Have you ever been in the midst of life as you know it, and all of a sudden, something about your normal, everyday life rubs you the wrong way? This happened to me the other day when I came to the realization that, when my husband, I and our two boys are all at home, it is automatically assumed that I am the primary person responsible for the children.
If my husband has to go off to do work, run an errand or catch a game he’s been looking forward to on TV, he’ll simply say, “I have to go…,” and be on his way. If I have something that I want to do or need to accomplish that is not child-related, then there is the understanding that I need to give him notice at least a few hours (or even a day) in advance. Because of this, I usually end up putting extra work hours in at night after the boys are in bed, rather than “inconveniencing” my husband when the boys are awake.
I brought this observation to my husband’s attention the other night, and how did he respond when I asked why it was that I had to give him advanced warning while he could go off and do work, run an errand or watch the game at the drop of a hat? He said, “… because you’re the woman.”
Now, before all the women reading this get too red in the face with anger (because I would too), just a couple days before this conversation – when we were talking about ridding our yard of leaves – he tried to propose that I do it. When he asked me why it’s just assumed he’ll do it, sick and tired of having to answer the question of “Why?” all day to my two young boys, I simply said, “Because you’re the man.” Touché.
When all is said and done, this really is not an “I hate my husband” post or anything even remotely close to it. It’s not entirely his fault I’ve fallen into the role of primary caregiver when we’re all at home, as well as the primary bread winner (at least while he finishes up his PhD). In fact, I’m sure, subconsciously, I played a big part in ensuring things are just as they are. I simply feel like, now, I’m living my life each day with eyes wide open – realizing the crucial role I play as mother, wife and professional, and how working mothers truly are the most talented jugglers of them all.
Kristen Keller lives in New Jersey with her two young boys, husband and two dogs. In an effort to obtain the perfect work-life balance, Kristen works part-time out of her home office as an independent public relations consultant and spends the rest of her time striving to give her children the same wonderful childhood experience she had. Click here to check out Kristen’s other posts on This Mommy Gig.
