I thought we had the labels pretty well defined, Daddy Mark is the daddy in Heaven and Daddy is the daddy here. My son, Nicholas had just turned 2 when William (a.k.a Daddy) and I started dating and we’ve been married a couple of months now. Nicholas will turn 4 tomorrow, and suddenly the ease of knowing the difference between the two daddys is sliding a bit.

We’ve had confusion about Daddy Mark in the past year. We have photos up in N’s room of Daddy Mark holding N,

Daddy Mark & Nicholas

and there are two particular photos that N is fascinated with. They are both of Mark holding N just after delivery (see right), and N loves for me to tell him about his birth. For a while, N would get confused between his birth story and the story of Mark’s time in the hospital when he died. N thought that the picture of Mark and him was when “Daddy Mark was so sick in the hospital that the doctors couldn’t make his body better.” I spent quite a bit of time explaining the difference in why we were in the hospital for N’s birth and why Mark was in the hospital when he was sick. Nicholas seems to get it for the most part, but is still confused about it sometimes.

William and I began referring to him as “Daddy” after we got engaged. Nicholas didn’t seem to have any trouble with the transition (I’m sure it helped that he wasn’t quite 3 yet), and William has been Daddy ever since. In the past three or four months though, Nicholas has referred to William as “Pretend” Daddy a few times. When asked what he meant, Nicholas said, “Daddy is Pretend Daddy and God is the Real Daddy.” And who can argue with that. We had a brief discussion about how God created us all and so he is parent to all of us but that doesn’t make Daddy pretend Daddy or Mommy pretend Mommy. I should have known that wouldn’t be the end of it.

Now Nicholas is saying that when Daddy Mark gets better, Daddy won’t be his real daddy any more and that will make Nicholas sad. I think part of this stems from the conversations we’ve had where I told him I believe that Daddy Mark is healthy and happy in Heaven and his body isn’t sick any longer. But who knows, Nicholas could be making this up from whole cloth.

Daddy & N

I probably wouldn’t think too much about it, and just keep reinforcing that William is Daddy and that Daddy Mark is in Heaven, but I know it’s painful for William. I try to help him see that it’s not a preference or judgment on him as a father, that N is just confused; but, I can see how it would hurt. William is N’s Daddy, and nobody who sees them together would doubt it.

Any thoughts on where you think the origin of the confusion might be? Do you think there is a better phrase for Mark? Is it confusing for N to have two daddys? I would love to hear what you think!

*Photo of Daddy and N courtesy of Rebel With A Camera.

We’re on day 5 of my son’s horrendous stomach bug and to put it mildly, our house and everyone in it is in shambles. That sets the scene for:

1) My husband taking 2 unpaid days off this week

2) Me taking 3 unpaid days off this week

3) 3 gazillion loads of laundry

4) A shopping trip to buy 3 extra bedding sets because I can’t do laundry fast enough

5) 2 VERY tired parents, a frustrated healthy little girl, and a miserable, leaking-from-every-orifice, sick little boy.

And THAT sets the scene for my trip to the clinic today.

A trip made right after a naptime “incident” in which I almost had a heart attack thinking that my son had vomited blood. Nope, just red juice - heart rate slowed again.

The doctor walks in as I’m changing J’s diaper and gasps.

“Is that BLOOD?”

I stare down at J’s socks where she’s pointing and just. about. die.

Nope, that’s puke. Puke on his socks. Which I forgot to change when I was changing the bedding, his clothes, washing the carpet, and dealing with the general chaos of it all.

Yuck.

And I’m the mom who took her kid to the doctor with red puke on his socks.

I have no secrets, I guess. I’m just that mom. All the time.