I’m one of those children of the 70s/80s who grew up thinking I should “bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan,” and never let my man forget he’s a man. We were supposed to strive to be “Supermoms” who were able to do it all.

And, according to the recent Advertising Age white paper “The New Female Consumer: The Rise of the Real Mom,” most of us do “do it all.” Their research showed that “…women with children still handle the bulk of the household and child-care responsibilities, the so-called ’second shift’ — whether they are working full time, staying at home or something in between.”

This is in an age when the Bureau of Labor Statistics reports both parents were employed in 62 percent of the 24.6 million families made up of a married couple with children under 18. And, in the 2006-2007 academic year, the U.S. Department of Education noted women earned a majority of higher-education degrees.

The full report embedded here is filled with many more such statistics, including a 48-year comparison on education, purchasing power, and wages. But, the “real mom” to which its title makes reference is what they are really making a case for in the paper.

They posit that “the second half of this decade has brought a backlash against the mythical Supermom — that hyperactive type-A personality who whips up perfect cookies and perfect children — and an embrace of the likable, more relatable real mom, who doesn’t obsess over the little things.”

The case is made that millennial women (born between 1980 and 1995) are leading this change in attitude. They are apparently not as “conflicted” as my generation — Generation X. While I grew up being told I was equal to men, what I saw was my own mother doing an unequal amount of work to keep our family running - that “second shift” we women are apparently still working.

“[Millennials] grew up with seeing a lot of moms working, being outside the home a lot, and decided ‘Hey, this isn’t what I want,’” Aliza Freud, founder and CEO of SheSpeaks said in the AdAge report. “So they may be at peace more with their not working or working.”

Nearly have of the women surveyed for the report said finding balance between family and career is “a joke” for working women and I will certainly agree with that. The tagline for this blog used to say that it wasn’t about balance, but about juggling.

As one journalist put it: “While no longer striving to be supermoms doing everything for everyone, mothers are looking toward being pragmatic and good enough, and making a real impact in the areas that matter most for them and their children.”

This AdAge report implies that marketers should help empower women to delegate responsibilities to spouses, children and even brands so that they will have “more time to be who they want to be.”

As Carroll Trosclair on Suite101.com rightly points out, “marketers have been helping women delegate work to products, services and brands for decades. But delegating work to husbands and children may be a new and controversial challenge for advertisers.”

Interesting Side Note:
While researching for this post, I came across a blog that mentions one of the ways information was gathered for the whitepaper. Kitchen Table Conversations, “a new user-generated video research service revolutionizing how qualitative research is conducted” was used to gather information on grocery shopping habits. If you’re interested in qualitative research methods, check it out.

I’m not writing a column today.  My head’s in a vise and someone installed wall-to-wall carpeting on my tongue.  My eyes resemble the dead fish in our aquarium.  My bones crackle when I move and my palms are sweaty.

My husband “the doctor” is not understanding at all. “Get out of the house,” he says. 

“You get out!” I say. 

“No, no, that’s not what I mean,” he explains.  “Activity is good for what ails you.  You should do something.” 

So I kill him, which is really unfortunate because someone needs to walk the dog.

I call my kids together and tell them to stay out of trouble while mommy gets some rest.  This is absolutely the wrong thing to say to children under any circumstance, but my head is filled with cotton and there is a little man with a power drill behind my left ear. My kids love it when I’m sick.  Their eyes light up and their little cupid lips curl at the corners. It’s their opportunity to do things I would never allow them to do under normal, healthy conditions.

“Mom, can I take fifty dollars out of your wallet, bike down the high speed lane of Rt. 1A with Joey the school punk and shoot paint balls at convertible BMWs?”

“OK,” I mumble from under my pillow.  “Be home in time for dinner.”

My husband, eerily resurrected says, “It’s the common cold.  You’ll live.”

“There’s nothing common about it,” I say, swallowing half a bottle of Benedryl and chasing it with some liquid Tylenol. 

“It’s just the sniffles,” he persists, so I kill him again.  But this time I wait until after he takes out the garbage.

I crawl downstairs to watch TV but run out of steam halfway there.  I curl up in a nice, dark corner of the front hall closet, my head resting on the Electrolux.

A vision of my husband opens the closet door.  “Why is it that when men are sick, you women say we are the biggest babies in the world and when you are sick it is the sickest sickness ever?” he asks.

“God, die already!  Who are you, Rasputin?”

“Why don’t you put on a coat and go for a walk,” he says.

Still crouched in the closet, I search for his black cashmere dress coat and blow my nose on its sleeve.  “Because I’m sick!” I tell him.

My husband pulls me out of the closet and tries to smooth the tangled hair in the back of my head.  “C’mon, I’ll walk with you,” he says and leads me to the front door.  His arm is steady and his chest is warm.  He smells of cinnamon and pine.  I breathe in his chivalry and embrace his kindness.  This is what I need, just a little TLC from my soul mate.  I agree to go but not before grabbing an ice pick from the bar, just in case.

So I am not writing a column today.

When I recently saw this list of worst mothers in literature, it got me wondering who are the good mothers I’ve read about? And the first thing I realized as I let that roll around in my head a bit was that I really needed to get back to reading more “grown-up” books!

Seriously, almost all of the moms that popped into my mind were from childrens literature. Nice mothers like one of my favorites from “I Love You Stinky Face” (and the traveling mommy’s friend “I Miss You Stinky Face“) by Lisa Mccourt.

Then I thought of the heroic Mrs. Frisby from “Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH.” But, that was a bit of a cheat since I haven’t actually read the book - just took my daughter to the local cinema that was doing a free showing of the movie “Secrets of NIMH” last month.

Then, in more young adult literature, I thought of Sally Jackson the self-sacrificing and loving mother of the title character in the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. They’re a little advanced for my girl, but as a big Greek/Roman mythology fan, I found them a great read - in preparation for when she’s older, you know, so I’ll know if they’re ok for her to read. <wink>

The closest I could come to a good mother in a book that’s probably not in an elementary school library was August Boatwright from The Secret Life of Bees. She’s not a biological mother, but certainly filled that role for young Lily Owens in a way no one could top. I haven’t actually seen how Queen Latifah did playing her in the movie because I didn’t want to compare it to the book.

But after that, I started drawing a blank! A quick Google search for “mothers” and “literature” seemed to turn up more lists of bad mothers than good, so maybe I’m not the only one wracking my brain.  Do you guys have some favorite “good mothers” in the books you’ve read?

I can’t stop laughing every time I view this video (and I’ve been watching it over and over again….).

It’s funny on its own, but it’s especially funny to those of us whose kids bicker like these two. Even (like mine) occasionally! (And by “occasionally” I mean “yesterday.”) Enjoy:

It’s not easy being a Mom. I know - I married a wonderful woman who has been a marvelous mother to our five children. We both benefited from faithful and devoted mothers growing up. Great Moms don’t just extend their hands to work. They open their hearts to love.

And that is why Moms are unique.

It’s not just a functional job, this Mommy Gig. It’s pouring your heart out into little angel/demons who both delight and exasperate, who return affection fivefold and spurn your loving direction five minutes later. It’s self-sacrifice, not for short-term pay, but for a long-term investment that few appreciate.

It’s seeing your heart grow, and fill, and bleed, and break.

If you’re a mother of children, one thing is certain - you’re going to mess up in a thousand ways (all of us parents do). But if you put your heart into your children, they’ll get the message. The return may be a long time coming, especially as you wrestle through the teen years. But carry on, even when it hurts. Our kids need Moms with a heart!

And a bunch of us Dads really appreciate you, too…

(Image credit)

This weekend is going to be a big one in our family - we’re going on dates.

Yup, that’s plural, you read it right! For the first time ever, we’re doing one-on-one dates with our kiddos. This time, Dad’s taking Maggie to the Sesame Street Live show and I’m taking Jake to either the park or the Children’s Museum. This is something that we decided we really need to do as our kids get older - we realized that neither of us has had any one-on-one time with either of the kids since Jake was an infant. He’s 18 months old now, so it’s about time to start carving out some precious time to just soak up each kid’s individuality.

I was shocked when I thought about the fact that although Maggie and I were home alone together for 15 months, I’ve never known Jake in that way. Our alone time is usually measured in minutes and I honestly don’t know *how* to play with just him! It’s always a group playtime and his dynamics with his sister factor heavily into how we all interact. We get a lot more alone time with Maggie right now as she goes to bed a bit later - poor Jake gets none of that time!

I’m really excited about this weekend and our parent-kiddo dates and also look forward to the next round when it’s time for a Mommy-Maggie outing!

I’d love to hear ideas of what other parents have done to make sure that they get one-on-one time with each of their children………

Kate Olson is a mother of 2 toddlers and lives in rural Wisconsin. She balances motherhood & working from home in a semi-functional fashion - you can read more about Kate on our contributors page. She blogs about education and lots of business/tech stuff at Kate Says . Want more? Read all of Kate’s posts!

Kristen Keller lives in New Jersey with her two young boys, husband and two dogs. In an effort to obtain the perfect work-life balance, Kristen works part-time out of her home office as an independent public relations consultant and spends the rest of her time striving to give her children the same wonderful childhood experience she had. Click here to check out Kristen’s other posts on This Mommy Gig.

Every now and then, something will happen, and the fact that my kids will not remain two and three years old for the rest of their lives hits me like a brick wall. Case in point - the other day, I had to return a library book. Braden (3-year-old) asked if he could put the book in the slot, and I said, “Sure.” To my surprise, we got to the slot, and he didn’t need me to pick him up. He was able to reach it, pull it open and drop the book in all by himself. That same day, when he went to use the potty, he shut the door on me and said, “I can do it myself, Mommy,” and he did. In both instances, I was so proud and yet, a part of me was sad.

I told my husband about my feelings – how they are growing up so fast, and I’m not ready for it. And he said, “Don’t worry. They’ll always need their mommy.” I look back at the relationship my brother and I had with my mom, and I know it’s true. Yes, they’ll get bigger and be able to reach the library drop slot; heck, they’ll probably tower over me. And no, they won’t need me to help them go potty or kiss their booboos to make them all better, but they will need me in other ways.

I guess I just need to enjoy this phase while it lasts and take each day as it comes. After all, no matter how Braden’s and Devin’s needs may evolve, deep down, my boys will always need their mommy, right?

The latest in the weepy mommy saga……….what? I’m the only one who cries in the car on my way to work once a week? Fine! Pretend that no one else does, that’s cool. But in case you know someone else who cries at the first note of a song or a tiny little thought of a time past, here’s the song that made me need windshield wipers for my eyes this morning on the drive in (and yes, it’s a country song - I’m from Wisconsin, it’s what we DO here!) - my constant tendency to wish away time is KILLING me in mommyhood:

Trace Adkins - You’re Gonna Miss This - Excerpt

But you’re gonna’ miss this
You’re gonna’ want this back
You’re gonna’ wish these days
Hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna’ miss this
You’re gonna’ miss this

Tissues comin’ right up……………..