Last night was Passover - when Jews from all over the world and their friends remember our history as slaves and celebrate our freedom.

Now - of course I understand that my life is mountains better than my bondaged ancestors. I’m not that deluded.

But, at our Seder last night, we were asked to role play (something I truly abhor) and my character was that of a Jewish slave woman in Egypt. The description looked something like this:

You work 12 hour days working with all different kinds of people that you don’t know, doing hard labor that is sometimes demeaning around people that can make you feel uncomfortable. Then, you go home & have to perform wifely duties such as cooking, cleaning, mending, caring for family & ’stuff’ to please your spouse….

At first I was annoyed. Dare I say, bratty. How could I know how this woman feels? cough, cough. Let’s break this down, shall we?

• You work 12 hour days (Yes. Yes, I do.)
• …working with all different kinds of people that you don’t know (Today we call that ‘working virtually’)
• …doing hard labor that is sometimes demeaning (As in writing about the benefits of mobile dry cleaning or cheap land in the Bahamas? Yes, but hey, I’m supporting my family here!)
• …around people that can make you feel uncomfortable (Uh huh - spammers on Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn and in my email box and in my blog comments - talking about how size does matter and helps you get the girl)
• …Then, you go home & have to perform wifely duties such as cooking, cleaning, mending, caring for family & ’stuff’ to please your spouse….(Okay, the ’stuff’ isn’t so bad, but the rest of it bites)

Holy shit! I AM a Jewish slave woman!

Besides the fact that I have chosen every beautiful moment in my life…and love it. Still…I love a good Kvetch. Don’t you?

Image courtesy of Irargerich

Cross-posted on Writing Roads

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A couple years ago, my grandparents gave my daughter a copy of the book “We Help Mommy.” You know, the one from 1959 starring darling little Martha and Bobby as mommy’s biggest helpers?

I was thrilled! I loved “We Help Mommy” as a little girl, and as a newish mom I was so excited to share it with her. I was giddy with excitement about the bonding in store for the two of us.

And then we read it.

How had I managed to forget what this book was about? Martha and Bobby “help” mommy all day as she makes the beds, cleans the house, does the laundry, buys the groceries and prepares the food. Roll, pat. Roll, pat. Making a treat for daddy.

No kidding, my husband was laughing out loud watching my wheels turn as I turned each page. Was this really one of my favorite books as a child? Me, who married daddy because he gets right in there and makes the beds, cleans the house, does the laundry, buys the groceries and prepares the food next to me? How did this happen?

My daughter loved it – “Again!” she said, over and over.

And you know what? I loved it too. Ok, so it’s not quite the way things run around here, but I figure I can start to teach her to be an independent thinker by letting her choose her own books. I love that this thoughtful gift came from her great grandparents, I love that it’s 50 years old, and most of all I love having her crawl in my lap to read a book that I used to read with my mom.

The next time we visited my parents, she pulled open the drawer full of books and out spilled my copy – old, worn and frayed on the corners. Just like the rest of my favorite books.

I read “Die Mommy Die,” in Elle Magazine, of all places, about working women and their penchant for going on about their children at work. The author, Nancy Hass, has some interesting takes on why women who work feel the need to bring the mommy side of their lives to work. Some quips:

“…such talk is tedious to the young, unmarried women in the room (yes, they’re Twittering right now about how lame we are) and deeply irritating to the older, child-free ones, not to mention off-putting to most men who happen to be within earshot…”

“Women who talk incessantly about their kids are practicing a kind of political oppression that’s probably born of guilt. You have to declare your mothering intentions, show you’re not selling out your children by caring about your career.”

I suppose we all have our reasons for talking about our children no matter what setting we find ourselves in  - whether it’s at work, at the soccer field or at a cocktail party. I think the reasons vary - a lot of times, I’ll be honest, it’s because it may the only thing I have in common with other women in the room - women with whom I would otherwise have absolutely nothing to talk about. Other times, maybe sometimes at work, it may be my guilt talking - I’m certainly among those who vacillate about how much work is too much while I have young children. I often feel guilty about both - when a sick child takes me out of work for a day (or just an afternoon) or when work keeps me from being one of the Moms who can make it to the field trip, when I know my son would love for me to be a chaperone. So I mention it - not as a “stealth power gesture of bosses who mention their children—and the frustrations of mothering—in an attempt to humanize themselves to women below them in the hierarchy” - but probably more to get the sympathetic “don’t feel bad” and “you’re doing the best you can” supportive comments from others who may or may not know what it’s like to have the need to pursue both motherhood and a career.

Or, maybe it’s just because they are a part (*a huge part) of my life and I talk about them just as I talk about anything else that makes me who I am - marriage, hobbies, travels, books I’ve read, etc. Why would I not talk about them? Why should women feel like they have to hide or downplay this part of their lives to be sure not to alienate anyone? I don’t think everyone in the office runs marathons - or even wants to hear about the sweat, blood and tears that go into them - but nonetheless, I talk about my training incessantly when I’m in the middle of it.

I commend the author for sharing her opinion and saying what she thinks. While kid-talk at work has never really bugged me, I can understand where she’s coming from in general as she goes on about having an “aversion to wearing my parental status on the sleeve of my suit jacket,” and wonders how we have gone from “the absurd stance [of having to to become one of the boys to get ahead] to one in which a woman trots out her reproductive bona fides as though she’s won a MacArthur.”

She mentions how having a child is not “the best thing I’ve ever done,” and I can understand her. I’ve always said that being a mother is only one part of who I am - I don’t understand the sentiments that it should be the whole of my being. No one expects that from fathers - why do mothers have to take on that role?

So I agree with her that having kids is not the best thing I’ve ever done. It’s the raising them that’s the hard part. So ask me again in about 20 years and I’ll let you know if it’s the best thing I’ve ever done - I’ll have a much clearer picture. Until then, I’ll continue talking about them wherever I want, including the office, along with all the other parts of my life that make me who I am.

For my first official post on This Mommy Blog, I’m going to recycle a post that I wrote about two years ago (I can see Kate rolling her eyes from here!). But really, I have a point.

Years ago when I first started blogging, I wrote about lots of things - my children included. Why? Because it is who I am.

And then the criticisms started.

And for half a second, I felt angry. And then mostly I felt sad. Sad because there is this bizarre need to put labels on people.

This post came out of those feelings.

It’s as true today as it was then. A few things have changed: I’ve gained a few pounds, added a new baby, written a few more blog posts since then and kind of parlayed “this mommy gig” into something more. But the crux of the post remains the same.

I’m very pleased to be here with these other great moms. I look forward to adding my two cents (and oh yeah, I will) on parenting, working (or not) and figuring out “this mommy gig.” Thanks for reading!

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I am a mommy blogger. Yep, it’s true, I (gasp) blog about being a mom. Somehow, that has become synonymous with anti-feminism. How did this happen?

I know, I know, I’ve posted about this before, more or less when I first started blogging. But that was over a year ago - since then, I’ve had another baby, started even more exciting projects and otherwise learned a lot. So why even bring this “mommy blog” subject up now? I saw something that bothered me. I am a member of a group of bloggers (BlogHer) and recently read a rather uneven criticism of mommy bloggers. I won’t dignify the comments by linking to them because I don’t think it serves any real purpose, but I did want to respond to them on my blog - my mommy blog.

The comments were that, more or less, the blogger was annoyed by mommy blogs because she felt that they “cheapened” serious blogs written by women “by reducing blogging by women to the mommy track, with a side of fashion and diet.” She also implied that it was antithetical to combine feminism and parenting.

I just can’t figure out where that kind of anger comes from. But we women do this kind of thing a lot, don’t we? We judge and rant to each other for the choices that we make in a way that men would never do. I read a number of blogs written by men about their families including the excellent The Long Cut (editor’s note: since on hiatus) and Laid-Off Dad and have never once heard a criticism of the “dad blogs”. Men read such things, they like them or they don’t and they move on. Why can’t women do the same? If you peg my blog or any similar blog as simply a “mommy blog” and you don’t enjoy it, feel free to move on to something more your style. I’ll be okay, really.

But more than that, it disturbs me that there is a perception that writing about family somehow cheapens “serious” blogs. I think the inference is, really, that caring about motherhood limits who you are. It most certainly does not.

First of all, those of us who are mothers are never “just” mothers. We are daughters and sisters and aunts and cousins and friends and wives. We are writers and gardeners and cooks and mechanics and knitters and historians and politicians and policy-makers and musicians and artists and entrepreneurs and volunteers. We go interesting places. We do interesting things. We meet interesting people. And some of us also work outside of the home. We have a lot going on. Why wouldn’t we want to share it in a meaningful way?

Further, the inference that raising your children somehow robs you of any real substance is insulting. The whole point of starting my blog when I did was because in raising my children, I have learned a lot more about myself and the world. I’ve learned to put things into perspective, to focus on things that are important to me. Most of all, I’ve learned that growing up is not a process that ends when you leave your parents’ house. Children make you realize that you’re not as smart as you think, or as put together as you think. There is always something more. I’m still figuring my life out - now with a twist (okay, three little twists), hence the title, Mommy Grows Up (now Lawmummy).

And what have I learned? Having my children have reminded me that I’m smart. I’m resourceful. I’m occasionally witty. I’m determined. I care about others. I’m not a quitter. As corny as it sounds, my children make me want to (to paraphrase “As Good as it Gets”) be a better person.

I love writing my lawmummy blog - it is such a huge part of who I am. Of my blogs (I contribute to several), it is the one that I enjoy writing the most and the one that is the most popular. I don’t think it “cheapens” at all the “serious” blogs that I write for my law firm: taxgirl and erblawg, one of which has recently been picked up by a professional blogging service (more on that in weeks to come).

You see, becoming a mom has not made me any less interesting, it hasn’t somehow sucked all of the knowledge about other things out of my brain. I have two post college degrees (a JD and LLM Taxation) and I still use them. I am President of our local development corporation. I volunteer for SeniorLaw Project, Philadelphia Volunteer Lawyers for the Arts, Lawyers Without Borders and more.
I’m also seeking an agent right now for a novel that I completed a month or so again (it’s a legal mystery with a little bit of romance thrown in for good measure). If anything, motherhood makes me more interesting and more well-rounded (unfortunately, really well-rounded in some areas!).

And perhaps because of my daughters, I am more acutely aware of women’s issues than ever. I have always voted and believed in a woman’s right to a quality education (so important because of my experiences in my little Southern town); I have always considered myself a feminist. But now, when I look at my daughters, having choices for women is even more important to me. I want my daughters to go to any school that they want, study any subject that they want and have any career that they want (except for, as we always say, lawyer and exotic dancer - and we’re willing to bend on exotic dancer). You see, I care even more now about ensuring and promoting the rights of women not in spite of motherhood but because of it.

So, if you don’t enjoy reading about my children, no need to stop by my blog. But you’d be remiss in thinking that my whole life is about my children, or that my children somehow limit me to “the mommy track, with a side of fashion and diet.” In addition to “mommy topics” like breastfeeding and balancing work and home, I’ve blogged about abortion, the religious right and child abuse.

You’re also wrong to think that my blogs as a mommy - and similar mommy blogs written by my peers cheapen anything. If anything, we add value. We provide a unique and important perspective that is often neglected in the media. Without us, the blogosphere would be a lot less interesting.