“Mama, don’t let your sons grow up to be cowboys!” So advises the country song - which may be good advice, or it may not.
As parents, we should put up barriers to “careers” that are harmful or illegal. But as for the wide variety of trades and careers that our children may be uniquely gifted for, and inclined to, we should not erect artificial fences.
The world needs good cowboys. And plumbers. And electricians. And shepherds. And mechanics. People good with their hands.
If your son shows strong interest in fixing cars, and has limited academic drive and ability, why in the world would you push him to become a lawyer? We need great mechanics, and his gifts and inclinations are already showing you a potential career path.
If your daughter gravitates toward making beautiful floral arrangements, why should she be guilt-tripped into being a business executive? Is there not an ongoing need for all sorts of gifted designers?
The fact is, we’ll always need people who are good with their hands. And even the greatest and wealthiest among us recognize that, when you find a capable and reliable craftsman, tradesman, or laborer, they are gold. These folks have tremendous earning power and job security, because there are so many shoddy and unscrupulous workers in the marketplace. People who are skilled in their work, and prove themselves over time, are almost always in demand. Compare that to the job insecurity of many in white-collar careers, and you begin to see that it is not a step down to learn and ply a trade.
I have five sons. It has always been my perspective not to pre-determine their academic and professional careers, but to carefully evaluate their wired-in gifts and budding interests, and seek to move them in that direction, even if it is quite different from the course my wife or I took as young adults. And, sure enough, we’re having some surprises. As you will with your children.
If you have children that are good with their hands, and you worry about whether they will go to college and launch into some high-profile information-driven career, remember - this is not about you and your reputation. Most people throughout history learned trades that were passed down through generations, and many still do. You can be immensely proud of a son or daughter who works with his/her hands, and who is skilled in the tangible arts. Make it your goal that if your mantel has smiling pictures of a fireman, a professor, a pet shop owner, and an architect, that you will be equally proud of each one.
Don’t rob your child of fulfillment in pursuing a direction that “fits” with her gifts, and don’t rob the rest of us of his abilities as we plan, build, landscape, and repair. Frankly, we don’t need a whole lot more lawyers, executives, and investment bankers. We will always need capable cabinet-makers, graphic designers, tailors, and - yes - devoted mothers who work part-time out of the home. These less-glamorous spheres of labor, using active minds and active hands, are where tremendously valuable work gets done.
Steve, this is an excellent post with a perspective that is often lost. One of my pet peeves is the often elitist attitude that assumes the only career path is through the ivy leagued halls of academia. The US education system fails to embrace those children whose gifts and talents may lead them to the skilled trades. We equip children for more education not a career. Yes, I went to college because it was my choice and my gift, but like you I believe that if we listen children will reveal their own innate talents and career predilections.
Thanks for sharing this Steve.
My parents have worked hard in order to provide me with better opportunities. Part of that sometimes come with conforming to expectations about what “better” means.
Now, I’m busting my butt and working hard, because I want to provide my child with the freedom to choose what he loves to do, and have the skills to either make what he loves part of his core career, or have the means to sustain himself and still do what he loves.
Who says we can’t change the world in one generation? We parents do that every single day, by parenting.
Good thing . . . my son, who has two lawyers for parents, has already adamantly announced at 9 that he will NOT be a lawyer. And my daughter, at 6, has announced that she will be a princess racecar driver. Does that qualify as good with one’s hands?
I benefited greatly from my college education, even if it was liberal arts and not career-oriented. That experience suited my abilities and directions at that stage in my life. Hopefully kids at age 6 and 9 will have plenty of time to re-think dreams of driving race cars! My hope is that we’ll encourage our kids to achieve all that they can, without force-feeding them a direction that does not really fit their abilities.
Think of how much healthier our children would be if at the end of their workday they actually had a tangible, solid, “thing” they had completed rather than a endless list of tasks that never gets smaller and in-boxes that never get emptied!
Okay, maybe I’m projecting how much healthier I’d be if that was the case…
Thanks for reminding all of us that our goal as parents is to give our children the opportunity, the environment and the room to thrive and be happy- wherever that journey takes them.
Steve: This is a particularly relevant message this time of year, as the first question every high school senior is asked right about now is the persistent, “So where are you going to school?” At least, that’s how it is in our town, where the competition among kids (and their parents) is fierce!
My own son, a high school junior, is an artist. And while he says he wants to go to college in another year, I honestly don’t know whether he will or not. Some days, I see him going to welding or woodworking school, and being happy as a clam with that choice.
And that “happy as a clam” part is the goal, in my mind!
Oh — and welcome to the blog here! Happy to have you!
Steve, I concur with your underlying point that each person should have the freedom to do what they love for a living. For me, however, college isn’t about whether my child will be blue collar, white collar, or rainbow collar.
In college I learned that I have interests and abilities that I had never before discovered, and met dear friends I’ve been close to for decades. College is a place of exploration and exposure, and usually introduces us to new perspectives and ways of thinking. For many, college is when they first get an inkling of just how big the world is. And frankly, most of our brains just aren’t ready to understand that in high school.
But it’s more than that. How many occupations do you think your child is going to have before they retire. We can nearly guarantee at this point that it won’t be just one.
So please, even if your child has some incredible natural talent for something that doesn’t require college to pursue, don’t deprive them of the college experience just because they have an easier option. With most everyone expected to have 7-10 occupations during their lifetime, preparation for just one job is unlikely to be enough anyhow.