None of us do. I can’t think about it. Literally. This is going to be the world’s shortest post because I can’t stand the topic.
But, here we are literally pummeled with news of Michael Jackson’s death and the news that he left his kids to his mother, with Diana Ross as the backup. And I got reminded that we (not the world, but my wife and I) still haven’t dealt with this issue at all.
I don’t want to leave my kids ‘to’ anyone. They aren’t antique dishes. I can’t think of anyone that could do it right like we could. It kills me. Every time we try to talk about it, I end up in tears. And I’m not a crier.
Thinking about Madonna helps, and Rosie O’Donnell - because they’re okay (says someone who has NO earthly idea, but they seem to be doing well).
I always thought it would be my mom - and it still probably is, but she’s here with us for the summer and she’s 66 and she’s vocalized her overwhelment more than once. It’s their energy and the whining and the nakedness and the peeing outside (um, lady, you’re the one that bought them that cute little french book about a little boy that pees in the grass) and the food allergies and the laundry and the…
I can think of some friends who fit the bill - but they have busloads of their own kids. My brothers? Nah. My in-laws? No thanks.
I hate this. Just thought I’d say that out loud.
So? I just won’t die - until they’re old enough not to need their mother anymore - which is about 35 as far as I can tell. I’ll be 68. Seems reasonable. Okay universe???
If anyone wants to leaves me a comment saying that I have to just choose and be responsible, please don’t. I know. I really, really do. I just don’t wanna leave my kids, like I said before, period. They’re cute, they smell good and they say things like, “Please bring me a book and close the door, I need to poop in my own privacy.”
And I love them more than the world.
Update: The first friend that read this reamed me out so hard on Skype that I thought my computer would burst. We’re picking a guardian, the lawyer is drawing up the papers. As this ‘friend’ said - ‘just hold your nose and pick someone.’ Well, if you put it that way…
Don’t wanna leave my kids. Period. - [link to post]
(I just can’t shut up today)
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I totally get this. My son is 15, and I STILL haven’t dealt with it!
I am exactly with you. I have not picked because I can’t. Can’t think of it. Can’t fathom it. But we will get this done this summer, because not picking is worse - as you said you know.
But there is no one I’ll be happy to put down on that paper!
@writingroads Ditto.
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Oh, how I wish I could say it gets easier. But my “baby” is 16 and even though he’s nearly an adult, I *still* can’t bring myself to think about it.
I totally relate to your ‘antique dishes’ analogy but had to create a living will for an overseas trip a couple years ago. I’m fortunate enough to know people close to me who truly love my son, and the living will (done in haste using a library book and a Web site) outlines a plan for him to be cared for by these people (my three amazing siblings) with contingencies built in.
In a way, it’s a relief to just have it done and not have it looming over me. But I continue to pray I will NEVER have to use it.
Can U leave them to Madonna? jk
I’m so with you on this. Wish I could say we have picked someone (our daughter is 6). We’ve tried, we’ve debated. And not only do I really not want to face the concept, if we pick someone, will other family and/or friends be insulted because they weren’t selected?
Ugh. I know. Terrible topic. (But good post, Julie!)
My own experience: We picked a couple we could live with. Then they got divorced, and it suddenly wasn’t as good an option any more, the way things unfolded. Now I just look both ways when I cross the street…. My oldest is 17 1/2, and I figure I have only six more months until, theoretically, he can be the legal guardian of his younger sister. (Oh lord… even *writing that* makes me cringe….)
Brangelina? I’m sure my kids would fit right in. This post is a good reminder for those of us who may need to update legal arrangements due to situation changes (you know, now that Jon and Kate are separating).
This was one of the harder decisions I had to make after my first husband died, but the thought of our son spending a minute in “the system” if I died too, was too much to think of. So I chose. Now, after re-marrying, I am having the conversation with my new husband for the son we have now and future children. The choice hasn’t gotten any easier, but is still as necessary. Thanks for the reminder!
Another great post on TMG by @writingroads & important reminder for all parents Don’t wanna leave my kids. Period. [link to post]
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RT @prCarrS Death happens, for reals. Plan ahead 4 your kids. Read, then DO IT! [link to post]
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I’m reading this for the first time, and I am SO WITH YOU. There is no one that I can even consider. Really. No one. So I’m going with the “I’m just not going to die.” plan, so at least you’re not alone in that.