This Friday I hop on a plane to San Francisco and will be away for a little over 24 hours speaking at a start-up conference. Over the weekend I started telling my sons, particularly my almost 5-year-old, that I was going to be gone for one night. My husband and I have found that our oldest does a lot better when he knows “the plan” and we can discuss it for a few days before it happens. If you sneak something up on him - he is liable to have on of his “fits” (as he calls them). As I talked about why I had to be gone, my oldest said:
That’s not fair. Mommy always has to go. It’s Daddy’s turn.
He is right. I more often have events and travel outside of office hours. I don’t travel tons, and often times when I do travel I take the kids with me (along with my mom or husband or mother-in-law to help out). But about once a month I have evening events where I speak, teach, or facilitate entrepreneurship, and once on a while I plan a quick trip to a conference or speaking engagement where it is just easier to fly in and out and not plan on the extra expense and all the extra hard work that entails bringing the kids along. In April I will be gone for a total of 3 full nights away, and one evening at a local entrepreneurship event. Daddy will be in charge, taking care of our 2 boys on his own.
My son knows my husband and I work together, running Palo Alto Software together. He knows that we go to the same office, and work with the same people. So his question is of course very logical. What is harder for him to understand right now is the different jobs that Mommy and Daddy do. I am the public face person for the company. My position requires me to travel more and to be in front of as many people as possible speaking, teaching and evangelizing. My husband is our opps detail guy. He is all about product development, IT infrastructure and web development. So no matter how I like it or not - I am going to be the one that travels more and is more often gone.
And of course that gives me immense Mommy guilt. While I LOVE what I do, and I have chosen this life and this career, and I would NEVER change it, that doesn’t mean I don’t have guilt. Especially when the almost 5 year old wants to know why I have to be gone more than Daddy. I wish it could be different. I wish I could ALWAYS take the kids. But I also know its good for Daddy to have some time on his own with the kids. Our kids are still so young that they definitely tend to still migrate towards me when they are hurt, tired, hungry, or upset. So every time Daddy is the only one — I feel like they get a little more bonded to him. Or maybe this is how I make myself feel better about being away. One way or another though — I can’t change the fact that in order to do the job I love, I am going to have to travel here and there. This means I am going to have to leave the kids behind sometimes. I know they are O.K. — I just need to learn how to not feel so guilty about it.
If you are a working mommy who travels more than your partner, I would love to know how you deal with it!
Sabrina Parsons aka MommyCEO
