Yesterday, we were at a pool with some friends, who have two sons.
The parents are both the quiet, studious, orderly type. And the first son has followed in that train - his internal wiring, from birth, was a reflection of the disposition of his parents.
Not, however, his brother! Right from the get-go, this kid had wilder eyes. And as I tossed him around in the pool, it was obvious that his circuits remain wired quite differently from those of his brother. Same parents. Same upbringing. Very different wiring.
I’ve seen this countless times before. You look at the lineup of kids and say, “Yep - clearly all one family.” Then you experience the personalities and you’re left scratching your head. “How did this couple produce that??”
We do have a tremendous responsibility to shape, to mold, to instruct, to guide - but the longer we go on as parents, the more we realize that there is a layer of wiring in each child that cannot fundamentally be reversed. Some kids are astoundingly sociable. Others are quiet and hesitant. Some come into the world shaking their fist at all around them (including you, Mom or Dad!). And some insist, from early on, that they’re going to learn every lesson the hard way.
It’s the easiest thing in the world for a parent to feel guilty about how their kids are turning out. Some negligent folks probably ought to feel MORE guilty than they do! But there is a level of false guilt that can be discarded. When the sperm and egg meet, there is something magical that happens. Unique and unpredictable wiring. We may be dealt a hand that is quite unexpected. Powerboat parents may get canoe daughters, or vice-versa. Everyone ends up happier when we just learn to play with the hand we’re dealt!
Are your Kids Wired? Yep! [link to post]
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No kidding RT @swoodruff: Are your Kids Wired? Yep! [link to post]
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Fresh this morning on This Mommy Gig: Your Kids are Wired. [link to post]
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@writingroads Thanks! I thought it might be you. And I’m sure you already know this, but…Your Kids are Wired. [link to post]
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Well, my daughter happens to be me, only shorter. Son? Not so much. RT @swoodruff Your Kids are Wired. [link to post]
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“Power boat parents get canoe daughters…” Love that. I used to think I could change that canoe into a power boat. In other words, I used to think it was about me.
It’s not. Thank god.
So true Steve! I’ve always looked at my two older brothers - just a year apart in age, but worlds apart in most ways - raised by the same parents with the same beliefs. Like to think I’m a happy blend of them both - third time’s the charm.