Erica wears her birthing necklace. Each bead was hand-picked by her closest friends and family as part of the Blessingway ceremony at her baby shower.

When I got the invitation to my dear friend Erica’s baby shower, I must admit that I rolled my eyes a little. Along with the standard date, time, location information, I was to take the scrapbook paper enclosed and use each side – one for Erica and one for BBH (Baby Boy Harbison) – to write a blessing for each. Then, when I came to the party, I was to bring a bead that would be strung on a necklace… the invitation said it was a Native American tradition of some sort.

I didn’t know the event organizer all that well, so had no idea what to expect. But, regardless, there was no chance I’d miss out on participating. Erica and I have been friends for a decade – since our undergraduate days at the University of Oregon – and she’s had a rough year. I would be there, I would swallow my cynicism and be a part of whatever was in store.

What I experienced with Erica and the other women in her life with whom she’s close was tremendously meaningful. Rather than being giggly and goofy about the impending bundle of joy, we spent the time celebrating Erica and the bond she has with her friends and family.

This focus was particularly important for Erica - and really for each of us who were there. Erica and her husband split-up when she was three months pregnant and she was approaching her due date as not only a single mom to her almost-three-year-old, but now a newborn, too.

We all had the opportunity to let Erica know how much we loved her, supported her and were there for her every step of the way. Many tears were shed as we each read our blessings to Erica and her baby and explained why we chose the bead that we brought that day.

I’ll let Erica share, here, too:

My friends created a day that was so deeply moving. Their blessings reminded me how strong our friendship is, and that I am never alone. It also reminded me to remember I am a strong person, and how lucky my boys are to have me as their mom.

As Moms, we don’t often stop and pat ourselves on the back for a job well done. Thank goodness for good friends to write it down so we can read it over and over again, lest we have a lapse again. Needless to say, I was a tearful mess as each friend read aloud what she had written for me, and as they explained how they picked the special bead. I’ll treasure the beads, which will be strung on a necklace that I plan to wear often. Each is so different, beautiful and full of special significance, just like my friends, and reflects the attributes they see in me as their friend or daughter and as a mom. I couldn’t have asked for a more amazing day.

It was a truly amazing day that created an even stronger bond of friendship between us and I’m honored to have been a part. Erica has since welcome Aaron Ryder to her world. A happy, healthy baby boy with an amazing mom with an equally amazing circle of support.

What I found doing some research for this post, is this baby shower alternate is called a Mother’s Blessing or Blessingway and the necklace, a birthing necklace. If you want to know more about hosting this kind of reaffirming (and truly meaningful) event for a woman in your life, you can check out these resources:

• Canadian Women’s Health Network – The Blessingway: An alternative baby shower
• A Mother Blessing: An Alternative to a Baby Shower
• Bella Maternity Services – Blessing Ways

Ok, I admit it. When I offered to review Bath By Bettijo’s Sweet B. skin care line for children, my motives were completely selfish. So, when the package arrived with bath products that I could try, too, I was pretty excited.

I tried three products:

Lavender Soothing Baby Oil ($14.50)

Organic Shampoo & Wash ($16.50)

Shea Butter Soothing Lotion ($16.50)

All three felt completely luxurious. I love the smell of natural products. The baby oil and the lotion are my favorites of the three. The baby oil isn’t greasy, smells like lavender and gave me a reason to pause for a minute after a busy day and a splashy bath time to rub Braxton’s feet, legs, arms and belly. And surprisingly, he paused too. Anything that can create special quiet moments with a toddler is worth any price!

The lotion smells like shea butter, which I love, and is thick and soothing. It goes on clean and absorbs quickly. After spending too much time in the sun last weekend, I don’t think another product on the planet could have felt as good on my skin. Oh, and I’m sure Braxton agrees, too. If your tot has mild eczema or super sensitive skin, shea butter can work wonders.

The shampoo & wash was also terrific. We used it mostly as a wash and it had the lightest scent of the three products.

Other products also available in this line: Babybottom Balm, baby powder and hair conditioner.

I absolutely recommend these products. Soothing, luxurious and good for mom and baby.

Win These!

We have 1 Sweet b. Shea Butter Soothing Lotion and 1 Sweet b. Organic Shampoo & Wash for our readers - all you need to enter is leave a comment here. The contest will end September 2nd and the winner will be notified by email shortly after. Super easy to enter, why not try?

Kelli is mom to Braxton, age 2, and partner to Mike. She is an instructor at the University of Oregon and a public relations consultant with her own firm. Thanks to growing up in a large family, she’s learned to manage chaos and still have fun. You can read her posts here.

Kelli is mom to Braxton, age 2, and partner to Mike. She is an instructor at the University of Oregon and a public relations consultant with her own firm. Thanks to growing up in a large family, she’s learned to manage chaos and still have fun. You can read her posts here.

I clearly remember my first baseball game. I was 9 and we lived in Blessing, Texas (poplulation: 800), and my dad took my best friend, Barbie (an actual girl, not a 11″ fashion doll) to see the Houston Astros play the St. Louis Cardinals at the Astrodome. It was 1984, Nolan Ryan was on the mound and Jose Cruz was in center field.

Spending an afternoon at the ballpark, whether it’s our local minor league team or heading north to Seattle to watch the Mariners play, is still a beloved tradtion in my family. I thought, for that reason, that reviewing Baseball Bits: The Best Stories, Facts, and Trivia from the Dugout to the Outfield would be fun. I always love a good story and, as an academic, I appreciate a good set of data. And my partner, Mike, is a baseball stat geek.

I must admit, the amount of information in the book is a tad overwhelming. Not many stories are more than a page, resutling in a smorgasbord of anecdote and fact snacks. The book is categorized, not chronologically, but thematically with chapters like: Ball Clubs, Bosses, Deals and Steals, Big Events and Color, Clout and Controversy. This works really well, especially if you’re a fan of a particular aspect of the game. And it makes it easy to browse the book without feeling like you’re missing some part of the story.

As I read through many of the “bits,” I’d often find myself yelling across the house, “Hon?! Did you know…?” To which he’d dutifully reply, “No! Really? That interesting!”

This book is a treasure trove for fans, afficianados and stat geeks. Author Dan Schlossberg is all of the above. A former Associated Press writer, he’s authored 33 (!) baseball books and more than 25,000 (!!) articles about baseball.

A few of my favorite “bits.”

• Nolan Ryan, who pitched a record seven no-hitters in the majors, was 12 when he pitched his first no-hitter - in Little League ball in Alvin, Texas*. Page 88, Batters and Pitchers
• Philadelphia zookeeper Jim Murray sent baseball scores to telegraph offices by carrier pigeon every half inning. Page 4, Origin, Innovation and Evolution
• Although he started with the St. Louis Cardinals, Harry Carry was with the Cubs in 1992 when he joined his son Skip and grandson Chip to become the first three-generation family to announce the same game**. Page 202, BallTalk
• The Boston Braves spent $10,000 to purchase Hank Aaron’s contract from the Indianapolis Clowns***, a Negro Leagues team, in June 1952. After less than two years in the Braves’ minor leagues, Aaron reached the majors to stay. Page 133, Deals and Steals

Win a Copy!

We have 5 copies of Baseball Bits: The Best Stories, Facts, and Trivia from the Dugout to the Outfield for our readers! All you need to do to enter is leave a comment here telling us who would benefit from the book if you win - are you a baseball fan yourself? Is it for your husband? Dad? Son? Wife? That’s it - easy as pie. Just leave a comment and make sure you use a valid email address.

The contest will close on Monday, August 4 - winners will be chosen by a random number generator and will be notified via email.

Also, don’t forget to check out the rest of our contests!

* this is a favorite because of the family legend of my dad vs. Nolan Ryan in the Little League All-Star game that same year. Nolan pitched, Dad hit a home run.

** Mike is a huge Cubs fan and Harry Carray was his favorite announcer of all time. He can even do a pretty spot-on impression.

*** The Clowns? Are you kidding me? That was the name of the team?!

(Disclosure: A copy of the book was provided free of charge for review.)

Kelli is mom to Braxton, age 2, and partner to Mike. She is an instructor at the University of Oregon and a public relations consultant with her own firm. Thanks to growing up in a large family, she’s learned to manage chaos and still have fun. You can read her posts here.

My Sunday morning paper should have come with a box of Kleenex. I thought I’d share this moving story with This Mommy Gig readers.

[excerpt]

By Randi Bjornstad

The time-honored marriage promise, “till death do us part” has no meaning for Karl Martin.

The 78-year-old widower spends much of every day at Mount Vernon Cemetery, sitting at the grave of his wife, Betty Martin, who died Jan. 15 of kidney cancer. He reads to her and talks to her, occasionally getting up to wander a while among tombstones that date back to some of Springfield’s earliest residents before returning to her side.

Read the rest here.

Kelli is mom to Braxton, age 2, and partner to Mike. She is an instructor at the University of Oregon and a public relations consultant with her own firm. Thanks to growing up in a large family, she’s learned to manage chaos and still have fun. You can read her posts here.

I make more money than my partner. Significantly more in a given year. I pretty much always have, unless we count college when he was a server at Outback Steakhouse and I was mostly interning for next to nothing. But for all intents and purposes, I’ve always been the breadwinner.

When we got pregnant, that he would stay at home was an easy decision. I had almost no maternity leave (self-employed plus on a teaching contract doesn’t leave room for a traditional amount of time off); I think Braxton was about 3 weeks old when Spring term started and I went back to campus.

Ugh. That makes me tired just thinking about it. Moving on!

I thank God Mike was able to stay home and we were able to make it work. But there are still plenty of things about this arrangement that are difficult.

• I hate keeping score. Who did more housework, who was on baby duty longer… I try not to get sucked in, but it happens and I feel resentful.
• Just because I work from a home office doesn’t mean I’m not working. Too often, the minute I come in the door, the shift change occurs and I’m trying to both work and chase Braxton around to contain the toddler tornado.
• I would love to have “regular” hours. Because I am at home a lot, my projects get spread out over several hours (including interruptions), which means that I have to work late. And on weekends.

All in all, I really am very lucky. Mike is a great dad. Because he stays at home we’re able to live more comfortably than we could otherwise. And I tease him that he’s lucky to have a sugar mama, too.

I know I’m not the only one in this boat. I’d love to hear what you think! What are your challenges? How do you make it work.

I can see Braxton’s toddler imagination working overtime. He’s developing stories and creating narratives about cars and trains, dogs and clouds. I pick up a word here or there, but for the most part, it’s all about him.

As I see this part of his personality developing, I wonder how I can foster his imagination and keep his creativity flowing. I remember playing for hours with my siblings, cousins and neighbors in our own fantasy world and that’s carried over into adulthood as curiosity, optimism and problem solving.

ParentCenter had a great article about this topic last week and I thought I’d share some of the tips with you here.

Read books together: We all know this is important for vocabulary and language development. Think about why you read for pleasure, though - for me it’s an escape - to visit far off lands and imagine unknown people and situations. For your kiddo, it’s the same. We have a book called Jungle Drums and it’s one of our favorites. The storyline is a little over Braxton’s head, but he loves the drumming part. The illustrations are big and colorful and there are lots of animals sounds to make.

Share stories together: Making up stories is just as good as reading a book together. Your toddler will help develop a sense of possibility and encourage the basics of creating a plot and characters. Tall Tales Audio has some great tips for getting started, like keep it simple (just four or five sentences for the littlest ones and try copying the format of nursery rhymes for ideas); use familiar people and places; put your child at the center and have fun and be silly!.

Celebrate his artwork: Ask your child to interpret - whether than “is that an X?” (you’ll be wrong) ask him to tell you about what he drew. Braxton loves to color. It doesn’t matter if it’s chalk, crayons, washable markers or just a pen from mom’s bag, he’s always drawing. Of course, he’s 2, so he never draws anything recognizable, but it’s still fun for him to imagine what he’s drawing and tell me about it. If you’re really interested, you can check out this home video of his artistic endeavors.

Make music: Even if it’s too early for formal lessons, you can still be musical together. Sing, dance and listen to music together.

For more tips from ParentCenter, visit the article. What do you do to help encourage imagination? Or what fun imagination fueled play have you and your kids had together?

Photo from my living room (yes, I was in the middle of laundry!). Braxton, age 2.

We bought a potty today for Braxton. He says “potty” a lot. He knows where the potty is. He occasionally tells us when he’s going “pee pee” or “poop.” I honestly don’t know if he’s ready. But if he is, we’ve got the equipment!

In the meantime, enjoy this little ditty from Elmo about pottying. And please leave your best advice in the comments.

Maybe it’s a rite of passage - for both toddlers and their parents. The tantrum. Our usually-darling child turns into a savage beast creating chaos in his wake.

My friend’s daughter threw such out-of-control tantrums that it was all my friend could do to keep her daughter from hurting herself. My sister’s son takes it out on his little brother, turning around to push the “other” toddler if he doesn’t get his way. Braxton’s latest trick? throwing himself on his knees… hard… on the wood floor. Braxton’s tantrums drive me to the edge of sanity and my partner and I find ourselves stressed out at each other after a particularly difficult bout.

First of all, I am no expert. But, I recently did a bunch of research to help me learn to handle Braxton’s tantrums in a more positive, constructive way than giving in or losing my own temper. And since I did the research, I figured I might as well and open it up to This Mommy Gig community to share their own strategies.

Why Tantrums?

A toddler’s life up to this point has been a charmed one. He’s hungry? He eats. Wet diaper? It’s changed. Tired? He’s able to sleep at will. This is our job as a parent to cater to our baby’s every need and bend over backward to make sure they feel safe and loved. When it comes time to help our children understand how to manage this free will that they’ve developed, it can be overwhelming a difficult transition.

According to Dr. Kenneth Condrell a child psychologist and resident expert at Fisher-Price this transition can take a while.

“While he learns how to tolerate frustration, there will be many temper tantrums. Sometimes during these temper tantrums, the toddler will fall to the floor and bang his head. Sometimes, he will pull his hair and spit. Sometimes he will kick his feet, or throw things—or throw up. All of this is normal…of course, it’s also trying on the toddler’s parents.”

As moms, we see this all the time, right? It’s clear that our child is developing a real sense of self and what he wants. But his communication skills haven’t kept pace. I’d be frustrated to! I’ve thrown tantrums for lesser reasons that that.

What to do?

Most experts agree that there are two types of tantrums, manipulative and frustrated.

Dr. Sears has this suggestion:

“If you feel that your child is using tantrums as a tool to get his own way, give him verbal cues and use body language that says you don’t do tantrums. Be aware that toddlers know how to push their parents’ buttons. If you are a volatile person, it’ll be easy for your child to trigger an explosion from you, ending in a screaming match with no winners. You send a clear message when you ignore his fits or walk away. This teaches him that tantrums are not acceptable. This is part of toddler discipline.”

I’d like to think I could always tell the difference, but I can’t.

However, most tantrums come from frustration and require empathy. As with everything in parenting, everyone has an opinion about what to do. Here are some of the tips I found most helpful:

Identify the Trigger: Toddlers seems to melt down at the times that it’s least convenient for us. But it’s often those very circumstances that lead to frustration. Dr. Sears suggests keeping a “tantrum diary.”

Dr. Spock says to ask yourself some basic questions to see if you’re doing what you can to avoid tantrums. (does your kiddo have enough outside play time? are there things to push, pull and climb? do you “set him up” by scheduling demanding activities at a time when he’s likely to be hungry or tired? when you see a storm brewing, do you distract him to something else?)

Prevent & Plan Ahead: Go to the supermarket when you’re both well rested and fed and let your toddler be your helper (Dr. Sears). If you know the triggers, you can help distract, prevent or avoid the tantrums all together.

The little person in your life if figuring out how to be an independent being. Give him choices when you can will help give a sense of control (BabyCenter)

Stay Cool: There’s no way around it, tantrums are embarrassing. Even if you feel trapped and embarrassed, don’t lash out. You need to stay in control. If you need to, take him to the bathroom or the car or another quiet spot to calm down (Dr. Sears).

The emotion that your darling toddler is exhibiting can be frightening and overwhelming to him, too. Some experts say to comfort him by holding him, others say to ignore the tantrum until he calms down. Regardless, don’t abandon him by storming off to the other room and figure out the approach that works (BabyCenter).

Verbalize: Move to your tot’s level and say the things that he can’t say. Ex: “You’re mad at mommy because you can’t have candy” (Dr. Sears). Speak in short sentences and acknowledge their emotions (Dr. Harvey Karp via LiveScience)

Overall, try to ease up and choose your battles. If you find yourself saying “no!” all the time, you might be putting undue stress on both of you. (Braxton’s favorite saying right now, which he delivers in a mocking tone is: “no! stop it!”… that’s probably a sign). And there are times to talk to your doctor, too. According to BabyCenter, if your child is over 30 months and having major tantrums every day or under 30 months and not cooperating with any routines. Follow your gut.

And…if all else fails, you can buy the Tula Tantrum Tamer, a “native remedy” that says it reduces the frequency and severity of tantrums and helps children become more “amenable to compromise and discipline.” Huh. Well, there you go!

Seriously, I’d love to hear what This Mommy Gig community thinks. What’s worked for you? What hasn’t?

photo by Jenn_Jenn via Flickr