After my first official day of work at my new job, I picked up my 8 year old from his first day of school. He attends an after school childcare program on site, and there were new forms and procedures to go over, so it wasn’t exactly the “Hallmark moment” that it should have been. (I did make a mental note to thank my husband for following through on the agreed-upon attire, as I glanced at his favorite new shirt and shorts,  white socks and and gleaming white tennis shoes.)

I gave him a quick squeeze and we headed out the door. As we crossed the parking lot to the van, I said, “So? Tell me all about it! How was your first day, buddy?”

“It was the worst day of my life. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Well. There’s a reply that you just don’t want to hear on the first day of school. Now, granted, my son DOES take a while to “warm up” to new teachers. Every year, from kindergarten through first and second grades, he has NOT liked his teacher until some time after the second or third week. I guess he just takes a while to figure them out, but it’s smooth sailing after that. So, as we separated to get into our respective sides of our minivan, I took a deep breath and braced myself for the disappointment.

“What happened?” (I’d forgotten how hard it is to hug your child across the van console, Rather unsatisfying.)

“Well, first of all, [the after school program that's just been taken over by our park district] is really dumb and boring. There’s nothing to do! And no one would play with me. Jeffrey and Sebastian just wanted to play with the LEGOs the whole time, and we didn’t even get to go outside to the playground!”

“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry. That’s tough ~ when your friends want to do something that you don’t want to do. What did you do in your classroom today?”

“Mostly just practiced taking out and putting away our new supplies. I don’t understand why we had to do that, since we took all of our supplies up to school and put them all away the other night!” (Well, frankly, neither do I… and that DOES sound rather boring.)

“Did your teacher read you a story today?” (No.)

“Did you go to music class? I think the schedule said you have music on Thursdays.” (Really stretching to find something positive now…)

“Yes, but we didn’t do any music today. They just talked about rules.” (Wow. In music class? How many rules can there be? Surely not 40 minutes worth!)

“Hm. I’m sorry, honey. I hoped you’d had a great day. I thought about you all day.”

“Yeah. It was awful. And even at lunch recess, not one would play with me. I was playing with William and Angel, but then they decided to go play with Nathan. Yuck! So I was bored, even then.”

“Well, why don’t you grab a snack and go pet Cooper for a little while. Maybe you’ll feel better in a little bit. I think Alex might be up for playing some computer games with you before dinner. OK?”

I was having a hard time figuring out how to deal with this, honestly. As a teacher, I work really hard to make each child know that I’m glad they are in my class, that I care about them, and that we’re going to have a lot of fun learning together. And while I recognize the need for some structure and high expectations, I don’t waste time on the first day going over these things. I model the behaviors as they come up throughout the year. I’d much rather spend the first day getting to know my students and letting them get a glimpse of who I am. Still, we are all different. Every teacher approaches these things differently. And, wearing the two hats of parent and teacher means that you consider carefully - much more carefully - whether each problem is worthy of contacting the teacher. It is SO easy to take the wrong path and become over-involved in your child’s school experience too early, putting a perfectly good teacher on the defense and ruining the potential for a perfectly good relationship for the rest of the year.

But… “the worst day of my life”? On the first day of school? I wanted to cry.

Later, as the boys settled into a brotherly bonding over a good game of “Age of Mythology,” I gave my oldest an appreciative shoulder-pat. He returned a knowing smile. I gave my youngest a quick shoulder-squeeze and as my cheek brushed his, the heat was alarming.

I put my hand on his forehead and said, “Honey, you’re burning up!” He turned toward me, and I caught the tell-tale flush and slightly duller eyes. I took out the ear thermometer. Seconds later, the numbers told the story ~ 101.6° F.

So, on my second day of my new job, I took a sick day. (Wow, way to start the year off with first impressions!)

Yet, I hope that the sacrifice of an extra day at home makes him less susceptible to the viruses next week. More importantly, I hope that the fact that he was feeling poorly had a distinct effect on his ability to assess the worthiness of his first day. But mostly, I hope that when he returns to school, he’ll have a warm and caring welcome back, and that his next days in third grade will not be quite so horrendous in his mind.

I’m so torn over this. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Image: http://wordle.net/

Kymberli Mulford is the proud mom of a grade-schooler and high-schooler in the Chicago suburbs, and the proud grandmother of her now-grown stepson’s four children. When she’s not shuttling her sons from one activity to another, she works in the world of educational technology – now as an “Engaged Learning Speciliast,” and previously as a Technology Coordinator for a special education co-op, as a learning facilitator in a large district that implemented a one-to-one laptop initiative for all students in grades 3-6, as a consultant and presenter, and most recently as a blogger at Onionskin. For more of Kymberli’s “mom” posts click here!