About a year ago, I was fortunate enough to see Karol Rose of Flexpaths speak. This burgeoning company, and Karol along with it, is changing the way we think about work, workstyle flexibility and life in general….and I’m thrilled to be writing for them. After I saw Karol speak, I wrote about her theory of work/life balance - which basically states that the quest for ‘balance’ is a myth and a recipe for heartache and stress.

Karol maintains that we should reach for work/life effectiveness instead, and this weekend I was the poster child for her theory.

Take a two year-old boy + a three year-old girl + a Blackberry/Mac/Writing/Blogging/Twitter obsessed mom and subtract my wife (you know, the reigning Mother of the Year champ) and put them together for 53 hours with no outside help whatsoever.

The perfect storm?

It could have been, but I took Karol’s advice to heart. I needed to be effective at home this weekend. So, I turned off my computer, ignored my Blackberry’s charming gong that tells me I have yet another email and sunk deeply and contentedly into my role as Mom…And I had the time of my life.

Sure, some writing ideas popped into my head and I scribbled them down. Once or twice I checked Twitter to see what was happening. But my mindset was all about home. I can assure you that if I had had the goal of getting a few work things done this weekend, we all might have imploded.

In this case, ‘balance’ was found by tipping the scales profoundly and completely in the direction of home.

Apply this lesson where you will. If you’d like to be effective anywhere, anyhow, anytime - Just. Do. IT.

Cross-posted on Writing Roads

Image courtesy of Zen

No matter what, I’ll always be able to tell my kids that I beat them to Facebook.

Granted, they’re only 2 and 3 right now, but STILL, I was there FIRST. My latest online reading/giggling obsession has been Oh Crap. My Parents Joined Facebook.

If you haven’t been there yet, go! Now!

I’ll wait……..ho hum. Twiddling thumbs. Getting some coffee.

Ok, back now.

Funny, funny stuff, people. Right?

And my poor, poor children.

I’m such a geek that no matter what tech thing is hot when they’re teenagers, I’ll have been there first.

Guaranteed.

Evil laughter……….

FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATE, MON, MAR 16, 2009:

3:49pm Christian reports: Berkeley (7lbs, 7oz - 20 in - 9.9 Apgar Scale) sends her love to all. She’s now feeding for the 1st time like she’s been doing it her whole life!

***

BACKSTORY:

Two and a half years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting my son, Beckett, for the first time.

As a first time father, Beckett’s arrival in our Ft. Worth, TX hospital delivery room — and his mother, Karla, who did all the heroic work that life-changing day — truly humbled me.  Trying to convey to my own mother on my cell phone a minutes later what it like to see him born and to hold him in my own arms was nearly impossible.  I simply lacked the words.  Tears replaced them as I fumbled to express myself.  Luckily, she understood and let me go back to my wife and son, telling me to give her a call later that night when time allowed me to fill her in more fully.

While photographs have allowed me to ‘remember’ those first few minutes/hours of Beckett’s young life, so much of what took place that afternoon has faded into the funky contours of the human brain, lost to the natural passing of time.  Even the entries I posted on our family blog only hit a few highlights, often written long after they took place.  The sense of the in-the-moment immediacy and wunderlust, however, was impossible to translate…

…until now.

FAST FORWARD:

Two and a half years later, my wife and I returned to the same hospital delivery unit to meet our first daughter, Berkeley.

Since Beckett’s birth, our family blog has magnified significantly from a tepid attempt to semi-privately ‘journal’ a few family moments here and there to the development of a robust hub of digital stories, photos, and videos that are now regularly shared with hundreds of family, friends, colleagues, and strangers around the world.  At last count, we’ve crossed the 2,250 blog post mark…and that was before our daughter’s birth.  We suspect a ‘few’ more will be added, too.

Additionally, we’ve added an iPhone to our tool set, not to mention dualing Facebook accounts for both parents. This means that just-in-time storytelling options have been magnified far beyond the boundaries of what a family blog can pull off.  Seems that blogging is so last status update.

It was only a matter of time before we’d put it all together, letting our family and friends grab a virtual real-time seat with us as we prepared to deliver our daughter via type-n-post Facebook status updates. something that would have been inconceivable not that long ago.

• Ever wondered how you’d tell the story of your child’s birth through the lens of 140-character Facebook status updates?
• Ever wondered what it’d be like to Facebook status update every step leading to, during, and after your child’s birth?
• Ever wonder how such a story would read, one status update at a time?

This is our story, told 140-characters (or less) at at time.

Continue Reading »

“Some of my friends are on Facebook,” my daughter told me the other day. We were riding in the car, both facing forward, but I noticed her gauge my reaction with a quick sideways glance. “Anyway,” said Caroline, who is 11 going on 41, “I don’t think it’s appropriate.”

Later, I checked out the Facebook profiles of a few names she mentioned, friends who — like Caroline — just started middle school. Because Facebook doesn’t allow users under age 13 who aren’t in high school to set up a profile, the sixth-graders lied about their ages and about what school they attend. I noticed quite a number of them –- maybe 30 or 40 that I recognized. I noticed the profile of one girl’s mother, too, networked with all of those kids.

As I’ve written in the past, social networking is definitely trending younger and younger.  And it’s occasionally an awkward place to network – when I bump into Caroline’s almost 17-year-old brother there, I always politely turn aside like I didn’t actually see him, sort of like if I accidentally walked in on him in the bathroom. It’s just that weird for us to be Facebook “friends.”

Generally, I think it’s fascinating to observe the very definition of a “social circle” shifting and expanding and the notion of “play” expanding as our kids, tweens and teens participate in Runescape, or Club Penguin, or Webkinz.

But at the same time, it gnaws at me to see 11-year-olds on Facebook, using their actual photos, with their actual identities. Setting aside the dishonesty that’s required to open an account for a minute –- and yes, that bugs me — I worry about them exposing too much of themselves online before they can really grasp the implications of it.

Do I want them to start a digital trail before they’ve really had a sense of understanding what’s appropriate to share, and what’s not, what’s okay to talk about, and what’s not? No matter how much I trust my kids, Facebook remains a public forum with very public repercussions. And being a parent for almost 17 years, I’ve learned not to be too surprised when kids have a giant lapse of judgment. Things happen.

Given that my own digital trail is fairly well-traveled, I realize how odd my position might sound. Maybe I should just relax? I thought. So I asked other people – some parents, some not — what they thought, via the microblogging tool Twitter. Here were their responses to the question:

“Would it bother you to see your 11-year-old on Facebook?”

@matthewbennett: surely it’s really easy for teenagers to get around anyway if they want to - “I was really born in ..mmm, let’s see…1956″ … and given that, should probably just teach them how to use it properly.

@melfi: reverse. it would bother me to see my mom on facebook. facebook has become what AIM was 10 years ago for kids

@idaho_jamie: No, because I understand FB and would PARENT him/her and monitor. No different then skateboarding, etc.

@MikeDriehorst: Yes, it would — without my permission. Wife & I (mostly her) very, very cautious about exposing any of our kids’ ID online… With openness of soc media - good and evil - it’s not worth exposing our kids to whoever may be lurking.

@sonnygill: Yes. I think at that age, children need to grow and nurture their friends/relationships through face-to-face interaction… Basically, it’s important for kids at that age to grow their relationship skills, not w/a Facebook page, but w/real-life.

@amachina: YES! I have two kids, 10&12. Not allowed on FB, MySpace. I tell them about [internet predators], but they’re too sheltered to get it.

@Jennydecki: No. My three year old knows what Twitter is. They won’t know how to market products/services if they aren’t familiar.

@rockandrollmama: Yes, it would. I shut my 12 yr old down about FB the other day. He doesn’t get the risks, and there’s no reason for it.

@JessicaGottlieb: yes it would. Before we send our kids out we have to prepare them. Play alone in the park first.

@StacieAndrews: Not really - we can’t let social media die with us (like it could) but nurture the next generation of social media-ists

@Nedra: I don’t think an 11 y o has the judgment yet to know what’s appropriate to share on Facebook (not that many 20 yr olds do!). My 10-yo has a blog, but it’s anonymous. Facebook is not anon, and therefore more potential problems re: safety/social issues.

@FiurInformation: 11 y o online in FBook would be OK only like any other online experience at that age — with parental supervision.

@jamesdickey: We absolutely do not allow our 12 or 14-year-old to have facebook/myspace pages. Too risky and very little benefit.

@busymom6: Yes, from the Facebook research I’ve done I think it is a completely social group for anyone underage

@JackLeblond: with proper guidence, I would be OK with it. Both mine were online young, with rules

@NoOneYouKnow: Nope - my 9 y.o. has a job/intern at www.creaturepark.com and email. Why not FB? However, he can’t friend me just yet ;).

@johnheaney: my kids can be on Facebook with conditions: only friends can see profile, I have the password, strict rules on posting

@leah_mullen: Yes it would bother me to see my 10 y o on a social networking site with adults.Amazing Kids! has a great pen pal program.

@DeirdreS: my daughter is now 19 and has been online since age ~10, pre-Facebook. online communications skills are essential today

@GriffinClubMerv: I have an 11 and a 12yo. We wouldn’t allow it. We have a zero tolerance policy on Internet privacy for children.

@mlogan: Yes. I recently found my 9 y o daughter had joined a socnet site. I let her stay, but made her take down pix and personal info

@EllasMom: It would bother me to see any 11 y.o. on facebook. They are too young to understand where the boundaries of privacy exist.

@kirstenewatson: My 12 yr old is on facebook but I am one of his facebook friends - its a rule - 6 months or so and counting - so far ok

@busymom6: Yes, in fact I just was alerted to my 13 yr old having a fb page by my sitter, all hell broke loose around here

@robertlendvai: My 11yr old daughter is on FB. She knows that I look at her postings, chats, etc She’s cool with that.

@jennysoucek FB is like the new AIM, parents didn’t like their kids using AIM with all the weirdos up there, FB could expose them to the same 4 minutes ago

@pdeluca It would not bother me. My 11 y o has a cell phone which we monitor, FB is no different. Plus, we have many relatives on FB. 18 minutes ago

@SusyP I’m nowhere close to being married or having kids, and the idea of an 11 y o on fbook terrifies me and makes me nervous to be a parent.

@Note_to_CMO It would bother me. His blog is private. His LinkedIn page is down.

@chelpixie Yes it bothers me to see my 13 year old on Facebook. It depends on the interactions and I wasn’t comfortable with hers.

@jpickett1968 I saw a picture of my 15 year old, kissing her boyfriend. I wasn’t too happy.

@eugenelee Many of my tech laggard parent friends joined Facebook specifically because their kids were and they wanted to monitor.

As you can see, the responses are all over the board – some say lighten up, some say not in a million years, some say a qualified yes – with plenty of supervision.

My take is that this this isn’t an easy issue. There’s  no obvious answer, like there is to “Should I let my kid smoke crack?” But some questions are tougher to answer. Life online, and offline, these days, requires a far more nuanced touch.

So what do you think? How would you feel about letting your underage child on Facebook? Please leave a comment below.

* * *

Ann Handley heads up content at MarketingProfs and also writes her acclaimed personal blog, A n n a r c h y: Subscribe to A n n a r c h y here. It’s really fun to follow her on Twitter.

Wow, we have a new mom AND a new dad joining us here - we’re now up to 20 contributors, which is pretty amazing!

We also now have a Facebook group (yay!), so c’mon over and join us!

Wait, one more thing - don’t forget about our weekly contests, we’re holding one every Monday - lots of free stuff to win and they’re SO easy to enter. You can check out our past ones and the current one to see what they’re all about!

Now, meet Rachelle and Damian - we’re excited to have them writing with us!

Rachelle Beckner

Rachelle Beckner is a thirty-something mother of two beautiful, rambunctious girls, ages 3 and 21 months. She lives, works and plays in Charleston, WV, the capital city of the Mountain State, with her husband of four years.

Rachelle totally bought into that myth that you could have it all – career and family. Determined to be a dedicated mother and successful career woman, Rachelle struggles to juggle the daily demands that all working mothers face (the biggest challenge being reliable, affordable childcare.) In addition, she is always in search of good coping techniques for the all-consuming guilt that comes with being a working mother.

As the Development Director for the YWCA of Charleston, W.Va. (which can be found on twitter at ywcacharleston or at www.ywcacharleston.org), Rachelle is responsible for all fundraising activities – including a $2 Million Challenge campaign and several high-profile fundraising events.

When she isn’t giving her pre-schooler and toddler a bath, reading “Are You My Mother” for the 100^th time or cleaning crayon off the walls, Rachelle enjoys social networking through Twitter and Facebook, dabbling in online and viral marketing, and volunteering in a grass-roots organization called Generation Charleston, which has the goal of improving life in the Capitol City for the next generation. Her online presence also extends to two blogs. Rachelle created her first blog when her eldest daughter was born in 2005 so she could chronicle her daughter’s milestones for relatives and friends who live around the country.

After many therapeutic conversations with other working mothers in Charleston, Rachelle realized that it would be impossible to form a support group for these local working mommies. So she did the next best thing: created a blog where the working mothers of Charleston could continue their conversations about pediatricians, childcare, and the latest illnesses. Her new blog, Mountain State Motherhood, launched earlier this month.

How does Rachelle accomplish all this and keep a semi-clean house? Her drug of choice is a Café Mocha from her favorite supplier, Starbucks. Some believe it’s pure evil, but Rachelle knows Starbucks was invented by a sleep-deprived mommy.

Damian Bariexca

Damian Bariexca comes to This Mommy Gig less than a year after starting his own education-based blog, Apace of Change. A high school English teacher for eight years, Damian recently completed his graduate training in school psychology, and will be starting his first year as a school psychologist in Sept. 2008. Much to Damian’s surprise, working with teenagers for several years did absolutely nothing to prepare him for his new dual roles of daddy/ex-center of the universe when his son Dylan was born in 2005.

Damian and his wife Stephanie enjoyed 3am feedings and consecutive ear infections so much that they decided to have another child this year. Dylan’s sister Kiera made her debut in early 2008 to rave reviews.

Damian is originally from New Jersey, but has since relocated to Perkasie, PA.. In addition to his blog, he can be found on Twitter and Identi.ca as @damian613.