Sometimes, after your spouse or partner has died, it seems like there is one holiday after another. Like you’ll never get a break. That’s how the spring and summer are for my family, full of birthdays and holidays; but, Mother’s Day can be a particularly hard day to get through. Or it can be great.

Your First Mother’s Day

Your first Mother’s Day, you know, “after”, can be really difficult to get through. Our son, Nicholas, is a June baby, so I was just about 36 weeks pregnant when Mother’s Day hit for what turned out to be mine and Mark’s only Mother’s Day. Because he was that kind of guy, I got a card that year, and it was sweet and wonderful and perfect for an almost-there-Mom who felt huge and was getting more and more excited and nervous about the baby coming.

It wasn’t until my first Mother’s Day after Mark died that I realized just how important Dads are to the holiday, particularly when a child is an infant or too young to do something on their own for Mom. I hadn’t had a father in my life since my own had left when I was 11 and my older siblings had made sure we did something for our mom, so I just didn’t know the importance of a Dad!

I can clearly remember how very sad I was for a good week before the holiday hit. I did everything I was supposed to do (I was still on auto pilot at the time), I got cards for N’s grandmothers from him and made a note to remember to call my mother. Then I started to panic because it suddenly hit me that unless a Dad or someone else takes the initiative, Moms don’t get much when a child is a baby. I had completely underestimated my in-laws, however. They did a project with almost-1-year-old Nicholas, imprinting his hand in putty and putting it in a frame with a picture of the two of us.

I was saved from a forgotten Mother’s Day, and I’m really glad because I know I would have been devastated. It would have been yet another reminder that I was a Mommy without the Daddy who was supposed to be there to sign N’s name on a card, to do goofy craft projects with him, to make me breakfast. I was in no shape to handle that first Mother’s Day without a little something. If, with the little something, it was hard, it would have been impossible without it.

Your Second Mother’s Day

Well, it’s not that much better, but you’re more prepared. I’m sure I’m totally Captain Obvious on that one, but that’s what it all boils down to. If you’re lucky, you’ll have someone who can help your child celebrate Mother’s Day. If not, then you have had a year to prepare for it, and maybe it won’t be so bad.

Making New Traditions and Continuing the Old

I think Mother’s Day is a great holiday to start some new traditions. Maybe you and your children can take a bouquet of flowers to an area hospital and ask the nurses in labor and delivery to give it to a new Mom who really needs it. Or you can use Mother’s Day as a time to share lots of family stories, everything from memories of your own mother to the day you became a mother. Of course, I encourage the breakfast in bed, never getting out of your pajamas kind of tradition.

If you feel that the best way to celebrate Mother’s Day for your family is to keep the traditions that you had when your spouse or partner was alive, then do that. Don’t feel as if you have to change everything because that person isn’t there, especially if your kids love those traditions too.

Don’t Celebrate

There is no law that says you have to celebrate Mother’s Day. There is also no law that says you have to celebrate it every year. Maybe it’s never been a holiday you enjoyed and if that’s the case, you’re in the clear. If it’s a more difficult year for some reason, skip the holiday this year. Or, you could do like I did last year, and completely forget it is coming because you are  busy, and it passes without much thought (except for the guilty call you make to your mom hoping she doesn’t notice you are calling at 11:30 p.m. to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day).

Remember, you are the boss of you, and you can celebrate your day any way you’d like.

Sherry Carr-Deer is Mom to almost 4-year-old Nicholas, wife to William and widow of Mark. She is a public relations counselor with a not-for-profit healthcare system where she sees a lot of Moms who have it a lot worse than she ever did. You can connect with Sherry on Twitter @prCarrD. This post is a cross-post from www.tyepamom.net