While I fully admit I knew nothing about children before having them, there is one thing I have always known – that I was not going to raise brats. It always irked me when I would see a parent threaten a child with a consequence, only to not follow through when the child continued to disobey. Therefore, even before our first son was born, I made my husband promise that he would not use empty threats; we wouldn’t say anything unless we were prepared to follow through.

And I have stayed true to my word… that is, until a few weeks ago. I had signed Braden (almost four years old) up for swim lessons – five Saturday lessons at the local college. After watching him have a ball in my dad’s pool just weeks before and having me, who swam on my high school team, as his mother, I figured he had the love for swimming in his blood and couldn’t wait to watch him in the water.

The first lesson came and went, and he had gone in for a total of 10 minutes (40-minute lesson), and this was after 30 minutes of crying and saying he wanted to go home. That’s okay. I chalked it up to the fact that it was a new experience and the water was cold. But then the second lesson came, and it was worse than the first. He didn’t want to go anywhere near the water – just balled up next to me and cried. I tried talking to him, but he wouldn’t tell me what was upsetting him so much. So I told him if he wasn’t enjoying the lessons, I would just bring his brother, Devin, the next time instead. This made him even more upset, to which I responded, “Show me you’re having fun, and I’ll keep bringing you. But you have to go in the water. If you don’t go in the water, I’m bringing Devin next time.”

He ended up not going in the water, and I was faced with a decision that was incredibly difficult for me. As I said, I’ve always been one to follow through with what I say, but he had been acting so out of character all-around during that time period, that I didn’t want to deprive him if this was just some short phase he was going through. Yes, perhaps the threat was a little harsh (as one friend said to me); I guess you had to be there to understand what a miserable situation it was for both of us during that entire swim lesson.

I toiled with this decision the entire week following that lesson – not wanting to go back on my word but wanting to believe him when he said he wanted to go and that he would go in the water. “I promise, Mommy.” In the end, his overall attitude did a complete 180 that week and Devin ended up getting sick. Not wanting to take a sick child to the pool, I decided to give Braden one more shot. And I made it clear to him that the only reason he was getting another shot was because Devin was sick.

But I took a different approach this time. Rather than trying throughout the entire lesson to get Braden to go into the pool, before the lesson started, I simply said to him, “Braden, I’m only going to say this once. I love you. Whether you go in the pool or not is completely up to you, and I love you either way. But please understand that if you aren’t enjoying this, then I am going to give Devin a try next time. I signed you up for lessons because I really thought you would have fun.” Well, something sunk in, and he went in for 10 minutes that day and had the biggest smile I had seen on his face yet. The following week, he was in for 20 minutes, and for the last class, he went in for the entire 40 minutes.

Yes, it turned out well, and knowing what I know now, I’m glad I gave Braden one more chance. However, had Devin not been sick, would I have taken him instead of Braden? To be honest, I really don’t know. What would you have done?

Kristen Keller lives in New Jersey with her two young boys, husband and two dogs. In an effort to obtain the perfect work-life balance, Kristen works part-time out of her home office as an independent public relations consultant and spends the rest of her time striving to give her children the same wonderful childhood experience she had. Click here to check out Kristen’s other posts on This Mommy Gig.

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe so you don't miss any of the action! Have you met all of the contributors? Head over and find out about the fabulous parents writing here! Thanks for visiting!