Home“  and often speaks on social media, PR and business. Connect with Christine on Linkedin, Facebook, or Twitter - or just about any social network under “missusP.”

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