Last week, I thought that someone had written books for adults based on the hilarious Numeroff/Bond children’s series that includes If you give a mouse a cookie & If you give a pig a pancake - but I was wrong. No one had done it, so I wrote one myself called, If you give a mom a martini…and now…I can’t seem to stop. Again, feel free to illustrate this story in your own mind or send me the name of your best friend, the illustrator or publisher.
If you give a 40 year old man a Ferrari…
He’s going to want a pair of leather pants to go with it.
When he starts remembering how good he looked in these pants, he’ll realize that he also needs a 20 year old blonde so he can show off his leather-clad derrière.
While you’re calling the blonde, he’ll fish his leather pants out of the basement.
He’ll have a terrible time pulling them up over his hairy legs and gut, so he’ll search frantically for the BowFlex he got for his birthday last year.
When he finds it, he’ll hop on and start pumping away, doing as many exercises as he possibly can.
This will make him very sweaty and he’ll tell you he needs to take a shower. But on his way to the bathroom, the doorbell will ring.
“It’s the blonde,” he’ll shout. And, then, he’ll ask you to answer the door.
Just as you start to open it, he’ll come tumbling down the stairs, because he can’t walk with his leather pants down around his ankles and because he, quite possibly, tripped over his own excitement (if you know what I mean).
He’ll land on the ground in front of the door.
When he sees the blonde standing there, looming over him, he’ll ask her what she stuffed her bra with and how she made her breasts stand up so high.
She’ll smack him hard with her Fendi bag and declare, ‘These are real!’
And then he’ll look at your boobs - sagging and low from feeding the fruits of his loins - and he’ll remember what real is.
So, he’ll kindly explain to the blonde that he made a mistake and that she should leave.
As you politely slam the door behind her, he’ll grab you and start kissing you with all he’s got. Which will make him feel like a virile young man.
He’ll get so excited that he’ll try to pull on his leather pants again…
And chances are, if he gets those pants on…he’s going to want a Ferrari to go with them.
Image Credit: fiskfisk
If you give a 43 year old man a Ferrari…on @thismommygig [link to post]
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Awesome: RT @writingroads: If you give a 43 year old man a Ferrari…on @thismommygig [link to post]
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LOL RT: @writingroads: If you give a 43 year old man a Ferrari…on @thismommygig [link to post]
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LOVE this! RT @writerdad: Awesome: RT @writingroads: If you give a 43 year old man a Ferrari…on @thismommygig [link to post]
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@EmApocalyptic Emma you might enjoy this: [link to post] and the first one I wrote (link at the top of this one)
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RT @writingroads: @EmApocalyptic Emma you might enjoy this: [link to post] and the first one I wrote (link at the top of this one)
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@writingroads Thanks for those!
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Hilarious again!
If you give a 43-year-old man a Ferrari, you wind up with this guy:
http://ferrariguyforhire.com
Prescott - that is HILARIOUS. and gross.