I recently wrote a post about contrast and how we need it to define things, i.e. we can’t name ‘cold’ if we don’t have ‘hot’ to compare it to. But, now I’m wondering what to do if the contrasting and defining object is a moving target.

Here’s the thing: I don’t know how big I am, or how small for that matter. Literally. I’m shocked by the mirror and the scale. I’m shocked when things are too big and when they’re too small. I’m shocked when I see pictures of myself and I come up to everyone’s chest. I’m shocked when I see my reflection and I seem larger than I expected.

As a result, I don’t trust any of it and I go about my days having no idea what I look like or how my body actually fits into space.

And, really, why should I? This is a case where the contrasting target is moving. AND, this is a case where the physical is heavily influenced by the emotional and intellectual self. For reasons feminine, cultural and uniquely circumstantial, my size and my perception keep changing.

• In high school, I was popular, successful and an athlete. I was larger than life, but my body felt small.
• In college, I was invisible, drowning with an eating disorder and unhappy. I was terribly insignificant, but my body felt huge.
• As I entered adulthood, I was told to be independent and strong, but society and its magazines were reminding me not to get too big. I was confused and yo-yoing, my body didn’t know which way was up.
• As I became a mother, I urged my body to grow in order to support my babies as they came to be and as they continue to need my protection, time and attention in this world. I am expanding rapidly, my body feels like it isn’t my own and its borders are too far away to see.
• As a wife, I need to pull those edges back in to ‘me’ so that I can feel my woman-ness. My body feels conflicted and exhausted and totally bent out of shape.
• As a writer, speaker and blogger in the context of this blog and a few others and in my immediate community, I receive insanely wonderful connections and feedback. My brain and heart feel big.
• As a writer, speaker and blogger in the context of the world and social media, I’m just tiny. Little fish, big sea.

When I look at all of this, I see that the common thread here is relativity. It’s similar to the fact that I still feel 17, but my birth certificate says I’m 36. I mean, really? Is that true? What’s true?

I’m not sure there’s a way to escape it. But, I’m certain I can’t let it color my forward motion. If we sat around all day and thought about the 300 million people on Facebook, we would never join or think it could be a successful social media tool - and we’d miss out on connecting and sharing with old and new friends. If we thought about the millions of other writers that are out there - either getting published or struggling with rejection letters - we would never type another word.

Why do we look to the outside to define our size or simply who we are? Why would we look outside when outside is constantly changing and insecure? Huh. Maybe that’s why we’re so insecure.

Hard to pin your edges on something that moves, expands, shrinks and bends, isn’t it? Maybe it’s the inside - that still thinks it’s 17 and perfectly sizable that needs to be the touchpoint. That way, at least, it’s always up to us, the magnitude of the space we take up in the world.

Originally posted on Writing Roads

Image credit: Steph & Adam

About a year ago, I was fortunate enough to see Karol Rose of Flexpaths speak. This burgeoning company, and Karol along with it, is changing the way we think about work, workstyle flexibility and life in general….and I’m thrilled to be writing for them. After I saw Karol speak, I wrote about her theory of work/life balance - which basically states that the quest for ‘balance’ is a myth and a recipe for heartache and stress.

Karol maintains that we should reach for work/life effectiveness instead, and this weekend I was the poster child for her theory.

Take a two year-old boy + a three year-old girl + a Blackberry/Mac/Writing/Blogging/Twitter obsessed mom and subtract my wife (you know, the reigning Mother of the Year champ) and put them together for 53 hours with no outside help whatsoever.

The perfect storm?

It could have been, but I took Karol’s advice to heart. I needed to be effective at home this weekend. So, I turned off my computer, ignored my Blackberry’s charming gong that tells me I have yet another email and sunk deeply and contentedly into my role as Mom…And I had the time of my life.

Sure, some writing ideas popped into my head and I scribbled them down. Once or twice I checked Twitter to see what was happening. But my mindset was all about home. I can assure you that if I had had the goal of getting a few work things done this weekend, we all might have imploded.

In this case, ‘balance’ was found by tipping the scales profoundly and completely in the direction of home.

Apply this lesson where you will. If you’d like to be effective anywhere, anyhow, anytime - Just. Do. IT.

Cross-posted on Writing Roads

Image courtesy of Zen

Hi. My name is Laura and I’ve been twittering for two years. (this is where you say “Hi Laura!”) Don’t know what Twitter is? Here’s a great video explanation: Twitter in Plain English

While some might think it is an addiction, I view it as more of an ingrained communication channel much like the cell phone and e-mail have become. Lots of people are using it, including many celebrities as wide-ranging as Lance Armstrong and Brittney Spears. But, I don’t usually follow many of them. It seems they either update rarely (hello Luke Wilson) or don’t fully engage by following others or replying to tweets.

But, I’ve begun to watch something interesting develop with a celebrity family on the site: Ashton Kutcher (@aplusk), Demi Morre (@mrskutcher) and now her daughter Rumer (@therue)

I discovered them through a news article about Ashton’s comments regarding the recent brouhaha surrounding Michael Phelps and apparently his comments about neighbors had previously caused a stir. He is obviously updating often and appears to be engaging with those who talk to him through Twitter.

Some think that the couple’s tweets about upcoming projects are just for publicity, but that strikes me as a bit self-rightous. I mean, hey, aren’t about half of everyone’s tweets a bit of self publicity? I tend to think she means it when Demi replies that they just find Twitter fun!

And, now she’s encouraged her daughter Rumor to join that fun:

I’ve tried to interest my husband in Twitter several times, but with no success. Since my girl is only six, getting her on has not crossed my mind, but if she were Rumer’s age it might. It could give us both greater insight into each other’s day - that chance to look through each other’s eyes.

What do you think? Could this new means of connection be good for families?

[UPDATE: Looks like M.C. Hammer (yes, he of big pants fame) is getting in on the family twitter act, introducing his son to the world recently]

Screenshot of MCHammer twitter

Laura P. Thomas is the wife of a former rocker and mother of one 6-year-old girl that’s already waaay too interested in The Jonas Brothers (the apple didn’t fall far). She works in the Global Online team at Dell, evangelizes virtual worlds, and twitters too much as LPT.