Last night my (all be it overtired) girl had a major meltdown and laid two tons of guilt on me because she was, apparently, the only first grader who didn’t have a parent come to any of their field trips.
This, after I’d just left work an hour early that day to go get in lake water and ride an tube behind a boat with her. This, after I’d taken off half a day of work last week to paint faces at her school field day.
I tell ya, I don’t get no respect, no respect. (she says in her best Rodney Dangerfield impression)
I know I’m not alone in dealing with this sort of thing. If you Google “mom guilt” it returns 2,350,000 results. One of the top results is another blog named workingmomsagainstguilt.com. In a BabyCenter survey, 94 percent of moms said they feel shame over issues ranging from the amount of time they spend with their kids to the kind of diapers they use.
And while the recent article “31 Reasons You Shouldn’t Feel Mom Guilt” is pretty funny (#3 reminds me of last night’s meltdown and #22 hits a little too close to home for my husband’s taste), it doesn’t really do much to assuage my guilt over having the only child (yeah, right) who didn’t have a parent come on a field trip in first grade.
So, what will I do? I will count my blessings for a flexible workplace that rewards me for results instead of face time and I’ll leave early today to make the last hour of this field trip/end of school party at the park.
How do you deal with your Mom Guilt? And, is there such a thing as Dad Guilt?
Dad guilt? For me, it’s something I shut myself off to. Our daughter has been saying similar things lately, and then I feel it’s only fair to point out the things that we DO do for her.
If you balance out the things that you do for your kids versus the things you can’t (because you’re busy keeping a roof over their heads, cleaning up their mess, etc) you’ll find that you’re probably doing a lot already.
And to be honest, it’s important to say no to your child every once in a while too. Don’t you think it’s important for them to learn that mums and dads have other responsibilities sometimes? We try our hardest, but sometimes life just gets in the way.
I tend to agree with Gerard: we must have it clear that they are one of the pieces we need to take care of - and some frustration is definitely better than no frustration at all.
Still, I would say it’s not easy to avoid Dad Guilt, sometimes my kid beats me hard with accusations and I have to breath deep not to fall apart - for these situations, counting to 10 before responding is always the best alternative, otherwise you might declare their early victory without considering all your actions and constraints.