“I think the big brown guy is going to win,” my girl said the other night as we watched Shaquille O’Neil take on Oscar de la Hoya in the boxing ring on his “Shaq Vs.” show.
She’s just turned seven and still refers to people’s skin color in the same way she might describe a crayon; and while I think that is rather adorable, I do sometimes wonder how long others will think it is cute. At what age do we need to teach our children to use descriptions like African-American and Asian-American? And how do we teach them when to use Latino vs. Hispanic? Or the difference in Native-American and Indian (as in our across the street neighbors from India)?
I know that my own insecurities and fears of saying the wrong thing make me unsure of how to proceed in this area, and it turns out I’m not alone. Here in my own town, The University of Texas has been studying Caucasian (white?) children’s racial attitudes, and it appears that I’m not the only one who has problems discussing race with their kids.
According to Newsweek, the researcher was “taken aback—these families volunteered knowing full well it was a study of children’s racial attitudes. Yet once they were aware that the study required talking openly about race, they started dropping out.”
According to one blogger on the National Post Comment section, that “confirms what many people probably already thought: white children in Austin, Texas are racist.”
Wow!
That’s exactly the sort of thing I fear that keeps me from being comfortable discussing race with my daughter - doing it wrong and risking being pegged racist. But, the study indicates that not calling attention to racial differences does not mean our children will grow up to be colorblind, no matter how much we wish it.
Those families that did follow through with the study and talked openly about interracial friendship showed a dramatic improvement in their children’s racial attitudes. So, how do those of us not getting scripts from a university handle it?
I’ve asked the question among some of my white girlfriends before, and none of them seemed to know how to do it either. Often it seems something easier left to the school system to try to broach, but I’m not sure that’s really what I want to do.
My girl’s Daisy Girl Scout troop had a session on diversity last year, in which one of our African-American moms talked about race - but, even that was again in the context of crayons and how a picture looks so much better when it has more than one color.
This UT study indicates that sort of wishy-washy description doesn’t really cut it for what I ultimately want to accomplish. Turns out my pride in the diversity of that same Daisy troop doesn’t mean it is going to teach those girls to be colorblind either. Another UT researcher in that same Newsweek story says of desegregation in schools:
“It’s an enormous step backward to increase social segregation,” she says. However, she also admitted that “in the end, I was disappointed with the amount of evidence social psychology could muster [to support it]. Going to integrated schools gives you just as many chances to learn stereotypes as to unlearn them.”
So what is a parent to do? It would appear, much like preparing for “the talk” about sex, we also need to plan for more talk about race. I’m going to try to be honest with my girl and admit that I don’t really know when it is appropriate to use the terms Hispanic, Latino or Mexican-American. I won’t plan a big sit-down conversation, but rather will look for ways to weave it in when opportunity presents itself (much the same way I’m approaching discussions of sex at this point). But, I better prepare myself.
Better me talking to her about race than these guys.
Have you discussed race with your child? What tips can you share to help me and others prepare? Do I need to correct my daughter when she equally uses “brown” as a descriptor for African-Americans, Indian-Americans and Mexican-Americans?
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Great question. I’m not sure how to answer though, as my girls still use the crayon reference, too. I don’t think it is wrong and I certainly don’t think it needs to be corrected. It is the easiest/fastest way for them to note a difference.
During the Presidential campaign last year our oldest wanted to know if we liked the brown man or the old man. Certainly not PC, but it made sense to her and us. (After that we made sure she KNEW and used their names.)
I think the differences that kids this age really see/feel are how many siblings someone has, what kind of house you live in, what you bring for lunch, what toys you like, etc. I don’t think they focus on race - it’s just another thing in the list.
I don’t think I’ll sit down for a “talk” unless something happens. Otherwise, we’ll bring it up as the opportunities present themselves.
I think it will come with time, as she meets classmates from different backgrounds it might be easier to talk about the subject and for her to understand. When I arrived to US, even for me as an adult it was very difficult to understand all the different terms
Regarding my community, this is what I learned:
- “Chicano” refers specifically to Mexican-Americans, or anyone else of Mexican heritage, but I found some people consider the term a little derogatory and prefer the Mexican-American.
-”Hispanic” is for those who come from countries conquered by Spain like Mexico, Central America, and most of South America where Spanish is the primary language -except Brazil.
-”Latino” is all Latin America, including Brazil.
Hope it helps!
Thanks for the input!
@Kim - it’s so funny, but my girl used the exact same terms to describe the US presidential candidates! guess i really shouldn’t be surprised, though, since the BFFs probably chatted about it.
@Angelica - thank you for the descriptions - that does help! i know you’ve had the opportunity to live in several different countries, so i wonder if outside of the US people find it easier to talk about race, or if it is a global hang-up?
Don’t Forget “The Talk” - No, Not About Sex, Race « This Mommy Gig [link to post]
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I got to thinking about our Twitter back and forths on this topic and… couldn’t recall ever having had a conversation with my daughter about race. She went to a Humanities magnet school in Los Angeles between 1st and 3rd grade, and then an international magnet school in Miami during 4th grade. Also, I was active with a diverse community especially during her earlier years because of my work and personal activism, so she was surrounded by people of all races.
I finally decided to call her - she’s 24 now - to see if she could remember a conversation on the topic, and she couldn’t.
Today, her friends are of all races, though admittedly, there are few blacks where she lives.
I asked her if she thought we should have had that discussion, and she said “no,” that she learned her lessons from her environment and our actions.
It’s an important question and I’m glad you and the Statesman raised it.