I’m one of those children of the 70s/80s who grew up thinking I should “bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan,” and never let my man forget he’s a man. We were supposed to strive to be “Supermoms” who were able to do it all.

And, according to the recent Advertising Age white paper “The New Female Consumer: The Rise of the Real Mom,” most of us do “do it all.” Their research showed that “…women with children still handle the bulk of the household and child-care responsibilities, the so-called ’second shift’ — whether they are working full time, staying at home or something in between.”

This is in an age when the Bureau of Labor Statistics reports both parents were employed in 62 percent of the 24.6 million families made up of a married couple with children under 18. And, in the 2006-2007 academic year, the U.S. Department of Education noted women earned a majority of higher-education degrees.

The full report embedded here is filled with many more such statistics, including a 48-year comparison on education, purchasing power, and wages. But, the “real mom” to which its title makes reference is what they are really making a case for in the paper.

They posit that “the second half of this decade has brought a backlash against the mythical Supermom — that hyperactive type-A personality who whips up perfect cookies and perfect children — and an embrace of the likable, more relatable real mom, who doesn’t obsess over the little things.”

The case is made that millennial women (born between 1980 and 1995) are leading this change in attitude. They are apparently not as “conflicted” as my generation — Generation X. While I grew up being told I was equal to men, what I saw was my own mother doing an unequal amount of work to keep our family running - that “second shift” we women are apparently still working.

“[Millennials] grew up with seeing a lot of moms working, being outside the home a lot, and decided ‘Hey, this isn’t what I want,’” Aliza Freud, founder and CEO of SheSpeaks said in the AdAge report. “So they may be at peace more with their not working or working.”

Nearly have of the women surveyed for the report said finding balance between family and career is “a joke” for working women and I will certainly agree with that. The tagline for this blog used to say that it wasn’t about balance, but about juggling.

As one journalist put it: “While no longer striving to be supermoms doing everything for everyone, mothers are looking toward being pragmatic and good enough, and making a real impact in the areas that matter most for them and their children.”

This AdAge report implies that marketers should help empower women to delegate responsibilities to spouses, children and even brands so that they will have “more time to be who they want to be.”

As Carroll Trosclair on Suite101.com rightly points out, “marketers have been helping women delegate work to products, services and brands for decades. But delegating work to husbands and children may be a new and controversial challenge for advertisers.”

Interesting Side Note:
While researching for this post, I came across a blog that mentions one of the ways information was gathered for the whitepaper. Kitchen Table Conversations, “a new user-generated video research service revolutionizing how qualitative research is conducted” was used to gather information on grocery shopping habits. If you’re interested in qualitative research methods, check it out.

Three years ago, I was a was single, driven career girl, with an even grasp on the corporate ladder and a swing in my step.  I had a new car, a new town home condominium that was spotless with everything had its place. I shopped at Saks, had “mani-pedis “with my gal pals and relished sushi lunches with fabulous friends.  I worked out five times a week for two hours and was getting back into good shape and good health.  Dates included lingering conversations over meals and movies — as well as the occasional candy and flowers.   Give me just a minute to say, “Ahhh.”

Fast forward to today!  To start with, I am now married to a great guy.  On Friday, our little boy will be two years old.  TWO!  One…Two!  Wow, they grow so fast.   Today, I work mostly from home running my consulting business.  My husband quit his job 18 months ago to stay at home with our son  and pursue ministry work.   So, here we are together… with our ball-obsessed dog, Maggie.   Snug as bugs in a rug.  Life is very different in this new place.  Very good, and very different.

As I have chatted and tweeted, laughed and cried with my other, now married gal pals — especially the ones with children — we have come to an agreement over the nature of a few, key changes in our lives.  My dear friend, Ann, encouraged me to share some of our thoughts with you here.

The new sexy: Hubby doing dishes, laundry and then vacuuming

The new “moo-moo” Yoga pants and a hoodie

The new workout: Picking up toys

The new mop: Calling the dog to lick up mess from floor

The new clean: Dishes out of the sink, everything else stuffed in a closet

The new gourmet: Anywhere kids eat free

The new sushi: Peanut Butter and Jelly cut into triangles

The new sleeping in: 8 am = Heaven!

The new Ann Klein: “Finale Clearance” (say this with French accent)

The new splurge: Expensive shampoo and conditioner

The new mani-pedi: Taking a hot, uninterrupted shower

The new good hair day: CLEAN

The new favorite outfit: Anything that FITS

The new dress up: Wearing a bra

The new date night: Staying awake through the END of the movie

The new foreplay: Kicking off the yoga pants

The new gal bonding: Half -completed thoughts uttered in between shouts of “NO, <insert child’s name> No biting!”

The new teething ring: The dog’s ball (builds immunity)

The new promotion: Transitioning from Pampers to Pullups

The new fabulous: Absorbing each new beautiful word my son says

The new sunset: The peace that comes after bedtime

The new romance: Knowing my husband loves me — even in my yoga pants

In short, life is good.  It’s not always easy. It’s often hard work.  I’ve learned to let go of control and my own “standards” and desire for order.  But in doing so, things have developed a curious order of their own.  I have been released into a life I’d only dreamed of.   It’s a life indescribable… and one I call, “The New Happy.” Memories of the old life aside, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I’ve been looking over my shoulder, frequently. I’m waiting for the parenting police to show up and take away my license. I know that they’re sitting around shaking their heads at this very minute wondering how I was ever allowed mom privileges in the first place.

They’re right, you know. I’m extraordinarily guilty. Guilty of crimes, guilty for crimes.

What have I done? Well, I’ve been selfish, I entertain the most selfish thoughts on a minutely basis (this being 60 times more frequent then an hourly basis), and I crave more selfishness. I want it to be all about me.

• I want to hide away in my bed and read whenever I can.
• I want to work 20 hours a day on my writing, weekends included.
• I want to eat what I want to eat, when I want to eat it.
• I don’t want to clean.
• I don’t want to make 20 construction helmets or motorcycles or excavators out of molding beeswax.
• I want to listen to my music.
• I want to yell, ‘FUCKING HELL!’ when my Blackberry implodes and not get ‘in trouble’ for it.
• …should I go on?

You know what this feels like? PMS, though it’s lasted way too long to be PMS. It reminds me of that special flavor of PMS where you can’t stand to have anyone touch you, talk to you or look at you. And everything just feels wrong. It’s like I need to be in a little room all by myself…(hmmm…one with padded walls?).

Of course, I’m being entirely melodramatic…I’m not to the point of needing a straight jacket. But, I need something. I’m going away next week for a few days to work with a client on a writing project, and I’ll have some time to work on my own writing…but will it be enough?

Though that isn’t the real question. The real question is, should I get to have everything that I want? When I signed up for this mom/wife thing, did I sign my life away? Do I get it back when they go to college? Or can I have it now. Or never?

Which reminds me. My mom, 66, is here for the summer with us. She retired in January…and she’s having a hard time reconciling her new retired life. She’s part of what’s been driving me crazy, by the way. I thought she was just annoying me, but as I write this post, I’m realizing it’s something else. Here she is with nothing but time to pursue her passions - nothing is holding her, she can be as selfish as she wants. And she’s just piddling the days away. She’s not doing anything, or more accurately, she’s not doing what I would do.

What the hell is she waiting for? What am I waiting for? Do I really need permission, am I really hogtied? Could I spend less timing being pissed and more timing doing what I want? And if so, why I am so hellbent on getting in my own way?

Anyone? Anyone?

Image credit: Txspiked

We have a lot of children’s books in our house - what with two 3 year olds and all. As a writer, (with 5 children’s books written and just waiting for a publisher to swoop in and make them as real as the Velventeen Rabbit) I’m a pretty huge snob when I’m reading to our children.

I’ve been known to stop mid-way through a book - interrupting my sleepy. sweet, ‘let’s go to bed’, mommy voice - to shout at Patti, “Can you believe they publish this CRAP?” Really, I just don’t understand. My books are well written, they make sense, they have a purpose. And some of these books are just nonsense.

But I digress, there are also many wonderful books with great writing and hilarious concepts…and one of my favorites? The ‘If you give a (something) a (whatnot)” series. Laura Joffe Numeroff writes the books, Felicia Bond illustrates them - they make a perfect match. There’s, If you give a pig a pancake and If you give a moose a muffin and If you give a mouse a cookie to name a few. And I love them. They follow a sweet child on a journey with a couple of ballsy animals that want, want, want - full circle. “If you give a mouse a cookie, he’s probably going to want a glass of milk…” which leads to a milk mustache which leads to a bath which leads to… - you get the point, right?

The formula is delicious - I’m a big fan of circular writing.

Which is why I got so excited when I saw Jessica Smith’s post about a new book called, If you give a mom a martini. It turns out this adult book offers 100 ways to find mommy bliss and alone time - and I was terribly disappointed. I wanted the other book - the kids book for grown-ups.

So, what’s a writer to do? Well, write the book you want to read of course. I don’t have the illustrations, use your imagination for the images - and feel free to send your illustrator and publishing contacts along…

Ready? Here we go:

~If you give a mom a martini…she’s going to want a nice dinner to go with it.

~So, you’ll make her a reservation.

~When she hears about the reservation, she’ll want you to find a babysitter.

~You’ll take out the phone book and start making calls, which will remind her that she needs the newest iPhone.

~When she goes online to buy it, she’ll notice that she has several new followers on Twitter. So she’ll check to see who they are.

~At least 20 of them will be spammers offering sex and 400 followers a day, and they’ll feature a sultry photo of Jennifer Aniston which will remind her of Friends and how much she loved that show.

~She’ll go to iTunes to download every season and notice the premier dates of the series. This will make her smack her iMac really hard - because the first season of Friends couldn’t possibly have started in 1994…because that would make her, well, 36. And that’s not possible.

~She’ll insist that you buy her a new computer that doesn’t compute wrong.

~When you start to tell her that it’s actually true (because you were a senior in college and you remember where you were when it happened - it’s like the JFK assassination for Gen X’ers), she’ll be reminded that you’re kind of dense.

~She’ll ask you for a shoe horn to help you remove your foot from your mouth. You’ll give it to her - albeit slowly - and just before she clocks you in the head with it, she’ll see the box that you took it out of and catch a glimpse of a gorgeous sandal.

~So she’ll ask you, shoe horn still in ready position, ‘What are ,those?’

~You’ll nudge the box towards her with your toe and grab the shoe horn as she bends down to take a closer look. The black strappy sandals will remind her of a black strappy dress she hasn’t worn in months.

~Strappy sandals in hand, she’ll head to the closet to get the dress and announce that you have to go out for a nice dinner immediately.

~And chances are, if you take her out for a nice dinner, she’s going to want a martini to go with it.

Image credit: JazarellaMozarella

When I recently saw this list of worst mothers in literature, it got me wondering who are the good mothers I’ve read about? And the first thing I realized as I let that roll around in my head a bit was that I really needed to get back to reading more “grown-up” books!

Seriously, almost all of the moms that popped into my mind were from childrens literature. Nice mothers like one of my favorites from “I Love You Stinky Face” (and the traveling mommy’s friend “I Miss You Stinky Face“) by Lisa Mccourt.

Then I thought of the heroic Mrs. Frisby from “Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH.” But, that was a bit of a cheat since I haven’t actually read the book - just took my daughter to the local cinema that was doing a free showing of the movie “Secrets of NIMH” last month.

Then, in more young adult literature, I thought of Sally Jackson the self-sacrificing and loving mother of the title character in the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. They’re a little advanced for my girl, but as a big Greek/Roman mythology fan, I found them a great read - in preparation for when she’s older, you know, so I’ll know if they’re ok for her to read. <wink>

The closest I could come to a good mother in a book that’s probably not in an elementary school library was August Boatwright from The Secret Life of Bees. She’s not a biological mother, but certainly filled that role for young Lily Owens in a way no one could top. I haven’t actually seen how Queen Latifah did playing her in the movie because I didn’t want to compare it to the book.

But after that, I started drawing a blank! A quick Google search for “mothers” and “literature” seemed to turn up more lists of bad mothers than good, so maybe I’m not the only one wracking my brain.  Do you guys have some favorite “good mothers” in the books you’ve read?

I can’t stop laughing every time I view this video (and I’ve been watching it over and over again….).

It’s funny on its own, but it’s especially funny to those of us whose kids bicker like these two. Even (like mine) occasionally! (And by “occasionally” I mean “yesterday.”) Enjoy:

This weekend is going to be a big one in our family - we’re going on dates.

Yup, that’s plural, you read it right! For the first time ever, we’re doing one-on-one dates with our kiddos. This time, Dad’s taking Maggie to the Sesame Street Live show and I’m taking Jake to either the park or the Children’s Museum. This is something that we decided we really need to do as our kids get older - we realized that neither of us has had any one-on-one time with either of the kids since Jake was an infant. He’s 18 months old now, so it’s about time to start carving out some precious time to just soak up each kid’s individuality.

I was shocked when I thought about the fact that although Maggie and I were home alone together for 15 months, I’ve never known Jake in that way. Our alone time is usually measured in minutes and I honestly don’t know *how* to play with just him! It’s always a group playtime and his dynamics with his sister factor heavily into how we all interact. We get a lot more alone time with Maggie right now as she goes to bed a bit later - poor Jake gets none of that time!

I’m really excited about this weekend and our parent-kiddo dates and also look forward to the next round when it’s time for a Mommy-Maggie outing!

I’d love to hear ideas of what other parents have done to make sure that they get one-on-one time with each of their children………

Kate Olson is a mother of 2 toddlers and lives in rural Wisconsin. She balances motherhood & working from home in a semi-functional fashion - you can read more about Kate on our contributors page. She blogs about education and lots of business/tech stuff at Kate Says . Want more? Read all of Kate’s posts!

Kristen Keller lives in New Jersey with her two young boys, husband and two dogs. In an effort to obtain the perfect work-life balance, Kristen works part-time out of her home office as an independent public relations consultant and spends the rest of her time striving to give her children the same wonderful childhood experience she had. Click here to check out Kristen’s other posts on This Mommy Gig.

Every now and then, something will happen, and the fact that my kids will not remain two and three years old for the rest of their lives hits me like a brick wall. Case in point - the other day, I had to return a library book. Braden (3-year-old) asked if he could put the book in the slot, and I said, “Sure.” To my surprise, we got to the slot, and he didn’t need me to pick him up. He was able to reach it, pull it open and drop the book in all by himself. That same day, when he went to use the potty, he shut the door on me and said, “I can do it myself, Mommy,” and he did. In both instances, I was so proud and yet, a part of me was sad.

I told my husband about my feelings – how they are growing up so fast, and I’m not ready for it. And he said, “Don’t worry. They’ll always need their mommy.” I look back at the relationship my brother and I had with my mom, and I know it’s true. Yes, they’ll get bigger and be able to reach the library drop slot; heck, they’ll probably tower over me. And no, they won’t need me to help them go potty or kiss their booboos to make them all better, but they will need me in other ways.

I guess I just need to enjoy this phase while it lasts and take each day as it comes. After all, no matter how Braden’s and Devin’s needs may evolve, deep down, my boys will always need their mommy, right?