The other day my 17-year-old came home from the Rhode Island School of Design, where he is spending six weeks this summer immersed in Art. (I didn’t realize quite how much I missed him until suddenly there he was, grinning at me in the kitchen, and as I wrapped my arms around him I thought of that line in the poem by Walter Dean Myers, “Love that boy, like a rabbit loves to run.”)
When I tell people that he’s loving the long hours he’s spending in the school’s clay studio, how he goes back after dinner, and how he wants to major in Ceramics in college, people often nod about how wonderful that is before they ask something along the lines of, “So how’s he going to make a living at that?”
I can’t blame them, really. It’s crossed my mind a few times, as well, even though I’m not truly worried. And about 25 years ago, it crossed the minds of my own parents, too, which is why my mother said to me, when I announced then that I wanted to be writer, that I might want to have a backup plan.
She wasn’t trying to be cruel; in fact, she just wanted me to have what she lacked: independence, and self-reliance, and the ability, when the guy you marry turns out to be a shit in a lot of ways, to not have to take it. It’s true that money can’t buy happiness. Yet ironically, I’ve noticed — and my mother certainly knew — that the lack of it can bring plenty of misery.
A few weeks ago my friend Paul Williams created something he called the Killer Phrase BINGO. We’re all familiar with the game BINGO: Fill out the game card, trying for five in a row to win and shout, “BINGO!” “One key reason new and potentially innovative ideas don’t get implemented at companies is because skeptics and scaredy cats kill ideas when they’re first proposed,” Paul wrote. “They use killer phrases like: ‘We’ve tried that before’ and ‘Yeah, but….’”
And so it goes in parenting, too. How many of the phrases do we use, as parents, because our own parents said them to us (here’s where I’ll admit to “Don’t make me turn this car around!”) or because we can’t bear to see our kids in pain (”Don’t make the same mistakes I did…”)? How much of our own parents do we bring to our own roles in the job, all over again?
Once, when my mother and I were having an uncharacteristically frank discussion about sex, she said to me, “Your generation didn’t invent sex, you know.” But didn’t we? Isn’t it up to every teenager to figure it out mostly on his or her own?
In that way, too, every generation thinks it invents parenting. Or, maybe, it’s every person who is reinvented as a parent: Sometimes, we are inspired by our own upbringing, and sometimes we exorcise it. And sometimes, as is the case with me, it’s a little of both.
In any case, Paul created this BINGO card for parents strictly for fun. But then again, you could use it for awareness, too—a reminder, of sorts, that we didn’t invent parenting, but we certainly can guide its evolution.
#Moms Things Parents Say « This Mommy Gig [link to post]
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RT @mommyideas -#Moms Things Parents Say « This Mommy Gig [link to post] http://bit.ly/mTEqy
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Bingo for parents from @marketingprofs. [link to post]
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I’m afraid I DO use a killer phrase here and there.. oh dear me
MarketingProfs”Don’t make me stop this car…” How many of these parent phrases do you say? [link to post]
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Sigh… too many of ‘em. RT: “Don’t make me stop this car…” How many of these parent phrases do you say? [link to post]
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A very visceral way to make this great point!
In addition to this game, we can have another one in which we fill the card with phrases we *should* be using, but so often forget to: “Way to go!” “You did that really well!” “Nice to see you reading!” “Thanks for doing that.” “You just taught me something!” “I love you.” “You make my life better.”
Then when we get BINGO there’s a real reward - a kid with higher self-esteem than when the game started.
Great blog!
-Joyce Grant
Blog: Getting Kids Reading
“Don’t make me stop this car…” How many of these parent phrases do you say? [link to post] (via @MarketingProfs)
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Such an enjoyable read, and fantastic comments
“Don’t make me stop this car…” How many of these parent phrases do you say? [link to post]
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“Don’t make me stop this car…” How many of these parent phrases do you say? [link to post] (via @MarketingProfs) BINGO!!
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“Because I said so” How many of these parent phrases do you say? [link to post] (via @mzjaygee) *tee hee* Cute!
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RT @MarketingProfs”Don’t make me stop this car…” How many of these parent phrases do you say? [link to post]
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RT @fridley: RT @mzjaygee: “Don’t make me stop this car…” How many of these parent phrases do you say? [link to post]
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@whatsnext My favorite from my father: “When I was your age, I was 21.” [link to post]
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@MarketingProfs My faves: my nana’s “I’m cold, you better put on a sweater, I’m hungry, you better eat, & I’m tired, you go take a nap.”
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@MarketingProfs because I said so is my personal favorite. It gets used at least once a day.
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“Don’t make me repeat myself…” How many of these parent phrases do you say? [link to post] (via @MarketingProfs) BINGO!!
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@ElineWalda blij dat er totaal geen bingo in zit :D. Hoe was jou score daar op?
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RT @MarketingProfs: “Don’t make me stop this car…” How many of these parent phrases do you say? [link to post]
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Things Parents Say « This Mommy Gig [link to post]
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@BrigittedeLeeuw Geen bingo, maar recent toch wel 2 of 3 van die killer phrases gebruikt, vrees ik… (re [link to post])
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As soon as I read the first few sentences, I knew this was an Ann post and I knew it would be a good one… and I wasn’t disappointed.
My mother is Japanese, so I didn’t grow up listening to a lot of the parent BINGO phrases, but I have found myself spouting the same ideology… like somehow I have a little 78 year old Japanese women living inside of me who thinks that the family honor depends on how well one does in school. But I also have a ridiculously affectionate relationship with my son, shaped by a yearning to have a mom who was more demonstrative and huggy and by no doubt, a few years as a single mom when it was my son and I against the world.
We are, in the end, our mother’s daughters, because of or in spite of them.
Parent Bingo! “Don’t come crying to me” “Don’t make me stop this car” http://twitpic.com/cngip via [link to post]
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RT SophiaAa Parent Bingo! Don’t come crying to me “Don’t make me stop this car” http://twitpic.com/cngip via [link to post] -so true!
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