When I was getting married some of my friends from college joked that it was a sign of the Apocalypse. That’s because all through college I vehemently proclaimed that I would never get married and I’d certainly never have kids.

Yes, I eventually learned that I should never say never.

But even after deciding there was a place for a child in my life, I didn’t immediately feel comfortable in the role of mom.  Her infant years were hard for me - I ran back to work as soon as maternity leave was over. I wanted to be where I knew how to do my job and people could tell me what they needed (as opposed to me trying to guess what all that crying was about).

To some of you I’m sure that sounds harsh, but I really think it’s a myth that all women naturally have some instinct for mothering.  Instead of being proud, I resented when my husband would say I was better at some element of parenting than he was.  It wasn’t because I had any more practice at it than he had (never did the whole babysitting thing and was the baby of the family). If I was better at something it was because I poured over books, magazines and websites to learn how.  Something he could have just as easily done.

Toddler years had their own challenges. Getting a mug with “World’s Greatest Mom” on it was still far from my idea of success; but, things at least got a little better once she was able to verbalize her needs and wants. This may still sound uncaring, but to the contrary, I began to realize during this time that I had a love for my daughter I couldn’t explain. It runs deeper and more differently than anything else I’ve experienced. Maybe I do have some sort of instinct after all - like the one that means you never want to get between a mother bear and her cub.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t often wish for the days when going out didn’t take the advance planning of lining up a babysitter. I still cringed a bit when someone would call me a mommy blogger even though I blog here about issues related to motherhood. But, I also found myself becoming more vocal about support for girls and representation by women - not for advancing myself, but in the hopes of better things for women of her generation.

Then, an interesting thing happened the other day. I was watching the news with my laptop in, well, my lap and I saw a couple of guys I follow on Twitter mention that they were heading to San Francisco where the weatherman had just said it was going to rain.  So, I tweeted to them about packing an umbrella and David Armano replied “you’re such a mom.”

And I didn’t flinch. There was no cringe. No resentment.

Instead, I replied with another “mom” retort: “And eat your vegetables young man!”

I think maybe, seven years into this mommy gig and entering my fifth generation of life, I might be finally becoming comfortable with the whole “mom” label.

Photo compliments of Leandro Queiroz via Creative Commons.

I get out of the shower, put on my robe and head to the stairs to go wake my girl up this morning. There she sits at the top of them, all dressed and ready. I say “Good morning Sunshine” and she bursts into tears.

“I didn’t get any money!” she wails. Huh? Bad dream? Still sort of asleep?

Then it hits me. The tooth that had hung on forever was still sitting on her nightstand. The Tooth Fairy had forgotten it. Oh, what a horrible sinking feeling to know you’ve let your child down.

(image by Baddog_ via Creative Commons)

The leaving it on the nightstand was a new thing I was trying with this fourth tooth, and turned out to be both good and bad. Good that I now had an excuse.

“She must not have seen it there,” I could explain.

Bad because Mom had promised her there was no way it would be missed, and now the Tooth Fairy has to go back to digging around under the pillow to find it.

Tears dried eventually with reassurances that tonight we’d put it back in the traditional place and she’d find it, and we proceeded to breakfast. But, I still felt major guilt.

I tweeted, “Worst. Mom. Ever. The tooth fairy totally forgot to pick up a tooth last night. Girl crushed. Mom crushed.” And, was reassured to hear back that I was not the only one who’d had this happen. Several people presented good ideas for follow up, and I even shared one of them with her to show my girl that it wasn’t so uncommon.

So, we both found reassurance and absolution. And, tonight the tooth fairy delivered - including a little extra left to make up for the slight delay.

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About a year ago, I was fortunate enough to see Karol Rose of Flexpaths speak. This burgeoning company, and Karol along with it, is changing the way we think about work, workstyle flexibility and life in general….and I’m thrilled to be writing for them. After I saw Karol speak, I wrote about her theory of work/life balance - which basically states that the quest for ‘balance’ is a myth and a recipe for heartache and stress.

Karol maintains that we should reach for work/life effectiveness instead, and this weekend I was the poster child for her theory.

Take a two year-old boy + a three year-old girl + a Blackberry/Mac/Writing/Blogging/Twitter obsessed mom and subtract my wife (you know, the reigning Mother of the Year champ) and put them together for 53 hours with no outside help whatsoever.

The perfect storm?

It could have been, but I took Karol’s advice to heart. I needed to be effective at home this weekend. So, I turned off my computer, ignored my Blackberry’s charming gong that tells me I have yet another email and sunk deeply and contentedly into my role as Mom…And I had the time of my life.

Sure, some writing ideas popped into my head and I scribbled them down. Once or twice I checked Twitter to see what was happening. But my mindset was all about home. I can assure you that if I had had the goal of getting a few work things done this weekend, we all might have imploded.

In this case, ‘balance’ was found by tipping the scales profoundly and completely in the direction of home.

Apply this lesson where you will. If you’d like to be effective anywhere, anyhow, anytime - Just. Do. IT.

Cross-posted on Writing Roads

Image courtesy of Zen

When I recently saw this list of worst mothers in literature, it got me wondering who are the good mothers I’ve read about? And the first thing I realized as I let that roll around in my head a bit was that I really needed to get back to reading more “grown-up” books!

Seriously, almost all of the moms that popped into my mind were from childrens literature. Nice mothers like one of my favorites from “I Love You Stinky Face” (and the traveling mommy’s friend “I Miss You Stinky Face“) by Lisa Mccourt.

Then I thought of the heroic Mrs. Frisby from “Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH.” But, that was a bit of a cheat since I haven’t actually read the book - just took my daughter to the local cinema that was doing a free showing of the movie “Secrets of NIMH” last month.

Then, in more young adult literature, I thought of Sally Jackson the self-sacrificing and loving mother of the title character in the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. They’re a little advanced for my girl, but as a big Greek/Roman mythology fan, I found them a great read - in preparation for when she’s older, you know, so I’ll know if they’re ok for her to read. <wink>

The closest I could come to a good mother in a book that’s probably not in an elementary school library was August Boatwright from The Secret Life of Bees. She’s not a biological mother, but certainly filled that role for young Lily Owens in a way no one could top. I haven’t actually seen how Queen Latifah did playing her in the movie because I didn’t want to compare it to the book.

But after that, I started drawing a blank! A quick Google search for “mothers” and “literature” seemed to turn up more lists of bad mothers than good, so maybe I’m not the only one wracking my brain.  Do you guys have some favorite “good mothers” in the books you’ve read?

We’re on day 5 of my son’s horrendous stomach bug and to put it mildly, our house and everyone in it is in shambles. That sets the scene for:

1) My husband taking 2 unpaid days off this week

2) Me taking 3 unpaid days off this week

3) 3 gazillion loads of laundry

4) A shopping trip to buy 3 extra bedding sets because I can’t do laundry fast enough

5) 2 VERY tired parents, a frustrated healthy little girl, and a miserable, leaking-from-every-orifice, sick little boy.

And THAT sets the scene for my trip to the clinic today.

A trip made right after a naptime “incident” in which I almost had a heart attack thinking that my son had vomited blood. Nope, just red juice - heart rate slowed again.

The doctor walks in as I’m changing J’s diaper and gasps.

“Is that BLOOD?”

I stare down at J’s socks where she’s pointing and just. about. die.

Nope, that’s puke. Puke on his socks. Which I forgot to change when I was changing the bedding, his clothes, washing the carpet, and dealing with the general chaos of it all.

Yuck.

And I’m the mom who took her kid to the doctor with red puke on his socks.

I have no secrets, I guess. I’m just that mom. All the time.

Kristen Keller lives in New Jersey with her two young boys, husband and two dogs. In an effort to obtain the perfect work-life balance, Kristen works part-time out of her home office as an independent public relations consultant and spends the rest of her time striving to give her children the same wonderful childhood experience she had. Click here to check out Kristen’s other posts on This Mommy Gig.

Today I am on a plane – headed out of the country and getting temporary relief from my duties as mother, wife and businesswoman. That’s right. I’m on my way to Rome with my dad and brother, where we will spend a lovely day before departing on our Eastern Mediterranean Cruise. For 10 days, my roles as daughter and big sister will be at the forefront, and I cannot wait!

This trip was my brainchild and began with a call to my dad in the midst of a long commute into work about a year ago (worked in an office then). I said, “Dad – I have a brilliant idea. You and I are going to take a trip – just you and me – next year.” I had no idea where or when, but I knew I wanted to have some quality time with my dad – create memories neither of us would ever forget. He said, “Okay,” but I don’t think he really believed it would come to fruition.

Well, here we are a year later, and we’re on our way to Rome! And Sicily and Crete and Greece and Turkey! The fact that my brother was able to join us is a huge bonus! And I’m sure my mom will be joining us in spirit; she wouldn’t miss this for the world!

Sure, it means I had to work 10 times as hard to make sure all was in order (professionally and at home) before I left, and will have to work just as hard when I return to play catch-up, but it will be so worth it! I have four books that I’ve been wanting to read – books with actual paper pages and heavier on text than on pictures – that I have brought with me. Will I get through them all? That remains to be seen.

And there are two formal dinner nights, so I get to dress up! I love dressing up – just never really have an occasion to do so. As someone who works from a home office, I’m not one to dress in sweats every day, but I certainly don’t find myself in many situations where I need to wear things that are “dry clean only.”

The point is, on this trip, I get to focus on ME and do things with my dad and brother that we enjoy doing – things you can’t do when accompanied by children – like hit the Blackjack tables and go on wine tours. I’m sure many of you understand. Ever since having kids, time with my dad and brother just isn’t the same with them around. We always have fun, but the focus is always on the children. Sure, we may sneak in a Scrabble game here and there, but only if we’re lucky enough to have both kids sleep at the same time.

Of course I will miss my boys and husband; I actually got teary-eyed in the car the other day thinking of saying good-bye to my boys at the airport (I’ll get to see them off at their gate as they head off to Indiana with my aunt). And my husband – I’m so thankful to have a man who understands the relationship that I have with my dad and brother and how important this once-in-a-lifetime trip is to me.

As for my work, I think I’ll get by just fine without it.

So here’s to leaving my mommy, wife and work life behind, and for 10 days, remembering what it’s like to be the kid again.

We’re welcoming another wonderful mom to This Mommy Gig! Sherry has a very unique perspective on this whole parenting thing due to her experiences and we’re really looking forward to having her write with us!

Sherry Carr Deer is the overly-caffeinated mom to three-year-old Nicholas, has worked in non-profit public relations for 10 years, went from reading several books a month to several books a year when her son was born, and spends way too much time daydreaming about sleeping. Sherry would do pretty much anything for her family as long as it’s legal, worries that she doesn’t spend enough time with her son, and wishes she had more time to scrapbook. And sleep…she misses sleep.

Sherry began dating her first husband at the ripe old age of 16, married at 20, graduated college at 22, started trying to get pregnant at 28, had Nicholas at 30 and became a widow the same year. Mark, Sherry’s husband and Nicholas’ dad, died suddenly of an unexplained medical condition when Nicholas was 5 months old. That was in November 2005 (one month shy of their 10th wedding anniversary).

In the 2.5 years since then, Sherry: grieved; began figuring out how to raise Nicholas as a single mom; left a wonderful job with a non-profit that she loved to move home and closer to family; got fired from a job she was never really right for in the first place; began working at an incredibly rewarding job with a non-profit that she loves; began scrapbooking; started dating again; grieved some more; and has now found herself engaged to William, an awesome man who loves her, challenges her, makes her laugh, and loves Nicholas.

She is constantly amazed and thankful for Nicholas who is wonderful, brilliant, sweet, and all boy. Sherry isn’t quite sure how it happened with her as a mother, but Nicholas is completely consumed by cars. During an effort to organize their living room recently, Sherry counted all the cars Nicholas has and stopped at 85. That’s not counting any of the assorted cars he’s got stashed at grandparents’ houses.

While trying to spend as much time as possible with William and Nicholas, be the best PR professional she can be, plan a wedding, and sleep some more, Sherry blogs for the San Antonio chapter of PRSA. She also kept a community journal about her life as a new mom and new widow for a couple of years on BabyCenter. If you’d like to connect with Sherry, you can find her on Facebook and Twitter at @prCarrD.

Wow, the amazing ladies just keep coming! Welcome Kymberli to our ranks……………

Kymberli Mulford

Kymberli Mulford has been an educator for over thirty years, but happily admits that her best teachers are her sons. Andrew and Alex don’t let a day go by without teaching her something – about wonder, about humor, about dreams, about friendships, and mostly about love. (And patience. And hard work. And determination.)

Her two boys, she says, are as different as night and day. Her youngest, Andrew, is boisterous, gregarious and outdoorsy. Alex is pensive and quiet, already an accomplished artist, author and composer as a young teen. She sees a little of herself in each of them, and a little of her wonderful husband — of almost 20 years! — in each of them, too. Since most of the bloggers on This Mommy Gig are mothers of younger children, Kymberli hopes to share the perspective of moms of ‘tweens and teens. Also, as the stepmom of her husband’s now-grown son, she’s been down the road of being the “other mother” and is now even (gasp!) a mother-in-law and (gasp!) a grandmother four times over. (By the way, she LOVES people who tell her that she’s not old enough for that… hint, hint.) At any rate, these children have all brought new joys and challenges into her life, and this has made her life fuller and her perspective broader.

As a teacher, an administrator, and a parent advocate for children with special needs, Kymberli has been in many different school settings and situations, but she’s happiest when she’s wearing her “Ed Tech” hat in a classroom, surrounded by students exploring a new way to use technology to learn and share knowledge. She presents workshops on all things related to technology in the classroom, and is a self-professed Ed Tech conference junkie.

You can find Kymberli on Twitter or follow her ed tech musings on Onionskin.